Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 46, 18 May 1901, Page 12

Entre Nous

THE story is being told of a wellknown skipper in those parts. Having a few days' leisure, he accompanied another nautical worthy whose headlights are also easily recognised hereabouts, on a trip to Masterton. After doing the sights of the place, they picked out the most fashionable hotel for refreshment purposes, and, being in the midst of an absorbing conversation, they had swallowed their liquor before they bethought themselves of payment. Suddenly the particular skipper, who was standing treat, perceived that the eye of the bar-maiden was resting upon him in severe interrogation. He fumbled in his pockets, then suddenly rang off his narrative, and remarked to his mate, "I say, Capstan, I've no money on me , lend me a bob, will you?" * * * Capstan, unfortunately, was also found wanting, and then skipper No. 1, with the air of a Crown Prosecutor, began explaining to tho Hebe behind the bar that he had come out minus his purse. She sniffed the air m unmitigated scorn. It was perfectly evident that she had summed up the pair of highly respectable skippers as a couple of "crooks" living on the game, and, the celerity with which she rang up for the landlady and explained the situation completed their discomfiture. However, the landlady knew better than the younger lady, and the comedy was not allowed to deepen. into burlesque Stall, it is as well not to mention "whisky hot" to those two mariners bold just at present. Better give them time to cool right down. * « • The noble native is getting on all right. A few days ago, a Maori, much the worse for wear, shambled into a Manawatu telegraph-office, and handed in a wire that he wanted to send to his brother about the Duke's visit to Rotorua. "All right," said the clerk, "that will be one and twopence." "One and tuppence' no fear, you tmk me know nothin'? You put 'O.H.M.S.' long a top, and it all right. Me know a lot of things, my word!" * • • "Will You Remember Me?" | Vn Appeal fiom tht Society fellows in the back beats. I When Ranfurly is made a Duke , When Dick becomes a lord , When knighthoods are conferred upon Jim Carroll and Joe Ward ; When Robert Stout's a baronet, And Hall- Jones a C.M.G. ; Before your bag is empty quite — Will you remember me? When Hobson-street is full of earls , When you've knighted Allan Orr, If Harry Bell should say "No thanks," 'T would be too great a bore" . When Fisher rises up Sir George, And Wilford's made K.C. Oh, Royal double-barrelled Duke — Will you remember me?

It is not regarded as strictly honourable for a man to hand over his love letters, written by a trusting girl, to others to read, but a great many who have no scruples about the matter break this rule of etiquette, and think nothing of it. A certain Wellington damsel who was head over ears mlove with a business man possessed of little sentiment, and to whom she was engaged, made a heart-breaking discovery recently. Walking into the house of her betrothed unannounced, she came upon his brother and sister poring over her last letter to him in evident amusement. • • • She recognised the missive at once, and hotly demanded what they were doing with' it. "Oh, it is all right," they laughingly rejoined, "we take a great interest in his welfare, and he tosses all his letters over to us for perusal." But it' wasn't all right so far as the young lady was concerned, and she snatched up the letter and departed in high dudgeon. There had she been pouring out her heart to her intended for months and months, with all the ardour of which she was capable, only to find that he had generously handed the letters round to everybody to read. The reflection was indeed a bitter one, and it is now questionable if that matrimonial knot will be tied. • • • The Wellington people are an unbelieving lot. They will not believe anything until they investigate the matter for themselves. The other day — There was a sign upon a fence , It read. "Wet Paint," And everybody who went bv Sinner and saint, Put out a finger, touched the fence, And onward sped , And as they wiped their finger-tips, "It is," they said. ♦ » » In the "Big Buildings," the other day, a certain clerk of rotund and rubicund appearance was the recipient of what purported to he a vice-regal document of recent date. It informed him that as the title of C.M.G. was likely to be conferred upon him he would be required to appear on a given date at Government House, in appropriate dress, to receive lus decoration. The parcel of jokers who concocted the little surprise nearly fell off their stools with laughter next day when they learnt that their quarry was so uplifted by the unexpected distinction which awaited him, that he had sent in a specious excuse to the chief for not turning up to the daily round and common toil as usual. He was evidently getting; his estate put in order so that he might fittingly receive the dear Duke. * * * A tired Cuba-street shopkeeper on Sunday afternoon completely spoilt the handsome frock coat that he has just had built up for the Duke's reception. He was out for a ramble, and meeting a member of the Reception Committee he leant gracefully against a convenient fence and asked hopefully, "Anything fresh this morning?" "Only that paint you are leaning against," was the startling reply of the Reception Committeeman. 'Tw as even so. It was so very fresh indeed, that that Cuba-street citizen has been in mourning ever since, and won't "demonstrate" now on any consideration. For Cuba-street to be left out of the royal route was bad enough, but to invest in another fresh frock coat to lend eclat to the reception is coming it too strong.

