Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 42, 20 April 1901, Page 12

Entre Nous

A YOUNG man from the North, who is spending a holiday with some fi lends at Petono, received a scare, some nights since, which has gnen quite a shock to his nervous system After evening service at church, he had to peifoim escort duty for a young lady, and was afterwards left to meander home alone. His host resided in a house which was uniform in style of architect me with the villas on both sides of it. And the young man from the North, when he had got that far, was busily engaged either thinking over the sermon or recalling all the nice things he had said to the young lady whom he had convoyed. At any rate, he reached the house, skipped upstairs to his room, laid Ins hat and stick on the bed, and descended to the ground floor, reckoning he ought to be just in time for supper. * * * Opening the dining-room door gently, so as to take the party unawares,, he sustained his first shock. There was a fairly large paity round the table right enough, but he did not recognise one of them. There were several children amongst them, and he knew his host had no children of that size. Consequently, it did not take him long to make up his mind that he had struck the wrong shop. And, having made it up, he closed that door even more gently than he had opened it—thanking his lucky stars no one had noticed him — and m record time he sneaked up those stairs for his hat and stick. * * * He knew exactly on what part of the bed he had deposited them, and so he forbore to strike a light. He groped instead. Then, a strange thing happened. His groping fingers, as they ■wandered over the coverlet, suddenly came into contact with the unmistakable contour of a human figure. One hand passed over the warm breathing face, and, before he had time for thought, a sharp feminine voice called out in peremptory tones, "Who's there ? What do you want ? " The young man did not stop to explain or discuss the situation. He simply girded up his loins, and streaked for the street as it he could not get there soon enough. Striking the wrong house was bad enough, but to strike also the wrong room in the wrong house was simply awful. Next day he mustered up pluck enough to go back for his hat and stick, and explain his night's advents A good school-boy story comes down the hne from New Plymouth. The boys in one of the senior classes were competing hard for the prize for best attendance. It was a close event. One morning, ere school went in, news arrived that a leading competitor had sprained his ankle, and would be unable to leave home. His companions, however, resolved he should not be beaten so easily. They borrowed a handcart, waited on the missing boy, tumbled him into the vehicle, and carried him off triumphantly to school, where his arrival was greeted with cheers from his classmates * * * The foohshest man in Wellington on April first was a certain cycle scorcher. When he attended by request at a well-known hotel, to receive a presentation from a coterie of admmng friends, he was a bit puzzled at the occasion for all the fuss But ho built bright hopes of something unusual in the way of a pie&entation He was quite right. With great eclat they presented him with a leather medal. Asked why the ttophv had been voted to him, the broke the news gently. He had lun over thirteen people on the last Sunday afternoon he was out. * * * Dear Free L<\nge. — You are m enot in saying that the Earl of Seaheld is the head of the clan Mackenzie. He is the chief of the clan Grant. The Earls of Seafield were the chiefs of the Mackenzie^ The earldom is now defunct, and the present recognised chief of the Mackenzies is Sir Allan R. Mackenzie, Bart., of Allan Grange Rossshire. Of course, you are right as to ex-Minister John being chief of the Now Zealand Mackenzies. If I mistake not, he is the recognised chief of all the Hielan' men, Macs and others, and, as the Duke of Cornwall and York is also Karl of Inverness it is to be hoped that he will honour the chief in a manner befitting the (".term which he holds in the heaits of his countrymen. — K. McL.

