By Christabel.

Free Lance, 30 March 1901, Page 10

By Christabel.

Dear Christauel — QUITE a novel way of entertaining guests was earned out at an afternoon tea at Mrs. Gilruth's on Friday last. Each guest was required, in full view of her companions, to draw a pig with her eyes shut. Now, very few people can draw a pig with their eyes open, and it is marvellous how ignorant one proved to be of the anatomy of that useful animal. Breeds unknown to any farmer were drawn. Most of them were strong in tail and legs, and had their eyes outside their circumference. Indeed, one animal had its eye on the top of its curly tail. The drawing that won the prize — a pretty little silver photo framey— was a weird pig, with its back below its feet, and its eye away from any part of it. * * * The tea-table was prettily decorated with gallardias and grasses. Mrs. Gilruth wore a pretty pale-blue silk blouse, and a black silk skirt, Miss Scully, a dainty black and white foulard, with lace yoke and half sleeves. Mrs. Mason had on a black tailormade, and a black picture hat; Mrs. Bristow, a pale grey frock, with cream guipure, and a black and white hat, and Mrs. Dyer, a pink silk blouse, a black skirt, and a black feathered hat. Mrs. Ewen wore a tan, tailor-made gown, Mrs. Kennedy, grey, with white insertion; Mrs. Fitchett, a blue muslin, with a toque with heliotrope ; Mrs. Walters was in black and white ; Mrs. Trevor Gould in navy blue and white muslin and a black toque. * * * Mrs. McEwen wore a black coat and skirt, and blue toque; Mrs. Embling, a black dress and hat; and Mrs. Ross, white skirt silk blouse, and black hat. Miss Morgan wore a white silk blouse, blue skirt, and black and grey hat ; Miss Hey wood, a black frock, with flowered panne revers on the coat, and a black hat , Miss McKerrow, a bright blue muslin, and a white and blue hat; Miss Skerrett, a black frock, and a purple and black hat, and her sister a brown tailor-made, and pink hat. Miss Kennedy wore a black coat and skirt, and purple flowers in her black hat. * -i * Mrs. Walters, from the Wairarapa, is at present a guest of Mrs. Fitchett. * * * Mr .and Mrs. Embling have taken Mr C. Johnson's house in Hobson-street f or a year. Mrs. Johnson and Miss Johnson are going a trip Home. * * * Miss Coates is back from her visit to Auckland and Rotorua, and feels much better for the change. * * * Mrs. Blair intends leaving shortly for Auckland, where Miss Blair is at college. Mrs. Blairs house has been taken by Mr. M. Turrell, who is to be married very soon to Miss Beswick, of Chnstchurch. * * * Mrs. Lethb ridge and Miss Montgomene, of Wanganui, left by the Rimutaka, for London, this week. Miss Montgomerie stayed with Mrs. Quick while in Wellington. He was a passenger on an outgoing Wellington steamer, and he held decided views against prohibition. But an elderly woman, with an American accent, got the better of him every time. "You seem to have studied the question ? " said he. "I guess I have," she said, calmly, "I have lectured for twenty years on it in the States." A piopos of the scarcity of boylabour, a significant incident occurred the other day in Wellington. A large business firm advertised for a lad, and got hardly any applications. Among them, however, was one from a girl, who asked, with delightful meekness, if she "would not do." She had had no experience, but she would soon learn. The ouestion is — as they say in Parliament — was she appointed to the position? • • • We are very far behind here in Wellington as regards pet dogs. In fact, we seem to prefer them of a strictly utilitarian sort — those who can hasten the departure of an impudent tramp, or who can capture the wily rat. But in America many smart women live in flats, and time hangs heavy on their

