It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 45, 11 May 1901, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

— Thai local census, sub-enumerators complained that they worked vervhaid foi indiffeicnt pa\ . -That 'just what the Duchess wears" is being piessed upon shoppers with great precision lately. — That Mi Joseph Ivess is an easy first as a rag-plantei," having started twenty-five papers in this colony. — That some of England's battles in South Afnca have been won on the Ruehy football grounds of New Zealand. - That it is being loudly whispered that the Duke will not distribute so main knighthoods in New Zealand after all. — That lull residents voted on a sort of teetotal ticket at the Wellington city elections — they were solid on the water question. That a man who described himself as. a "border-widow er" at census time is a widower and a boaider in the house he is living in. That a young Wellingtonian got into trouble over Sydney way through a cheque, and he had a great job to get out of it. Liquor again! — That the decision of insurance companies to raise the rate in the North Island is due to the habit of some people of making light of things. That a Wellington politician lately remarked that he had seen Premier Seddon master a good many things, and he would now like to see him master a bike. — That the destruction of the Bruce Woollen Mill has shown that fire-proof walls and doors are of httle use when the flames can creep along the roof and get down skylights.

--That J P might well be changed to P.J. — "Poor justice." — That hockey has displaced football m nopulanty as a winter game up Masterton way. — That tan boots aro going out of fashion , so is the Johnny who takes a tuck in his pants to let Society know it is raining in London. That it would not bo a bad idea for a detective or tw o to travel more or less regularly on the boats where depredations are constantly occurring. — That, according to an observant man about town, bankrupts generally appear better dressed and happier than anyone else in the community. — That gum pots should be placed on the desks at the Post Office to make up for the insufficient adhesive matter on the backs of postage stamps. — That an up-country paper, in giving a report of a lecture on "Fools," worked -off the antiquated "gag" that "Ihere was a large number present." — That a Canterbury schoolmaster, who, "from conscientious motives," declined to instruct his scholars in military drill, has been asked to resign. ---That the election agents of a certain civic candidate, who did not get in, were rudely told to go to an unexplored region for their hard-earned money. — That quite a number of bogus South African heroes are making their voices heard in some country districts , and they spin a good yarn every time. — That Melrose Councillors have been unmercifully chaffed over the wage (12s 6d a week) paid to their clerk's hardworked assistant. A princely wage, truly. — That a great many non-practising lawyers in the colony have been obliged to pursue other avocations of late. Alleged cause — not enough legal business to go round. — That some touring combinations have not the luck that they had aforetime in the matter of securing permission to hold Sunday concerts. They are Sunday, all right, but not always of a Sunday sort. — That the obnoxious word "slavey" is fast disappearing from our vocabulary. "Lady help" figures largely in the census papers — "the lady what peels the pertaters" declining to be classed as a domestic servant.

— That one well-known ship's officer, in the intercolonial trade, is seriously thinking of entering the church. — That the almost daily vagaries of a prominent person in a certain northern locality point to one ending — the asylum. — That a man, who made over £200 at a recent race-meeting, found, on returning home, thai his sick wife was dead — That certain Southern labour regis-try-offices are doing a brisk business in sending up to Wellington batches of "domestics," most of whom are at once "placed." — That, according to some people who have a great idea of thig country, the Commonwealth should join New Zealand, instead of New Zealand joining the Commonwealth. — That spielers and thieves are reaping a fine harvest on the coastal steamers. Latest victim. Trainer Dick Mason, who was relieved of thirty pounds on the Rotomahana. — -Tli at a young woman, who inadvertently left her sweetheart's love-let-ter in a novel, which she subsequently lent to a friend, is now wondering why the latter looks at her so curiously. — That someone has written the word "disgraceful" across that neglected tablet alongside the Public Library which commemorates the late Mr. Parnell, father of the eight-hours movement. — That a Petone woman stated recently that she had only once found a man under her bed, and he was her husband, who had disappeared when he thought he heard burglars operating. — That a local doctor, who had to break the news to a Wellington parent the other day, says he never before realised how hard a job it is to convince the father of twins that two heads are better than one. — That an exuberant lodger up Te Aro way, who played a solo game of football with his landlady's new hat lately, now figures as a "retired player" — in that particular respect, anyway. — That an original remark was made in a Petone Sunday school last Sunday. "What is an epistle?" asked a certain young lady teacher of her class of small boys. "The wife of an apostle," promptly replied the smartest youngster to the great admiration of his youthful chums.

— That a person, who has been living well here under someone else's name, has tripped South. He will be getting tripped up. — That odds are already being staked, as to the probable state of the weather during the Royal visit. Some people w ould bet over a funeral. — That, in some districts, the residents heartily wish the Health Officer w ould condemn the school buildings, and order them to be pulled down. — That certain prominent personages are now practising against the watch — seeing how much they can say in fifteen seconds, in view of a Royal korero. — That, if those grimy coal hulks are to remain in their present conspicuous position, they should be disguised in holiday finery by the Harbour Board. — That a local cycliste, who collided with another wheeler while comet gazing the other evening in Jervois Quay, saw a great many more stars than she bargained for. — That a well-dressed individual was rebuked by a lady for smoking in a tram car the other day, but he made no sign. Turned out later that he was stone deaf. — That fine care will be taken in the way of preventing certain ambitious "social" people from pushing their way to the front next month. The visitors will be very jealously guarded. — That a country paper, alluding to the lazy members of the Horowhenua Mounted Rifles, says a putty medal is about all they will win in the ranks, and as volunteers they deserve bayonetting. — That the Press Association has allayed all fears to the contrary, by getting it cabled from Melbourne that the Duchess is "not" as plain as her photographs make her out to be. Reads like a stray "social column" note. — That a member of a friendly society, who is a widower, reported in due course the other night that he was about to remarry— and gravely asked whether funeral expenses were allowed for second wives! He was "very previous." — That the frequency of deaths under chloroform suggests to the lay mind that in these days of Royal Commissions for everything, it would not be a bad idea to appoint a medical commission to inquire exhaustively into the use of anaesthetics.