He is employed in a mercantile office in Wellington, and rather fancies himself as a gun expert. He took advantage of St. George's Day to put in some duck-shooting up the line, and next day returned to work with three pairs. Lunching in town, he did not return to the bosom of his family until nightfall. "You do not mean to say that you gave all that money for these ducks?" asked his better half. "I didn't give any money for them," he said scornfully :"I shot them." "That is strange," replied the wife, "for here is the dealer's ticket attached to them." And' it even was so. It appears that the office boy had, in a spirit of fun, fixed on a sale ticket to the birds, and concealed it between them. The joke did not appear to him to be so funny next day, when the clerk went) for him, but his little antio served to convince the fair lady that her husband never shot those ducks. • • • During the ceremony connected with the installation of Ashburton's Mayor, last week, M.H.R. McLachlan committed a "bull," which should prove well pleasing to King Richard, t>f Kumara. Referring to the progress of the colony, "Mac " said — "This prosperity has been absolutely phenomenal under the reign of Mr. Seddon." The speaker was interrupted by a roar of laughter and applause, which pulled him up sharp in surprise. "Eh, what did I say — where does the laugh come in?" "Seddon — King Diek — reign!" whispered a neighbour. "Oh, aye!" and Mac himself exploded.

Thus gossips a "Very Old Identity" on royal receptions in Wellington : — Dear Lance. — From time immemorial these State functions hare ever been bungled in very-much-divided Wellington. Te Aro, the happy huntingground of the plebeians, was ever looked down upon by would-be aristocratic Thorndon, and so it goes on to this very day, when they are haggling over the route the Duke and Duchess of Cornwall shall take. The exception proves the rule, and that exception was the landing of Prince Alfred from H.M.S. Galatea, in genial Governor Sir George Bowen's vice-regal regime, when the lieges of Her late Most Gracious Majesty had a right royal time of it in this far-away spot. The inimitable Thatcher immortalised it in song, at the time, and thus ran. the refrain : — "Away, away to the Legislative Hall, Oh! what a kick-up at the Prince's ball; We danced all night to the broad daylight, And home with the girls in the morning!" • * • There was no bungling at His Royal Highness's reception, which took place at the Queen's Wharf, where he landed, handsome and bright, in lustrous black bell-topper, immaculately cut and beautifully fitting blue surtout, doublebreasted, and skirted just down to the knees, light grey trousers, lavenknees with light grey trousers, lavender gloves, buttonhole spray, irreproachable patent-leather crimpled boots a thorough gentleman from crown to heel. He was accompanied by his two esquires in full uniform, Lord Beresford, since known as "Condor Charlie," his first lieutenant, in naval dress, and the Hon. Elliott Yorke, in. brilliant scarlet tunic and gold trimmings, as a colonel of a Yorkshire regiment of militia. • • • This trio, along with the crew, became immensely popular with the public. On the reception day, the old-fash-ioned trap of an old ex-man-o'-warsman, who drove a full load of Sunday school children enveloped in fernery, flags, and floral festoons, found more favour in His Highness's sight than all the tinselled glitter surrounding him. The vast concourse of people from all quarters were overjoyed at the advent of Royalty to the colony, and gave vent to their feelings in thundering volleys ot cheers along the whole route of the procession. w • • If it is not all mere talk, and in some cases it does not seem to be so, there are lively times in store for a few of the New Zealand officers who have been or are on duty in South Africa. There are men who are still smarting under what they term unjust and harsh treatment at the hands of certain officers, and they make no secret of their intention to get. even when once civilian attire is donned all round. One Wellington man has brought back a sjambok, and he declares it is for the sole purpose of "taking it out of the hide of that cad ." The place of residence of the individual so elegantly designated is not so very far away from Wellington either.

