It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 38, 23 March 1901, Page 22

It is Town Talk

— That the cause of a recent bogus fire-alarm was a dream of burglars by the alarmist's wife. —That New Zealand is famous for the number of its excellent laws which it is powerless to enforce. —That Chri&tchurch is establishing a record m defaulting clerks handing themselves over to justice. —That the Masterton divorce suit, in which petitioner's brother is cited as co-respondent is quite a family affair. That offers to furnish a forecast of the Federation Commission's report have been pouring into newspaper offices. That there has been an elopement from Blenheim across the Tasman sea. The other halves are said to have been left behind. That there is some talk of forming a Rentpayers' Association in Wellington. How will the Ratepayers' Association like that? — That Masterton is giving itself airs because last year none of its local religious bodies sought permission to hold an art union. — That Petone is uncertain whether to rejoice or weep at the announcement of the fact that every sect has its place of worship there.

— That some of Wellington's millionaires are seriously thinking of banging a few saxpences over the "Dook's ' visit. ' — That a professional man on the Coast recently deemed it expedient to bottle out of Court a threatened oi each of promise case. — That the proposed Royal Commission, to inquire into the teacher's bonus aftair, will, if it comes off, cost as much as the bonus vote itself. —That Judge Robert Ward, of the Native Land Court, is the latest to retire on a State pension. Away back in the sixties he was clerk of the Court at Marton. — That the stamp fiend has been* greatly in evidence in certain Wellington lately, and in one case a stampsnatching employee was fired-out of the premises. — That for a nasty spill from a horse out at the camp a certain trooper blames the official joker who gave the gee-gee an unexpected cut across the haunches. — That Bishop Julius has declared he would rather have the colonialtiamed parson than the imported article- if he could only get him of the required standard. — That, in a private letter just received. ex-Judge Martin announces hia intention of returning to Christchurch| to set up practice "so soon as the littlef scandal has blown over." \ — That one of our newly-annexed South Sea Islanders claims to have English blood in his veins, because his grandfather was one of the men who ate Captain Cook! Next. ■ — That one of the attractions at the Newtown Park camp is Lieutenant Forsythe, of the Napier Guards. "Little Billee" is pronounced by his admirers to be the handsomest man who has left or is leaving these shores to capture De Wet.

— That several ambitious spirits in the ranks of the Government party are casting longing eyes upon the billet of Leader of the Opposition. -That the refusal of the Government to pay up on less than 48 trading stamps will result in a big slice of revenue by way of odd stamps. — That Messrs. Menteith and Allen went out to Titahi Bay on Saturday last, well armed with fishing tackle and shooting irons, but up to date no more whale yarns have come to hand. — That a rejected candidate for the Seventh Contingent at Blenheim came across the Strait, and was promptly accepted in Wellington. They cut their eye-teeth early over 'in Blenheim. — That, if the flour-mill trust opens its mouth too widely, the bakers will also combine, and start a mill all "on their own." They are keeping an eye on that trust, to see how the dough rises. — That the policeman who tried to run in the street orator, for having no visible means of support, will never be in the like danger himself. He supports himself on very visible Number Fourteens. — That the Seventh Contingent are not bragging about the commissariat. On the contrary, they are wishing Defence Minister Seddon had arrived in time for their first supply of duff, on Sunday last. — That somebody or other is sure to get hurt in the almost certain rush for places on the Royal Reception Committee. The cable-man ought to have broken the news more gently that "the Dook" brings £20,000 worth of presents in his carpet-bag. — That "His Majesty's Coalmine, Limited," was the heading the Invercargill "Times" placed over its telegram in which the Premier's opinions upon nationalising coal mines were given. Not a bad heading!

—That Mr. N. J. Ton© has put in some excellent fishing lately up Masterton way. — That the Indian Contingent parted from the Hon. Charlie Mills with cheers for "the Minister Sahib." — That the Canterbury Druids have refused to permit the formation of female branches of the ancient order. — That there has been great competition for mayoral chairs throughout the colonies ever since it was notified that the Duke of Cornwall had a lot of knighthoods to give away. — That the man who started brickworks at Patea (Mr Matthews) has just been presented with a solid gold brick as watch pendant. It is inscribed "To a Brick, from Patea friends." —That Greymouth is agitated from centre to circumference over a sudden death epidemic among the local cats. Rats are plentiful, and the burning question is whether Pussy's trouble is indigestion or bubonic rat. — That a scene was caused at a local hotel the other morning by a fastidious commercial gent. He held an inquest upon the fish that was served up to him at breakfast, and, when told it was a sole, he asked whose boot it had come off. — That one of the Maori clergymen recently in Wellington burst up the gravity of a congregational meeting by citing aa proof of a religious revival among the Waikato Maoris the fact that he very often became fatigued in consequence of the numerous children he had to baptise. — That our system of telegraph wordcounting needs revision. Here are a few anomalies out of a large assorted heap . —"Half-past" one word, "hotelkeeper" two, "sawmilling" one word, "sevenpence" two, "cocksfoot" two, "cornsacks" two, "longwools" one, "racecourse" two, "fourpence" one, "fourpenny" two.