Tt happened on board one of the Wanganui River steamers, during an excursion tnp to Pipinki, at Easter time Amongst the passengers was an exceedingly pretty half-caste lady, accomnanied by two children, and during tht earlier stages of the trip the young men on board were tumbling over each other in their efforts to obtain a smile or a word from the dusky beauty. From the outset a Wellington life insurance man, known to his friends as "The Doctor," had made strong running, and late in the afternoon he had the field all to himself. And now comes the point of the story. • * w "The Doctor" was so engrosed with the lady, that he did not observe one of the children playing with his goldmounted presentation umbrella, and, hearing a splash, he turned round suddenl- only to see his much-prized "gamp" fast disappearing in the distance. Needless to say, "The Doctor" wa& so annoyed that he disdained to even glance at a lady for the rest of the trip, and, as the story of his loss preceded him to Wellington, his friends have been giving him an exceedingly busy time since his return. • # # An inquisitive man in the backblocks of Otago has gone to the trouble of writing to Kipling to ask what in Heaven's name he meant by "the Five Free Nations" in his new poem, "The Young Queen." The passage is as follows So it was done in the presence, in the hall of our thousand years, In the hall of the Five Free Nations, that have no peer but their peers. It was the private secretary who replied. He said that Rudyard was abroad and had left strict orders that no letters were to be sent after him. However, the secretary was happy, etc., to be able to inform the querist that "the hall of our thousand years" was Westminster Abbey, and that the Five Free Nations are England, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and the Cape. And now, down in parts of Otago where the Doric is thickest, and the flavour of "parritch" is richest, they are wanting to know what had "pair auld Scotland done tae him" when Kipling wrote his poem. • * • Marriage, after only a very short acquaintance, is not by any means desirable, as one woman up the line has discovered to her cost. Her newly-wed-ded spouse, concerning whose antecedents she possessed very little knowledge, had to be removed to the asylum a month after the ceremony, and it was subsequently ascertained that he was what is described as a "queer fellow," and also that his mother died in an asylum. The wife is just now wondering who was the biggest lunatic — herself (who should have made more inquiry) or the afflicted husband. • • • A young lady of the Betsy Jane tribe worked off a neat dodge to get a night's lodging on the cheap from a Newtown householder a little while ago. Answering, late at night, an advertisement for a domestic servant, she accepted the engagement, and, with remarkable alacrity, agreed to go on duty at onee — did not need to go and get her things, but would send for them next day. So the "treasure" was received

with open arms, and great things were expected of one who "turned to" so readily. In the morning the mater familias adhered to bed longer than usual, in the blissful confidence that the kitchen interregnum of the previous clay was ended. But, as breakfast time approached, a suspicious silence was noted in the back regions, and, on investigation, it was found that Betsy Jane had vanished. She had simply used the bedroom for the night, and got out at dawn, to be seen no more — just then. * * * Time passed, and brought its revenges. The family shifted to another quarter of the town, and had occasion to use the "Post's" wanted column once more. This time they did not publish their name, but simply the street-number of their abode. And, among the applicants, who should march in but the same old fraudulent Betsy Jane of "flitting" propensities ' That the lady of the house expressed her opinion about the trick of months before need hardly he said. Betsy did not get the berth, and she vows now that she will reply to no more of these "anomalous" advertisements. * ■* i The Woodville people are laughing over a little matter with which a popular hotelkeeper is connected. It appears, according to the local paper, that a person called at the hostelry, and had refreshments and divers beers and sodas, telling the publican on leaving that he was the chief steward on the Tutanekai, and, aa she was a Government steamer, the Borough Council would pay his little bill ! The absurdity of the thing did not seem to strike the worthy landlord, who, last week, sent along his little account to the Solons who boss the inland township, with the' result that they have been grinning ever since. • • He is a well-known member of the legal profession, a popular club-man, and a regular enthusiast with the camera. If you meet him. in the street just now, you may, by looking hard, notice a shade of melancholy on his fine open countenance. There is a cause for it, but he does not like talking about himself, and, therefore, the chances are he will not invite your sympathy by telling his sad story. Let us, therefore, tell it for him. If ye have tears, prepare to shed them now. * • • The other day he went out on the harbour with some friends, bn a, fishing excursion. Of course, he took his camera, and, whilst the other fellows caught the giddy schnapper, he snapped the giddy anglers. He desisted only when he had run out of plates. Coming home, he was burdened with his bag of camera and a bag of lines and sundry fish. On reaching the wharf, he had to climb over another vessel to get to the steps. A friend, seeing his double burden, said, "Here, give me one of those bags!" which he did. Then, being bothered with the remaining bag, he swung it round his head, and let it fly on to the wharf. A shriek of laughter made him aware that it was his precious camera he had heaved asnore in this regardless fashion. He thought it was the other bag ! And now you know his sorrow.

