It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 37, 16 March 1901, Page 22

It is Town Talk

— That rats are once more a valuablearticle of commerce. - -That the copper-kettle collecting fad is the latest local notion. — That a sensational divorce case is likely to stir-up things in Christchurch ere long. — That some of the New Zealand warriors are returning to South Africa to marry Dutch girls. — That Railway Minister Ward is thinking about charging people by weight, the same as freight. — That sweep investors in this colony have lately had a rather unusual turn of Dame Fortune's lucky wheel. — That the eating of konim berries by way of lunch has just sent one country youngster into an early coffin. — That a Greytown resident has decided to leave that region, owing to the issue of a prohibition order against him. — That a local Society woman contemplates putting her place under the hammer, and clearing off to England for good. — That two Hawke's Bay men of money are investing in Queensland property in the hope of doubling their capital when things assume a brighter aspect there. — That the flour-millers' combine covers thirty-four New Zealand millers, Oamaru is the head-quarters, operations began the Ist of March, and the compact is binding for two years. Dough is on the rise.

— That a timid Wellingtonian, who told some people that he believed a certain house was haunted, has been threatened with dire vengeance by the w rathful ow ner. — That a pastor of a local flock, who has ju&t returned from a 12-months' jaunt abroad, preached a sermon upon "self-denial" the first clay he was back in Ins pulpit. -That Johnnies who badly want to squeeze into the Commonwealth Military Contingent for Melbourne will need to know at least half-a-dozen members of Parliament. — That an appointment, made with a Wellington young lady recently, was kept by her mother, who promptly asked what the young man s intentions were. He collapsed. — That Sir Robert Stout's contention that mining men should not be paid by cheque, necessitating cashing in publichouses, is applicable to every class of the artisan community. — That a nice little story is being told about an insurance man who inadvertently took a big nip of sarsaparilla instead of a tot of whisky after a convivial gathering the other night. — That a recent convert to married life has just let out his reason for taking a three-roomed cottage in the subuibs "There's no room for mother-in-law there," he gleefully remarks. — That one politician, who has always inveighed against Chows, and suggested that the poll tax should be made a thousand pounds or so, always gets his fruit and vegetables from the despised yellow-skins. — That the "infant terrible" of a sw r ellish family, who buy everything on the instalment plan, upset the gravity of a party of guests the other evening by asking "Papa" whether the new baby would be taken away if they could not keep up the payments. — That a wedding in Woodville recently had to be postponed from 9 o'clock in the morning till 3 in the afternoon, because a goods train unexpectedly brought a load of coals which the prospective bridegroom had to take delivery of before he could be married.

— That obtaining money by false pretences from a Patriotic Fund is a new way for a contingeriter to serve his bleeding country. — That the old-time practice of "tapping" cargo is just now more prevalent aboard ship than ever. Grog cases appear to suffer most. — That the height of mourning has been reached by the Queensland Post Office. It is sending out its mail-bags sealed with black wax. — That a local charwoman, who is a keen goldseeker, has gone to Melbourne to enter business as the result of mining share investments. —That another runaway exploit — after the Judge Martin style — is being discreetly whispered about as having just come off in the South. — That a well-known Wellington clergyman asserts that cycling has abstracted a large number of women from their proper domestic duties. — That a Wellington girl, boasting a profusion of suspiciously golden hair, has suddenly changed the colour of her tresses. What's the matter? — That there is a man up Tory-street who never does things by halves. He went out the other day to have a tooth filled, and came back full all over. — That a Southern paper made a big mistake last week in substituting one man's photograph for another's — a person who has been dead six months. — That a certain susceptible youth, who was thrashed at Thorndon one night last week, was discovered to have been engaged to three girls at the same time. — That certain local Society dames have already placed orders for costumes on the patterns of the one cabled out as intended to be worn by the Duchess of Cornwall at the opening of the Federal Parliament. — That the Count de Courte, French Consul, bought some dredging experience last week at the expense of a suit of clothes. He was going ashore from a dredger at Inch Valley when he missed his footing, and plumped over head and ears into the mud-bath.

— That Stipendiary Magistrate Dr McArthur is likely to anchor down in Wellington. He is a decided, acquisition to the Bench. '"** — That a Wellington nian, known for his "hustling" qualifications, sold his house and land within six hours after his wife's death. — That Mrs. Smith, now in custody in Sydney, in connection with the Conway affair, used to live in the same lane in Dunedm as Clements, hanged for wife murder. —That a certain ex- Wellington journalist, now in Sydney, was asked by cable to interview ex-Judge Martin, but he did not bite. —That the Rev. J. Kennedy Elliott has got his eye on Stuart Menteath over that Sunday whale-hunt. Having lectured the Premier on Sabbath observance, he cannot let the Law escape. — That two old-age pensioners married lately in order to live cheaper, and just after the event Joan confided to Darby that she had a "little stocking" laid by which was fairly well filled. —That the folk of the City of the Plains gasped when one citizen had the temerity to declare : — "The site for the Queen's statue should be in Wellington. I don't believe in haying a little tin-pot thing in every city in the colony." — That an up-country church choir were startled last Sunday during the singing of the psalm by the organblower shouting out . — "Sing like fury ! The bellows is busted!" They gave the congregation their best fortissimo effects. — That a truthful youngster came to light in a Mount Cook school one day this week. It was after this fashion : Teacher (suspiciously) : "Who wrote your composition, Johnny?" "My father." "What— all of it?" "No, mum; I helped him." — That a Dunedin police sergeant, in swearing a witness at a recent inquest, started with "On behalf of our Sovereign Lady the Oiieen," then, correcting himself, "Our Sovereign Lady the King," followed by "Our Sovereign King the Lord," and, finally, after many promptings, he got to "Our Sovereign Lord the King."