It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 44, 4 May 1901, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

That the Royal pair arm o in Wellington on the anniversary of the battle of Watciloo. - That theie are still a great many lookcnos in Wellington which should be turned into firewood. — That an Australian detective, over on a ho'uLn , came across quite a lot of old acquaintances dunng his stay in New Zealand — That a popular skipper who was run into by a lady bilust the other day, tluca,tened to have her up for a breacli of the Navigation Act. — That in a certain church, on a lecent Sunday, there was hardly room for the congiegation, aalio went to hear the. adA r ertised seimon, "Behold, I have played the fool." — That it is stated in a respectful undertone that a recently gaoled falsepretencer does not hail from Melbourne at all, but is w e'l-connected down Otago flay. — That the Minister of Mines is not averse to the employment of girls in the offices of mining companies, and :s advising the girls to attend the School of Mines in order to qualify. — That an applicant in Melbourne for an old age pension had previously drawn £200 from the bank, and buried it in his back -yard. He was fined £25, and the two hundred is now possessed by someone unknown, who saw him planting it. — That the Auckland Tramway Company have now completed the uniforming of their conductors, who are dressed in a neat khaki suit, the caps having a plated legend "conductor." The drivers simply have the word "driver" on their caps.

— That, a "vag." was lately asked in the SM. Court how he lived. "There arc some gool lunches at the hotel bars,'' retorted the sergeant. — That, judging by the way the Governor is proceeding, he would like the Duke and Duchess to just pop m, vu ' Good-day," and clear out. That one enterprising Wellington Council candidate had his election literature distributed on the Sabbath — w hen people had most time to read it. — That a widower, with a family, who had quite a number of housekeepers in a few months, induced his last one to stay on indefinitely. He married her. — That, according to one politician supposed to be in-the-know, State pawnshops, charging a very cheap rate of interest, will be established in the colony within a couple of years or so. — That there is a rumour about town that the Harbour Board intends presenting the Duke with a painting of the port, the picturesque coal-hulks being show n off to special advantage. — That the great bat and ball game would soon rise from its present mediocre position in New Zealand if Cricket Associations endeavoured to raise sufficient cash for efficient "coaches." --That recently, in a certain country school, one of the questions 'vas "What is the masculine of doe?" and that the biggest boy (he was the son of the local editor) answered "Paste." — That a country churchwarden the other evening expressed regret at the falling off in the income from the cemetery, but "hoped there would be an improvement during the coming year." — That a sharp individual, who marned a Wellington widow, whom he knew had a heap of money in mining a while back, is now breaking his heart, m a different manner, trying to pay the calls. — That a generous uncle, who gave a local nephew a nice plot of land upcountry, discovered the week following that the festive young man had mortgaged it up to the hilt, and was having a handsome time on the "other side." — That there was a right royal row at a city boardinghouse the other night, when one of the inmates placed a clothes-peg on the nose of a fellowboarder to stop his foghorn-snoring. It was effective — and so were the sleeper's blows subsequently.

— That a Wellington lady gingerbeer apostle believes that the Temperance cause would benefit considerably if every hotel were compelled to run a "soft drink" bar — presided over by dainty, smiling Hebes. — That a Wellington boarding-house landlady wrote a lodger down as a "gentleman." The census collector said, "What does ho do? He must do something." Her brief and all-sufficient reply was, "He rides a bicycle." — That a thoughtful old country gentleman, on a visit to town, remarked to a Lambton Quay policeman the othei day that it was wonderful the number of people named Alias who find their way to the Court dock. — That the proposal to cremate bodies of persons dying of infectious disease s a step in the right direction, and thai before the expiration of the present decade public sentiment will admit of all bodies being disposed of similarly, as a sanitary measure. — That the man who walked up and down in front of the ''Post" for about two hours the other day, and at last boldly dashed in with his hat over hia eyes, must have been the individual who was advertising for a "double perambulator." But he will get over that. — That the Chinese question has struck Wellington in quite a new phase. Several of the suburban Celes' tial hawkers of "salalee" and cabbagee have intimated to their customers that during the Duke of Yockee's visit all vegetables will be much dealah in plice. When the Caucasian leads the Heathen is not slow to follow. — That, after a while, when our returned warriors have beaten their swords into toothpicks and walkingsticks, it will be rather comic business to read the pasteboards of some of them. "Jim Jones, D.5.0., representing Old Rye Whisky Company," or "Bill Smith, C.8., rent and debt collector," will be a new line in visiting cards. — That the s.s. Ophir, which brings along the Royal visitors to the colonies, carries twenty-seven naval officers (what opportunities for flirtation), 125 blue.lackets, 100 marines, thirty - seven bandsmen, and twenty boys, fifty stewards, nine cooks, three bakers, seven engineer officers, with a large staff of (vaccinated) stokers, etc., bringing up to about 525 the number on board, all told.

— That a religious band played at a West Coast race meeting the other day, and gratis, too. — That there are three thousand J's.P. in New Zealand. The "maiesty of the law!" — That one of the officers of our military forces is distinguished by his subordinates with the title of "Missus." — That a Lyttelton applicant for an old age pension admitted that he had money in the bank — twopence, and it had been there twenty years. — That the fact of the disastrous wreck of the Federal having taken place during the Commonwealth elections week is ominous. Fiddlesticks! — That a certain individual, who lost a pot of money over slow gee-gees and fast jockeys some time back, has just gone in for some more experience of the game. — That great sympathy is being expressed throughout Thorndon at the cheap and easy manner in which the popular mashers, Fred and Bob, were sold the other day. — That a painter was up-to-date with his notice-board in Adelaide-road last week. The notice on the board leaning against the newly-painted building read —"Mind De Wet Paint!" — That a local lady began to exult when she retained her Mary Jane for two whole months. But a week later a butcher's delegate proposed, was acceptod, and now the kitchen fairy has flitted to a domicile of her own. — That a disappointed burgess, whose electioneering did not work out successfully, is amusing his friends with an acrostic that he has built up from the names of Messrs. Aitken, Smith, Winder, Izard, Nathan, Devine, Luke, and Evans. — That the happy little pair who have been so often of late promenading the Empire City, with their arms entwined, intend holding their wedding in June next, in special honour of the Royal visitors. The list of invites is now being carefully compiled. — That the new waitress of a popular Wellington hotel knows a thing or two about table etiquette all right, but somehow or other she did not score on the first lesson. It was with a scornful sniff that she said, "It is not the custom to serve a knife with pie." "Then bring me an axe," was the curt reply of the West Coaster.