It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 42, 20 April 1901, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

—That "the Colonel" very much enjoyed his Easter holiday up the Wanganui nver. —That Allan Orr has been advising all his friends to \ ote for "my pal, Tom Wilford." —That a local bookseller says there has been a great run on books of etiquette lately. —That people w llhng to ado^t pretty babies (without premiums) appear to be in great request lately. —That you should never argue with the fair sex. The man who spins a yarn among silks and satins is sure to be worsted —That one dashing man-about-tow- n has been married over a year, but the secret is being preserved until Pa shuffles off. —That the suspected gentleman pickpocket, who moved in the best society while in New Zealand, has doubled back to Melbourne —That an influential man is now getting goods free for two months for having recommended a certain dealer for a J. P. -ship. That a man who has led a board-ing-house life asked the spirit of a pal at a spiritualists' circle how he liked his new lodgings. The medium retorted that he must not be frivolous. That a recent visitor to the colony was so impressed with the Premier's facility for talk, that he advised care. "You might have the grippe, and recover, you might fall off your horse, and recover, you might have the plagne, and reco\er — but beware of lockjaw. Get that, sir, and the shows over."

That property owners who object to the City Valuer's valuations say the Corporation has high ames. —That Julius Csesar, of Ormond (County Cook) is one of our colony's J's P Great Caesar's ghost ' That the Cornish Society want the "Cousin Jacks" to roll up and sign that address to the Duke and Duchess. —That a sporting prophet was badly chaffed last week for publishing taps about races run three days previously. — That a person suffering from religious mania was arrested down South the other day, after kicking in the Salvation Army drum. — That the new Nelson Harbour Board negatived a proposal that they should call for tenders from lawyers for their legal work. —That the Seventh Contingenters will not go short of a stimulant when th©v have Porter with them — Colonel, not colonial, Porter. —That a good many people are wanting to know how much Mr. John Holmes is getting for his job as commissioner to welcome the Duke and Duchess — That an Aucklander, who is advertising for a lady "with a view to above," as he had no friends, and cannot make the acquaintance of the fair sex, must be a very lonely man, indeed ' —That a Picton young lady is reported to have had so many proposals lately, that, just now, whenever she hears even a soda-water bottle pop, she exclaims, "Oh, this is so sudden." — That the Cuba-street people are rather wild at their thoroughfare being eliminated from the Royal procession route, but were"Manners ' enough not to expostulate with the Governor over it. — That the Mr. L. Rose Jaggar, of Melbourne, whose name appears on the last gazetted list of New Zealand Jay Pees, used to be one of the smartest men in the telegraph service of this colony. —That the fact of the Rev. J. M. Mitchell, of Hamilton, Waikato, being accused of preaching old sermons, shows he was able to keep his audience awake, at any rate. Otherwise, how would they know they were listening to "dried tongue 53 "

— That a proud city father has given his first-born a start in life by christening him "De Wet," and hopes that bad luck will never overtake him. — That at least one hardy old veteran here could give points to lecturer Louis De Rougemont, if that worthy oame across to New Zealand. — That the driver of a suburban milk and butter 'busi has just dropped into a couple of thousand pounds, and a prim, ornate residence on the hills. — That a phonograph will be an important witness in a big divorce case, which certain parties in high places are endeavouring to settle privately. — That the lady holder of a goodly parcel of shares in a moulting mining show is clinging on to them, like mussels to a pile, although given the tip to "get out." — That that woman must have been very eager to get back her lost cash when she gave her gold brooch as security for a borrowed pound at Wairarapa races. — -That the other day the s.s. Rotomahana put out to sea without the ship's box, and when the purser became aware of this fact, he had to request the captain to put back. — That, in Dunedin recently, a man saw the Hon. Charlie Mills, and yelled out, "Hooray for the Dook o' York." Charlie just smiled, and passed on. He is used to that sort of thing. — That the Trades Council does not know how to take Allan Orr. "He that is not with us, is against us." Allan has been trying to form a. rival body— an Unskilled Labour Council. — That a soulful Wellington damsel has written a somewhat weepy "drammer," and sent it Home for the opinion of a noted playwright. It is to be be called a "Day's Bay Romance," or something of that sort. — That some farmers down South, whose ponds have been invaded bv bird slaughterers, think that licenses should not be issued 'to people who do not know the difference between tame and wild ducks. — That H. Y. Styche, who wanted to assist his wife into another stage of existence, is now learning the bakerybusiness at Government expense, and is likely to be an expert baker when his time is up.

— That, as the result of the collapse of the dredging boom, every fourth person one meets down Dunedin way is suffering from melancholia. — That the French Consul's name sounds strangely like a new legal phrase in the Irish language — County Coort. Say it quick, "Counte De Courte." — That a requisition that was sent to an ambitious but foolish citizen lately, asking him to stand for the Council, was the work of a practical joker. — That the Easter Monday picnicparty to Crofton are still making anxious inquiries after a love-sick swain, and the cause of his ailment. — That some fashionable dames are already selecting little presents for the royal tourists, in the hope of getting one in return. The early bird, etc. — That, according to a member of a certain local body, one of the greatest dangers they had to guard against was cheap law. But when was law cheap, anyway ? — That a recent "new chum" arrival from the Old Country had such large understandings that the Customs official on the wharf wondered whether he had sailed across in them. ■ — That Two Boers, now wo.rking in this district, saw the Seventh Contingent off. They intend going into the dairying business up the line when more familiar with the work. — That the Cornwalls are to be looked after by no less than sixty policemen erf route from Auckland to Dunedin. Most people find one Colonial Robert enough at a time. — That a bailiff, not far down South, recently eloped with the daughter of a rich run-holder : and that the irate •'paw" is pursuing the fleeing couple round Australia. When last heard of, the pursuer was at Newcastle, and the pursuees at Brisbane. — That a handsome present, lately made to a Masterton lady, was found to have been obtained by false pretences, and the favoured recipient quietly sent it back on learning the facts. — That up Masterton way a prize essayist has come to light. The school inspector asked the youngsters to write a brief essay on their father. The pupil who scored was the one who squeezed his essay into five words : — "My father has ginger whiskers."