hands. Consequently, they pamper their pet dogs to a ridiculous extent. They have their morning, evening, and visiting suits — made, too, at the best tailors — double-breasted coats, with collars of silk and embroidery are being worn by dogs just now, while fawn cloth, high-buttoned boots are de ngueur, the buttons being often jewelled. In winter, a pet dog puts on a fur coat — as well as his own natural covering — and an animal in the very upper-crust of Society will wear, on its left leg probably — because, like the wedding finger, it is nearest the heart — a gold gemmed bracelet. Many women have their dog's clothes and their own frocks to match' • • • Crepe de chine is steadily taking the place of silk for evening wear, for it is more effective and less expensive. Black or ivory blouses of this material are charming, and, by means of various vests or collars, can be continually transformed — a most important point where purses are slender. • • ♦ By the way, the latest blouses button at the back. Fashion dictates it, and the mere woman must obey. It does not matter if one does oneself internal injury trying to fasten that middle button that is always out of reach. Feelings should not be consulted if smartness is desired. Husbands will please take notice of this announcement. Henceforth, they will have to fasten up their wives' blouses, and as the newest buttons are infinitesimal, and masculine fingers — as a rule — clumsy and large, interesting developments may result. (Continued on Page 11.)

By the very latest papers, we are told that plain strappings of glace are still the most admired trimmings for cloths, and little boleros are still much worn. These latter are made with turned-up sleeves, with border-sleeves of crepe de chine, the vest being made also of this material. The evening chiffon and muslin frocks are nearly all hand-work, and boast hundreds of tucks and row upon row of tiny puffs and insertions. Black jet boleros over satin bodies are much worn for ball-gowns. ♦ * • What do you think of a bodice that is cut like an Eton in front, and continued at the back into a stately train ? This particular coat was made of brocade, and worn over a pleated skirt of fine white cloth, and a cream net lacestriped waistcoat. * « • On the newest French hats appear immense velvet flowers— -such as only exist in the fertile imagination of a milliner. These have black and white velvet petals — only a few— and black centres. Of course, only one is necessary on a hat. They are also used as a finish to an evening bodice. Yours truly, — Phillida. There was great disappointment in fashionable circles when the unavoidable abandonment of the proposed Polo Ball was announced. The Wellington Club had made all their arrangements to entertain the visitors, but, on referring the question to an august personage, it was decided that, as the date came within the period of Court mourning, the function must be put off. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth as a consequence amongst Society girls, who are, perforce, compelled to place their loyalty before their enjoyment. • • • Miss May Seddon entertained her girl friends at a very enjoyable afternoon tea, on the occasion of her birthday, last Monday. A feature of the prettily decorated tea-table was the birthday cake, which was cut by the hostess, to the accompaniment of her friends' congratulations. Miss May Seddon wore a prettily-tucked silk blouse and dark skirt. Miss Seddon was wearing black, with a dainty collar of lace. Mrs. Dyer looked well, also, in black, and her little daughter was in white muslin. Miss Edith Bendall wore a navy blue costume, and becoming blue hat. Miss D. Bendall, a grey frock and black picture hat. The Misses Hennah wore neat, blue costumes. Miss Morshead, black and white Eton frock and scarlet toque. Miss F. Gilmer, blue coat and skirt, pretty pink hat. Others present were Mrs. Gill, and the Misses Ward, Smith, Tregear, Runcie, Y. Beauchamp, Staples, Curtis. Pender, Lynch, and Beck. During the afternoon, musical items were contributed by the Misses Seddon, Hennah, Beaucharnp, Ward, and Pender. • • • There was a nutter of interest manifest in and about Wesley Church on Wednesday afternoon last week. The occasion was the marriage of Mr. Joseph Lynam, eldest son of Mr. Robert Lynam, Napier, to Miss Sarah De Rose/ only daughter of Mr. Fred De Rose, farmer of the Taita. The Rev. W. C. Oliver officiated, and Mr. W. C. Hampton gave the bride away. The bride looked very nice in a gray costume, and she wore the usual veil with orange blossoms, and carried a pretty shower bouquet. Miss Alexia Brill, who was the bridesmaid, was dressed in white, with a spray of roses across the front, and she also earned a bouquet. Mr. J. Badden acted as best man, and, although named "Badden," he made a decidedly "good-'un." • • • After the marriage the nuptial party were driven to the residence of Mrs. Frank Phillips, in Marion-street, where a reception was held. There was a large number of choice wedding presents. On the evening prior to his marriage, Mr. Lynam was entertained by his bachelor friends, who took the opportunity to present him with a handsome clock and a framed picture. The clock carried a plate, bearing a suitable inscription. • • * The Rev. W. C. Oliver had another marriage to celebrate on Wednesday last week. It was that of Mr. Albert William Ralph, second son of Mr. T. Ralph, to Miss Lelia Martha Howe, grand-daughter of Mr. and Mrs. John Pattinson, who have been residents of Wellington for upwards of fifty years. The wedding took place at the residence of the bride's brother (Mr. J. A. B. Howe), in Brougham-street. The bride was dressed in figured cream lustre, and wore the orthodox veil and orange blossoms, and carried a handsome bouquet. There were three bridesmaids, viz., Miss G. Ralph, m cream cashmere, and the Misses Esma Howe and Esma Rissel (nieces of the bride), in white figured silk, with bouquets. The bride was given away by her brother, and Mr. H. Ralph acted as best man, and Mr. T. McDowell ai> groomsman.