"What about our rifles?" This interjection, which contains the elements of a grievance felt by all the returned members of the First Contingent, was fired at the Premier very aptly, when, in Christchurch, he was telling "the boys" how much had been done, and was still to be done, for them. The First Contingent Association should record that interjector's name in capital letters in the third issue of its "Bulletin," for it brought forth the Defence Minister's assurance that "he would see that the rifles wliich had been such good friends to the men were returned to them." How's that, Sergeant Secretary Foster? The returned troopers naturally treasured their rifles, and it was like parting with an old and tried comrade when, on landing in the colony, they were ordered to give up the weapons. As one trooper remarked— "My gun's no good for firing purposes, but I want to keep it as a memento of a great event in my life'" # • * A graceful country sylph, in v, hitc muslin, who paid a visit to Wellington recently, discovered, when asked for her ticket, on the return trip, that her purse, in which the little bit of cardboard Avas secreted, had been taken from her pocket. She declared that she had been robbed, and evinced genuine distress, but th© stony-hearted guard said she would have to get out at the next station. They could not carry hor for nothing The girl assured him that she had purchased a return ticket, and, giving her name, said the cost of the trip would be sent to the station as soon as she reached home. A bluff old gentleman passenger became suddenly interested at this point and, after ascertaining that the name of the distressed one was the same as his own, and that they were bound for the same destination, he paid the fare. It turned out that he was the girl's uncle, and was visiting his brother after an interval of fifteen years.

Khaki enthusiasm has by no means died out in Wellington. The fact that so large a crowd braved the torrent* of ram on Saturday afternoon to go dow n the wharf and help welcome the returning contingenters by the Monowai is proof positive of that. Nofc only did a big crowd turn out, but they waited patiently under the pouring rain on the wharf whilst Premier Seddon and Mayor Aitken made the regulation speeches to the warriors in the shed. "It isn't talk, it's tucker we want 1 " exclaimed one hungry hero. "All right, pater, I'll be with you when the talking tap is turned off," replied another trooper to a parent who had not seen his son since the Second sailed away. And there was the smiling ruddy face of Confectioner Wighton waiting in the crowd anxious to squeeze the hand of that son (now a sergeant) whom the cable informed him had been killed. * # * It was noticeable that the men who "missed the Tongariro" at Sydney, and oame on by the direct boat earlier in the week, lined up with their comrades in the shed as if nothing had happened. Andw hat a youth Major Crawshaw looked as he commanded the party ! Colonel Sommerville was a proud sire as he hurried to the gangway to congratulate his son Charley on getting his well-deserved promotion. A number of old folks who had come down specially from Wanganui to meet their conquering hero sons were also fluttering, near. Later on, Colonels Sommerville and Collins were seen in close confab. "Your boy Charley has comeback looking well," said the Wellingtonian. ''Yes," replied the Wanganui warrior, "and I hear that your boy has been ordered to join his regiment." Life is a mosaic of meetings and paxtmgs. Major Crawshaw fathered that Maxim gun, which his men of the Second captured at the Vet River, and warned Sergeant Wiehton "not to lose it." The Wellington boy said he would sooner lose his blooming head.

It, is stated that this year the Government have not paid the full capitations to volunteer companies. No reason has been assigned, but all the same the sum is a pound less than usual. Naturally, the men are disgusted, and they wanf to know if this is the way the Department is carrying out the vigorous volunteer policy enunciated last year. Disbandments are talked about, and there are rumours of actions, with a view fco recovery. • • • The King's portrait on the new coinage will show his profile turning to the right. The tradition, it seems, is that the head of the sovereign should always turn m the reverse way to that of his predecessor. Thus, George 111. looked to the right, George IV. to the left, William IV. to the right, and Queen Victoria to the left. * * • A very bright and happy little party sat down to a sumptuous wedding breakfast in the city not long ago. The customary toasts were being honoured in bumpers of champagne, when the Polite Idiot, a new arrival in Wellington, and a friend of a junior branch of the family, rose, and, with flushed cheek and many smiles, proposed the health of the bride's father. He expatiated at length on the many good (or imaginary) sualities of the subject of his remarks his remarkable commercial successes ; model home life and tender solicitude for the welfare of his children, the fair and charming bride being an elaborate testimony of the care bestowed upon her by that paternal relative in regard to her upbringing. Sundry nudges failed to give the flushed orator a hint that he was steering an erratic course, and it was not, until after breakfast that the cheerful fool learned that the man at the head of the table about whom he had been so eulogistic was the girl's step-father, a,nd had occupied that position for a few months only.