The Wesleyan Literary and Debating Society is an institution of which Wellington may justly be proud. Ever since 1869, it has been unobtrusively performing most valuable work in the community, diffusing a taste for literature, encouraging the development of a critical faculty, bringing together young people for the purposes of mental improvement, and training them to form opinions for themselves, and give apt and fluent expression to them. Very many men who are now taking an active part in public affairs in various quarters of the colony were practically trained in this school. In 1889, ladies were, for the first time, admitted as members, and since then they have contributed their full share towards the society's record of work and its large measure of success. * • • We have received a copy of the programme that covers the session, which opened last week and extends to the end of October. It is a handsome specimen of typography. As for the matter of the programme, it forms a bill of fare which ought to delight the most fastidious palate. Lectures by well-known authorities are to be delivered on art, science, literature, and history. No less than six entertainments and social evenings are provided for. Six debates, too, are to take place on burning questions. Elocution is to have its due prominence, and special evenings are to be devoted to great writers. On the whole, this society impresses you as being very much alive. • • • A propos of the knighthoods which the Duke of Cornwall is bringing along in his Gladstone bag, it is whispered by people "in the know," that no title wiil be conferred except upon the recommendation of the Colonial Ministers. If this be correct, and it sounds reasonable, the prominent citizens who are tumbling over one another in various parts of the colony, in their eagerness to secure the mayoral chairs of their respective "important and rising centres" will come to the ground presently with a good solid thud. The Lance gives early publicity to this item with the idea of breaking the fall, so to speak. * * * But, if the local grocer, who has, after much toil and expense, become mayor of "Wayback," and the ambitious publican who has attained the same dignity of the borough of "Backblocks," are out of the running — at any rate, if the citizens of the capital city are good boys, and return Tom Wilford, perhaps King Richard will graciously, allow the Duke to make him a K.C.M.G. Arise, Sir Thomas! and make ready to bear thy blushing honours. ♦ * * It may be taken for granted that the Duke's "lucky bag" will contain a title for the Hon. J. G. Ward. His penny postage scheme alone, apart from his other public services, will entitle him to such an honour. Mr. Ward, since he rejoined the Ministry, has shown himself a strong, progressive administrator, and many of those who bitterly opposed him in the past have come to recognise him as the only possible successor to Mr. Seddon. In the administration of his many departments. Mr. Ward unites business capacity with unfailing courtesy and good temper.

The runaw ay secret marriage is becoming so frequent of late, and is considered to be the reason for so much ultimate unhappmess that it is at least probable that the suggestion' of a reverend gentleman of the Commonwealth will be carried into effect. He recommends that marriages should be gazetted in the "Government Gazette" for three issues prior to the actual ceremony, thus doing away with the present method of swift and sudden union. "Necessity," as we know, "knows no law," but if it became necessary to wait for two or three issues of the "Government Gazette," young couples might think better of it, and large tracts of future misery would disappear. The idea is a good one, and if it were not that New Zealand is so spotless that it has no need of the moral physician, it might even be adopted with some benefit here. * » • The clock struck nine. I looked at Kate, Whose lips were luscious red , "At a quarter after nine I mean To steal a kiss," I said. She cast a loguish look at me, And then she whispered low, With just the sweetest smilo, "That clock Is fifteen minutes slow." He is a candidate who is standing for a municipal seat not a bundled miles from Petone. His first meeting was a prolonged laugh from start to hni&h, and the candidate felt that he had his audience with him all the time. So he had. How could any buigess with a sense of humour fail to appreciate the address of a man who told them that he would, if elected, see that the by-laws were "inflated" and "inflicted" — "enforced" being the idea conveyed. Then, again, he assured his hearers that it "did him great ciedit to come out as their candidate," and ho went on to tell them of the reasons which "introduced" (induced^ him to come out. He also spoke of some hea\ expenses incurred by the municipality totalling so many "lovely" pounds. Ho furthci intimated that lie had served the district for a number of years 'and six hard months " As to finance, he was prepared to deal with questions broadly and on a ' per rata" basis, whilst he would not allow an. "emeny" of any man to interfere with public business. Such exhibitions of personal feelings were to be "depreciated." No wonder he went home fooling satisfied, from the frequent applause and laughter, that his speech had made an impression, and that ho had scored all along the line.

It is said that a party of Wellington ladies, who are well to do, and can easily afford a few buffets at the hands of Dame Fortune, have been backing the gentle but deceptive gee-gees at multifarious race meetings of late. They follow a venerable "system," knowing little or nothing about the nags in which they place their tender confidence , and, although their bank balances have been sadly depleted, they intend pursuing their giddy course until overtaken by extreme old age, probably. The only person we ever knew who guaranteed a system died through excitement when collecting his first and unexpected dividend.