At the wedding breakfast, speeches of congratulation were made by Mr. H. Coster (who proposed the health of the bride and bridegroom), Mr. Cooper (who offered the congratulations of the Musical Helpers), Mr. Crunchen, Mr. Ralph, Mr. McDowell, and Messrs. Howe. The presents were numerous and pretty. Amongst them was an easy chair from the Musical Helpers, of which body the bridegroom is an active and prominent member. After the wedding breakfast, the happy pair left for their honeymoon, which is being spent in the South Island. The bride's going-away costume was of prune silk crepon, with picture hat to match. w • • At Palmerston North, on Tuesday last week, Mr. James Wilson, youngest son of the late Mr. Joseph Wilson, of Ashurst, was married in the Broadstreet Wesleyan Church to Miss Nellie Spinks, eldest daughter of Mrs. E. Spinks, of Palmerston North. The service was choral, out of compliment to the bride, who was a member of the choir. The bride, who was given away by Mr. G. H. Bennett, looked charming in cream silk lubtre, trimmed with silk braid and chiffon to match. The bridesmaids were Misses Phoebe, Wilhelmina, and Isabel Spinks (sisters of the bride) ? and little Miss May Humphrey. Miss Phoebe and Wilhelmina Spinks wore cream brocaded poplin, trimmed with silk blonde lace and silk ribbon and chiffon, with picture hats to match. Miss Isabel was dressed in a pale green striped zephyr trimmed with Maltese lace, with a picture hat to match, __ and Miss May Humphrey wore cream velvet, trimmed with guipure lace and satin ribbons. • • • Each of the bridesmaids carried a beautiful bouquet, the gift of the bridegroom. The latter was supported by Mr. W. Jones as best man. The bridegroom's gift to the bride was a silver tea service, and to the bridesmaids pretty gold tie pins. After the wedding ceremony a large number of friends and relations were entertained at afternoon tea. The happy couple left the same evening for Napier. The

bride's travelling dress was a wavy blue serge costume with cream silk front, and she also wore a white hat with plumes. ♦ • ♦ On Wednesday last week, Mr. Carl Albert Schauer was married at St. James's Presbyterian Church, Newtown, to Miss Ellen (Nellie) Goodwin, the Rev. W. Shirer officiating. The bride looked handsome in cream figured silk lustre, with satin, chiffon, and pearl trimmings. She wore the customary veil, with orange blossoms, and carried a shower bouquet, the gift of the bridegroom. Miss Esther Goodwin (sister of the bride), and Miss A. C. Schauer (sister of the bridegroom) were the bridesmaids. They were both dressed in dove-coloured cashmere, trimmed with white silk, and white chiffon toques trimmed with tips and ospreys, and they both carried bouquets. They also wore gold jewelled brooches, the gift of the bridegroom. Mr. Peter {Thomson attended the bridegroom as best man, supported by Mr. Matthew Carr as extra groomsman, and the bride was given away by her father. • • • The wedding breakfast was served at the residence of the bride's parents, and was attended by a large number of relatives and friends. The health of the newly-wedded pair was proposed by the Rev. W. Shirer, and responded to by the bridegroom. Mr. W. Berry proposed the toast of "The Bridesmaids." Mr. Peter Thomson responded in a humorous speech. "Our Hosts" was proposed by Mr. Thos. Brien, and responded to by Mr. Goodwin. A reception was held in the evening, and the festivities were kept up till about 3 a.m. Among the numerous presents were a handsome solid silver tea service, a silver afternoon tea kettle and spirit lamp combined, a gold and silver cake basket, and a case of silver tea spoons and sugar tongs presented to the bridegroom by his fellow-students at the Technical School. The happy pair went to Otaki for their honeymoon, the bride's travelling costume being of grr- tweed, with toque to match.