the line somewhere. After he had got through, the Erst one, he came across a lump of wood, and gazed at it in wonderment. ' Then he called the head waiter. "Look here," he said; "I'm a good customer, and I have sausages every day. I know they are made of dog, and I don't mind eating dog, but, hang it, I can't stand eating the kennel as well as the dog." * • • It is said to be a perfectly true bill. An irascible tradesman, well known in South Wellington, had a wordy warfare with an angry Chow the other day over an account which he swore had been settled. He concluded by calling the pig-tailed merchant all the adjective things he could think of. At the end of this fiery peroration, the Celestial blurted out, "Whafor you call me liar and other bad tings ; you two big fool ; me no lik ayou — a bloomin' shay pee (J.P.), O bah'" Things are coming to a fine pass, truly, when even the Heathen Chinee scoffs at the Jay Pee. * * * Mr. W. H. Cooper, who is president of the Wellington branch of the Operative Bootmakers' Union, secretary of the Trades Council, and leader of the case for the Cooks' and Stewards' Union, which was before the Conciliation Board this week, is well known among trades unionists of this city. He is a young man, and comes of a Christchurch family of good position. His family intended him for the law, but, after devilling on the subject for a while, he dropped it, and went to the calling of the awl and last. During the hearing of the big case before the Arbitration Court, last week, Mr. Cooper had the honour of playina; the part of leading counsel for the Federated Bootmakers of the colony, and won kudos for the able and conciliatory manner in which he conducted the case. His opponent Avas Mr. Frostick (of Christchurch), whom Judge Cooper specially praised for his ability. * • • Touching those presents and titles, which the Duke is bringing out in his carpet-bag. Titles, it appears, cost a deal of money in the way of initiation fees, which may possibly explain the backwardness of some colonial polite cians in coming forward to grasp a handle to their name. If Mayor Aitkon or Premier Seddon feel that way they might take a leaf out of Bismarck's book. It is recorded that the Spanish Government wanted to invest the German Chancellor with the Order of the Golden Fleece. "I'll take it," replied Bismarck, "on condition that I do not have to travel to Spain for it." The O.G.F. was sent to him — and there followed a bill for 8000 francs for fees! Bissy was furious, and sent for the Spanish Ambassador instanter. "If I had known the cost," said the massive German, angrily, "I should not havo accepted it — and, in any case, I won't pay for it"" And he did not.

Fred Shugar, who died of typhoid fever in the Gisborne Hospital last week, was well known throughout the Wairarapa. He received his earliest journalistic training in Napier. Then, for some years, he was reporter for the Pahiatua "Herald," and made friends with every pressman he met at public functions, and particularly at agricultural shows, where he collaborated willingly with city scribes. He was a faithful son to his mother, who was left a widow when Fred was a babe. It was at a very early age that he went to work in order to lighten his mother's burden, and he kept the family right up to the last. He was only some twenty-five summers old when he "crossed the bar," and had then been but a few months in the enjoyment of a good billet on the Gisborne "Herald." • ♦ • Three members of a family dame together in Wellington one night recently, after the lapse of many weary years. It appears that a gentleman who followed commercial pursuits, and A\as fairly well-to-do, became jealous of his wife over ten years ago, and the result of a violent scene was a hurried separa-

tioa. That occurred in Melbourne, and the husband, who has since become wealthy, has travelled the wide world over and over again, and only the other day turned up in this city. Riding to Newtown in a tram, liis wife, accompanied by her daughter, now grown to be a-pretty young woman, entered, and the recognition was mutual. The lady did not faint, or make- a "scene" she just smiled, shook hands, said "How do you do," and sat down. Now they are living together again, happily reunited. • • • There was much demure Sabbatarian mirth on the the Terrace on Sunday evening, just as the church-going people were quietly strolling home from service. The occasion for it all lay in the absent-mindedness of an affectionate couple who occupied the window -seat of the drawing-room, and had quite forgotten to draw the blinds. In blissful unconsciousness of the outer world, they sat with arms intertwined, her head upon his manly shoulder, except at the frequent intervals when he lifted it up tendeily to mipiint a chaste salute upon those pouting lips Tho astonish-

ing part of the affair is the remarkable fortitude those elderly church-goers displayed in. standing so long out in the street to watch the manifestations of love's young dream. They voted it "a silly performance," but, all the some, they were quite prepared to see it through At last, a pentrating giggle loached the young man's ears, atid — the tableau disappeared. • » • How is it that the ordinary sausage of commerce is habitually made the subject of a joke? A vague allusion to its ingredients at the breakfast table is bound to raise a smile. A remark about sausages at a variety entertainment sends the audience into hysterics for some unfathomable reason or other . and readers vwll remember a political meeting of Mr. Jelhcoe's being broken light up bv a man gravely asking the candidate if lie uould like a pork sausaop The "mystery" connected with tins article seems to be its chief charm, but a certain citizen, employed at "the Buildings," who ordered a plate of sausages for his dinner at a local caravanserai, the other day, put his foot down, and dcclaicd that lie must draw