They are about the spooniest of engaged couples in Wellington, and their lovey-dovey ways are the subject of much amusement to their friends. But the neatest bit of sarcasm they have yet been treated to came from a venerable matron, who had been observing their billing and cooing with supercilious scorn. Said one of their frends, in reference to the damsel of the twain "Oh, you can easily account for Phyllis's spooniness , she's been used to it all her life, for in her baby days feeding bottles were not so much in use as now, and she was spoon-fed from the start." "Well," retorted the critic, "to judge from Strephon's share in the business, he must have been fed with a ladle." And the observers assented. • • « Dear Lance. — Why should people whose chimneys catch fire, owing to neglect through non-sweeping, be haled before a court and dealt with for the enormity like a blear-eyed, disreputable drunk ? Why not fix a certain amount as a fine, and treat the matter as a civil debt ? This course is now adopted by the London County Council. — C. r * * The little romance of a Wellington girl is the subject of much local tea-table chatter just now. She was on a visit to Auckland, and attended a social function at the house of a friend the night before her return. It was there that she met a rather pleasing, well-to-do gentleman, who is connected with a leading Auckland firm, and has long been regarded as a "catch"' by femininity in the northern city. It chanced that he travelled down by the same boat as she did, and he asked the young lady straight out to marry him. It was about the last subject she thought he would speak about on such short acquaintance, and she told him so. He agreed that it was, no doubt, rather sudden, but said that so were earthquakes, and, like these latter, he meant business. The upshot was that she sported a flash engagement ring within half-an hour of her arrival in Wellington, and now writes more letters on fancy paper than she used to. * • • The dialogue took place in the S.M. Court a few days ago, and the people who heard it are still troubled with explosive laughter. That is, as often as their minds hark back to it. The witness who was in the box looked a rather green specimen of hayseed, and the spruce lawyer handled him after this fashion : — "This is not the first action you have had, I think ?" Witness : "No, it is not. I have had one before this. Counsel "I think you lost that, didn't you ?" Witness . "No, I didn't." Counsel • "Are you quite sure ? " Witness: "Quite." Counsel "What! will you swear that you did not lose that action?" Witness "I will swear I did not lose it. You lost it for me." The guffaw which followed was good enough for Bix's Gaiety.

There was trouble on a city tramcar one day last week. A well-dressed, large-sized lady, when asked for her fare, opened a fat purse, and gave the guard two pennies. He waited for the other penny, and, as it did not appear, he asked for it. "Why, you have got it,'' she replied. "No, it is threepence cash," said the guard. "Oh, no, your tickets are only twopence each, and that is all I am going to give you !" And, as she looked a woman of her word, he chose the better part of valour, and waited on the back of the car for the inspector. Apparently, that important officer, when he came to look at the situation of affairs, was also satisfied that she was not quite the sort of lady to argue with, for he, likewise, left her alone. At any rate, that substantial dame travelled on the car for a twopenny fare. * • • It does seem an anomaly unworthy of an enlightened and liberal people that some passengers on our tram service should have to pay fifty per cent, more for their ride than others. If you do not happen to have a shilling in your pocket, wherewith to buy a card, you must pay threepence for the ride, which your neighbour, who has bought a card, gets for twopence. Why not adopt the London twopenny-tube system, and abolish tickets altogether, or make the price of the ride twopence, whether by ticket or cash? There are lots of room for improvement, and, on the financial side of this 1 question, it is astonishing that the Wellington folks have put up so long with the three-penee-cash-twqpence-a - ticket system. Are you listening, Mayor Aitken? * » » Whilst on the tram question, there is another point, from among myriads, that might be noted here. The city has in its tramway employ an officer who styles himself traffic manager, yet he is seldom seen on the trams, and is never seen managing the tram traffic. Where is he? and what does he do? On every occasion when a crowd is attracted to town, the few cars that are running, both before and after the event, are crowded and crammed — and many people who are really tired out are turned away. Not once, but frequently, has this happened. * » • Now, an active traffic manager should be about on such occasions, and he should, when he notices a press of traffic, telephone up to the office for half-a-dozen cars to be turned out. During the past six months of the municipal management of the trams the city must have lost very many pounds through this defect. On very fine days, again, when many women from the southern suburbs are tempted to journey into the city, the traffic manager's eyes are sleeping, and crowded oars go by. Oftentimes in the mornings, a car from Newtown will be crowded before it passes the tramsheda, and yet it never strikes the manager how many people must be refused a passage as that car goes on its journey towards the Opera House.