IT has been ascertained that a longmissing individual, who, at one time, was a prominent townsman, holding high positions in the city, but who one day vanished most effectively, is now living in Bombay. A Wellington man, who returned recently from a trip round the world, says that although the missing man had aged considerably, and was suffering from phthisis', he recognised him immediately. He has a couple of shops, besides considerable other property, and is contented to stay where he is, although very well off. He does not intend visiting Wellington again; says he would not care to. • • • It happened on the Manawatu line only the other day and Walter Freeman has not done laughing at it yet. On the trip down from Palmerston, a bibulous joker, who had been patronising all the way-station hotels within easy reach, suddenly entered a crowded first-class smoking carriage, and demanded loudly and imperiously "Hats off!" There was no mistaking the urgency of the word of command, and instantly every head was bared, while every pair of eyes looked to see at least King Dick enter. But he did not. The ioker who gave the order merely exclaimed, "What! not a baldie amongst you? Well, I'm hanged, laughed hiccupingly, turned on his heel, and left. And the passengers rather sheepishly replaced their hats, while some of them made cursory remarks. * • • A smart Wellington doctor is laughing heartily U" his sleeve just now. At the point of the bayonet he obliged a, muscular lady patient with a medical excuse against appearing at Court. She sent word she had a certificate, but the lawyer for the contesting side required to see it. It was forthcoming, and it said "This is to certify that Mrs. Blank is suffering from excessive loquacity." Thereupon, the bailiff hunted her up, and she justified the medical evidence. • • Some of the local dealers in bicycles are grumbling. It is all on account of a certain civil servant in the "big buildings," who, they say, is cutting into their legitimate business. He finds that it pays to import bicycles and place orders with his friends and acquaintances. The dealers say he has imported and placed twenty already, and they wont to know how much longer he is going to be subsidised by a Government screw to mop up trade that would otherwise come to them.

The trite paying that "silence is golden" has just been brought home to a couple of Johnnies who occupy good social positions in the city, but whose bank accounts are in a state of flabbiness. They were both enamoured of a certain heiress. Which of the pair the lady fancied is not known , but, at any rate, over a glass of wine at the club one night they agreed that the losing suitor was to quietly receive £500 as a sort of solatium, as it were. A nice little sporting arrangement, no doubt, but walls have big ears, and the little transaction came to the knowledge of the object of so much attention, with the result that both are now out of the running, and someone else is scorching along for the winning post. • • • A bank official, who bore a high reputation in a certain branch bank in the North Island, got into sad trouble lately, owing to a shortage in the till, and he was lucky to get out of the scrape with mere dismissal. The bank people exercised leniency, and fell back on his guarantee for refund. It now transpires that the misguided official used the money to release his mother's property from the clutches of a money-lender whose rate of interest was little short of scandalous. The woman did not, apparently, know where her son got the money from to pay the usurer off ; her property is free, but at what a cost! • • • By the way, the distribution of the Duke of Cornwall's bundle of baubles will enrich the British Treasury to no inconsiderable amount. It must not be inferred that when a knighthood is conferred on a worthy (or unworthy) individual the recipient says "thank you," and that's the end of it. Far from it. For some inscrutable reason a large sum has to be paid in fees of one kind or another to Imperial sinecure billetholders, the total in each case being somewhere near a couple of hundred pounds, and that amount must be paid down before the person titled is officially recognised in This new role. However, those who are likely to be honoured will gladly spend the amount mentioned for their decoration, while innumerable persons of a nondescript character would hand out many thousands to secure the coveted distinction. » # • There is a local cabby who i& looking severely for a small boy who "had" him the other day, and we would not be that boy for anything if cabby gets him. It appears that the latter had for his fare a lady who was going up to the Hospital, but she was first taken to the Post Office, where she had some business. Cabby brought up onnosite the door, while the lady got out and went to the office. A minute later the boy in question placed his foot on the step and called "Right!" Cabby thereupon, without looking inside the cab, drove to the Hospital; while the lady, noticing on leaving the P.O. that her cab had gone, hailed another, and arrived at her destination at the same time as the one with the small boy. The look on cabby's face as he saw his fare netting out of another cab was surpris-, ingly stranm but he realised it all, when he saw that boy making tracks up a side street. If he only gets him!

The sensational rumours which have been flying about touching the alleged resignation of the Commander of the Forces are largely based on hearsay. Colonel Penton has not been offered a more lucrative appointment, either in Australia or anywhere else. The real facts are, that the Colonel's engagement will expire in October next, and, wishing to take time by the forelock, he wants the Government to give him leave of absence for the remainder of his term in the colony.

Waikouaiti, near Port Chalmers, is a very small place, but its population is quite wide awake. That is attested by the way in which the visit of the Indian Contingent was turned to account. The train only stopped for ten minutes at Waikouaiti, but the girls of Waikouaiti knew how to make the best of those fleeting ten minutes. They were on the platform with their autograph albums and fountain pens, and ten minutes sufficed them to gather in quite a large harvest of Indian signatures as souvenirs of the visit. * *. * He stood where the maiden stood beside The beautiful, blushing rose, And he lovingly bent his head and sighed, As he buried his mouth and nose Among the petals so Bweet, so rare, That the fair maid's lips had pressed. And a bumble bee that was resting there Proceeded to do the rest.

The residents of Thorndon were startled out of their aristocratic apathy the other morning by the spectacle of the Premier, in tall hat and frock coat, gaily riding up Molesworth-street on a good-looking cob. A cynical oppositionist suggested that he was "galloping to a deficit," but the general opinion seems to be that, as he believes everything needing to be done well must be done by himself, he was only trying one of the horses sent into camp for the Seventh Contingent.

An audacious young spark, with an elongated nose, and a neck like a lighthouse, entered a first-class hostelry the other day. intent on entertaining half a dozen friends. It was his birthday, and they fared right royally. At the conclusion of the feast, the giver of it congratulated the host on the excellence of his cuisine, and jauntily told him to send his bill to him at "The Buildings." The surprised hotelkeeper, who said he did not know the young barracouta from a side of beef, cleared the crowd out in double quick .time, and then posted the bill right away to the head of the department which employs him, with an explanation of the circumstances. And now there is some trouble about it. * • • The greenness of some allegedly clever shopkeepers is amazing. Just recently a well-mannered individual, in indifferent attire, stalked into a local bootshop, and, stating that he was the son of a well-known townsman — a man as well known as the town chimes — asked for a couple of pairs of boots, black and tan. He was supplied, but the shopman insisted on sending them up to the house. On arrival there the boy found the customer waiting at the gate, and actually handed them over without satisfying himself that he was the right person, and not an utter stranger. The same trick was done at a draper's shop, where, strange to say, no deception was suspected, even when the bold fraud asked, and was allowed, to change in a back-room, with a view to the old clothes being sent up to the house! * * ♦ A good thing comes from Auckland. During the recent visit of the Indian Contingent the Whangarei Band (an up-country institution) immediately preceded the visitors on the line of march. Arrived at the Domain, an elderly citizen got into conversation with one of the country bandsmen. "What do you think of New Zealand?" was the first question. (It always is). "Oh, New Zealand's all right," replied the kettle-drummer. "Have they been treating you well in the colony since you arrived?" "Very well, thank you." "Feel the cold much in this country?" "Not particularly." "What part of India do you come from?" "Whangarei." The elderly citizen did not push his kind inquiries any further. * • # Mr. Laurensen, member for Lyttelton, has lately returned from a visit to the Chathams. He could not desist from speechifying while away, and can now claim to have given the first political yabber-yabber ever delivered at the Chathams. Three-fourths of his audience were Maoris, who did not know politics from pea-soup, but an interpreter told them all about the korero, and they scattered in a rather tired frame of mind.

A Wellington man, upon whom domestic responsibilities sit lightly, has gone quite back upon the Government system of co-operative contracts. It occurred in this way. After a long spell of idleness, he got work upon a co-operative contract some distance upcountry. And, being a canny chiel, ho hastened to declare to the authorities (truly enough) that he was a married man, for he had found out that the surest way to Government compassion is to be a married man. All went well till the day came for drawing his wages, a little matter of £10. To his unutterable disgust the pay-master handed him £5, and told him the other £5 had been forwarded to his wife. He had had other intentions with regard to that £5, but he had to swallow his anger, and look pleasant. • • ♦ A certain Wellington financier kicked himself very hard one day last week. He was bound for the Hutt, and carried a satchel containing twenty pounds in notes affixed to some accounts he intended squaring. He inadvertently left the satchel in the cab which took him to the station, and made a bolt for the ticket office. Cabby, noticing the omission, rushed after him. He was profuse in his thanks, and hastily putting his hand in his pocket, drew out a note, which he handed to the grateful Jehu. When he discovered, subsequently, that the note was a "tenner," his remarks were unprintable. • * * A Napier man made a curious find the other day. In bisecting the breakfast loaf, for self and family, he struck a patch of metal. It was a large brass key. He now wants the baker to explain how it got into the staff of life. • • • A dark-tressed angel, with a sweet smile and form divine, stepped on board the Rotomahana at Lyttelton recently, and during the trip to Wellington encountered a man who recalled long years ago when, as lovers 'twain, they were engaged. The old flame burst forth anew in both, loving confidences were once again exchanged, and it was quite a blissful trip. There is something joyful about a meeting between old lovers who resolve never to part again, so the fortunate gentleman remarked, when coming into port, that they could very soon get married, and settle down in the Wairarapa, where he had a fine farm. "What on earth do you mean?" asked the fair enslaver. "Why, I thought we were going to be married?" "Good gracious, that could never be. Why, there's my husband waiting for me on the wharf !"

There has been a good deal of petty thieving out Newtown way of late, and the crimes reported have included two breakings into churches. Of course, the police say that the culprits are the small boys who, in large numbers, knock about the southern suburb at night-time. One of the church affairs, at any rate, would appear to be a boys' offence. There was attached to the Church of Christ, in Riddifordstreet, a small box, bearing the words "Communications for Pastor." This box was wrenched away the other evening, and found higher up on a vacant section. Evidently, the thief or thieves misread "Communications" for "contributions" ' • • • This, from an Australian paper, suggests reminiscences — "A son of Baronet O'Loghlen, of Melbourne, went away with the Fifth Victorian Contingent as lieutenant, having been given a considerable hoist over the heads of many better and older men. Young O'Loghlen went away to Africa with one of the earlier contingents, passing as a bushman, although he had been a city Johnnie all his life, and hardly knew the butt of a rifle from the barrel of a horse. He returned with Price's "home-sick contingent," and haunted Melbourne in his uniform — his comrades declared he slept in it. How Sir Bryans small boy secured a lieutenancy is one of those things no military fellow can understand." Of course, not. • • • She is a lady of considerable weight in this community, lioth socially and otherwise. And when she dropped into a humble greengrocer's the other day the proprietor thereof made sure of an order somewhat out of the common order of things. It was a bit uncommon all right. "Two penn'orth of herbs," she said, "and" — after a struggle with her 'pride — "on second thoughts, I'll carry the parcel home myself." Her gracious condescension quite broke him up. • • • A number of the Auckland residents of Wellington joined hands last week, and entertained a party of the Auckland Company of the Seventh Contingent. It took the form of a smoke concert, and came off in the Trocadero on Saturday night. Mr. E. Robinson filled the chair, supported on the right by Captain Harrowell and Lieutenant Connell, and on the left by Lieutenants Grant and Gane. The toasts of "The King," "Our Guests," and "The Ladies" were drunk in flowing bumpers. Songs were contributed by Lieutenant Grant, Sergeant McPherson, Troopers Parker, Wilson, Farrell, Thorn, and

Morton, Corporal Madden, and Messrs. J. Durven, and E. Robinson. Troopers Thompson and Potter recited, Mr. G. Lee gave an Irish jig, Trooper Campbell a whistling solo and a mouthorgan solo, and Corporal Madden a skipping-rope dance. The Seventh Contingent band played a selection. Mr. E. Parr made a capital piano accompanist. Before parting. Captain Harrowell thanked the Auckland residents of Wellington for their hospitality, and hoped the warriors who had thus been honoured would be able to return the compliment when they got back from their campaigning. # • • It was the last Saturday night the contingent had in camp, and the boys were a little lively. Some of them went into town, and had several parting glasses with friends and wellwishers. As midnight drew near they made tracks, it must be confessed rather unsteadily, for camp. When they reached the lines the sentry challenged, and his speech betrayed that he too had been celebrating the last night in camp. "Who goesh there?" he called. "Frien's," came the prompt reply. "Vansh, frien's, and gi'e countersign." This was a puzzler, as they had forgotten it altogether. But one of them, in a hazy kind of woy, whispered in his ear, "Whisky." This went straight home to the sentry, who answered, as he lowered his gun, "Passh, whisky ; wrong word, bu' right shmell." # • » It comes to us all the way from the camp of the Seventh Contingent, at Newtown Park. Two very pretty girls paid a visit the other Sunday afternoon to a certain sergeant, who is a great chum of their brother's. The sergeant did the honours of the camp as far as he was able, and, in showing them over the premises, introduced them to his lieutenant. Aforesaid lieutenant was shot through the heart at first sight, and, amongst other attentions, politely invited the fair visitors to afternoon tea. After a little coy hesitation they accepted, and the order went forth accordingly for tea to be served as soon as possible. # • • When it was ready, the ladies missed the sergeant. Also, they noticed that tea was only laid for three. "Where has Sergeant Blank gone?" asked one of them, demurely. "Sergeant Blank," said the lieutenant, with a rising colour, "Oh, ah, to be sure, I sent him to look after some things that want attending to." "Then we had better wait tea for him," remarked the other fair enslaver. "Wait tea for a sergeant; what an idea!" said the lieu-

tenant, in surprise. "An officer does not sit down to the same table with a sergeant, don't you know." "Oh, indeed," replied the ladies; "then good day to ou — it's the sergeant, and not the officer, we came out to see." And they went. Even yet it is not safe to talk afternoon tea to that particular officer, don't you know. • • • Not generally known that the next issue of Imperial and Commonwealth stamps will be quite unique. They will be the first British stamps to bear a king's head. Stamps were used for the first time in 1841, so that all the British stamps to date have borne the late Queen Victoria's head. • * * It has been going the rounds over afternoon tea, and has achieved quite a large circulation already. Pith of it is that a recently-made bride, who had been engaged a long time, received by letter from a rich and far more eligible parti, an offer of marriage on the very day that she took her wedded vows. Had that important missive arrived a day sooner, or even earlier on the morning of its receipt, goodness knows how things would have gone. All of which goes to show that some males are too slow. Also mails. • • • The story is told by a New Zealand trooper, recently returned from South Africa, and it illustrates the thirst for literature out on the veldt. On one occasion the troop to which he belonged was detailed to convoy a long train of transport waggons. Arrived at Elands River, where the 300 Australian Bushmen under Col. Hoare made their memorable nine-days' stand against 5000 Boers under De La Rey, he lighted upon a stray copy of Marie Corelli's novel, "The Soul of Lilith." The other troopers eagerly surrounded him with cries of "After you, old man; after you for a read." For weeks previous they had fed their minds on every chance piece of torn newspaper they came across. • • • "The Soul of Lilith" came into use directly the march was resumed. As the finder read each leaf he tore it out of the book and passed it on to the next trooper (they had "fallen-in," by the way, in the order in which they had made their requests for "a read"), and before the next stopping place was reached sixty leaves of the volume were distributed among just as many troopers, each of whom was busily engaged in reading his leaf in time to get the next one from the man in front. The sixtieth man was on the first page of the story when the finder of the book was going through the sixtieth page. • • ♦ On another occasion, on the road to Middleburg, a sharp-eyed sergeant caught sight of a paper, in a familiarlooking cover, lying under a load of iron rails packed in an open railway truck. In a few moments naif a dozen troopers were at work shifting that railway iron out of the truck, in order to get at the treasure trove. After ten minutes's hard work they got to bed-rock, and unearthed a stray capy of the New Zealand Free Lance.