THE HEATHEN CHINEE.

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 37, 16 March 1901, Page 16

THE HEATHEN CHINEE.

(With apolwjic to litet Haite.) Which I wish to remark — And my language is plain, That the tiniest spark Of form don't remain In the heathen Chinee, his false bosom, Which fact I would rise to explain. They called him Ah Sin; He had sunk in the slough Right up to his chin, Which was dreadful you know — We sent railways and moral instruction And battleships all in a row. We said, "Sinny, your civilisation's effete, Look up, man, and give The reformers a treat, Let the world see that if you are yellow You've got a white heart." — Which was neat. Also, "Open your door Whenever we tap, We are dying to pour Cheap things on your lap, And you might lend us all a few ports like, To show you're a well-meanmg chap. Then Ah Sin looked quite gay, And proffered his hand — "The game that you play I do well under stand , I love all you wise foreign people" — And his smile it was childlike and bland. He set his door wide, And we started to trade. It will not be denied That larere foi tunes weic made, For we sold him chalked cotton and rifle, And much ammunition he buyed. And on July the first (Quite soft were the skies) Ah Sin yelled, "I thirst For the blood of the wise. Bring hither that dam Foreign Devil Behold, I will tear out his eyes!" All things have occurred That curdle the blood, And the nations are heard Crying, "Sin, please be good, We really don't want any war, Sin !" But Sin smole a smile made of wood. Which is why I remark, And my language is plain, Hi at the tiniest spark Of form don't remain In the heathen Chinee, his false bosom. Which the same I am free to maintain. — T. W. H. Crosland, in "Outlook."

Another O'Neil story. Nance was encountered in Wellington by a small Johnnie ambitious to shine on the stage and eager for an engagement. "I have had a great deal of experience with amateurs, and, after seeing you, Miss O'Neil, I shall never be satisfied until I have played Romeo to your Juliet.' Nance looked down upon the slim and diminutive aspirant, and said slowly — "You aro mistaken, aien't you > I would not mind giving you an engagement if you would play Juliet to my Romeo." # t Miss Irene Outtnm, one of the charming six belles who, over on the other side, nightly implore the Florodora audience, "Are there any more at home like you ?" is quitting the stage for mamed and domestic bliss. Miss Outtnm is a niece of the DeputyPostmaster at Melbourne, and the happy man held the rank of lieutenant in one of A^ictona's South African Contingents. # , Nellie Stewart is singing a new Kennmgham song, "Elands River, in the "Scarlet Feather." • • * Miss Kiln Russell, who has been engaged by Mr. Geoige Musgrove at a lugh salary for his grand opera company is the leading operatic soprano ot Covent Garden. She will make her colonial debut in Melbourne. • • ♦ By the way, Musgrove's grand opera enterprise is said to have cost him £30 000 before the curtain was lifted ■Jfr * * Donald Macdonald was to have left Sydney for London on Tuesday last in the Oceant. He gave Ids final speak in Melbourne Town Hall on March fath. The remarks one hears in and out of the theatre during an opera season are often very quaint. At the conclusion of the first performance of "Faust, m Sydney, the other day, a lady remarked, with disappointment, "They never sang 'Let me like a Soldier fall. Another lady, living at a fashionable hotel said that it was a pity to give the pait of Lazarillo to such a "high soprano as Madame Jansen. And Madame Jansen is the leading contralto of the company. • * * Madame Virginie Cheron, the mezzosoprano, who accompanies Madame Belle Cole on her forthcoming Australian tour, is the wife of Mr. Avon Saxon, the well-known baritone, who is also a member of the concert company. • • • Chieftain Rangiuia, the talented Maori musician, intends to visit the Old Country about the end of April, to renew his studies of the pianoforte, harp, and singing. After that he will probably make a tour of the United Kingdom" before returning home. He has only just finished a short tour of New South Wales and Victoria with the Newbury Spada Company. Popular songs are as profitable as a gold mine. The song "Some Day brought its author ten guineas, and made ten thousand guineas for its publishers! "In Old Madrid" has yielded dividends amounting to £15,000, and "My Pretty Jane" has paid the publishers at the rate of £2000 a line. "Tommy Atkins" produced £6000 in its first year. "For All Eternity," which somebody once had a chance of buying for a £10 note, is a little fortune in itself. Its co""right was recently sold for £2240. • • • Nance O'NeiPs impromptu immersion in the Avon is being retailed with all all sorts of novel effects m the Australian papers. One writer declares "the people on the bank enjoyed the spectacle of some favourite actors and actresses flopping about in the wet, uttering wild cries, and scooping in bucketsfur of flood every time they opened their heads to draw attention to the prevailing wetness, and the shocking possibility of there being a few new angels booked for heaven by the water route at professional rates. Others had to be hauled out and emptied, but Nance took advantage of her height to plant her feet squarely on the bottom and walk ashore. 'Mickie' Rankin floated, they say, but I do not believe the story that Kingston got astride him and paddled him ashore with a piece of the wreckage. 'Mickie' knows enough to come in out of the wot entirely on his own." • ♦ • That excellent acrobatic dancer Cora Casselli is on her way out for a season with Mr. Harry Rickards. Marie Lloyd, the well-known English musichall star, and Alec Hurley and Frank Latona are also on the way to Western Australia, and Miss Maggie Moore is also going. • ♦ ♦ In Melbourne. "Florodora" has been followed by "The Casino Girl," and American musical farce-comedy of the "Belle of New York" type, which has iust finished a successful run at the London Shaftesbury. Miss Carrie Moore enacts the "girl," and Mr. Lauri is cast for a German lunatic, something like the one in "The Belle." Morocco is the sunnosed scene of the plot.

Nance O'Neil's travelling retinue consists of two maids, an Ethiopian valet, three parrots, two cockatoos, a dog, a cat, and various other recognised descendants from the living things that went into the ark. * *■ * 1 The Lady Typist," a musical comedy by Gco. De Clive Lowe (a young Auckland medico with a taste for amateur theatricals) was brought under the notice of Mr. J. C. Williamson before that gentleman left for America and England, and the music has been most favourably criticised by his musical director. It was pronounced to be ]ust what is wanted by present - day audiences — catchy, blight and merry. There is some talk of the New Zealand rights being secured by Mr. Pollard, and, if so, Percy, Quealy, and Stevens will have parts suiting them so well that they might have been written for them * * * Fitz-Gerald's Bros.' big circus will be heie now very shortly. Among the new-comers who have been favourably received on the "other side" are the Dunbar Trio, Mdlle. Rhodesia, Mdlle. Antonio, the Jandaschevskys, the Karl Bi others, Mdlle. Margaretta, the French clowns Guilhume and Aougust, La Belle Rose, and Kate Montgomery. A feature which will excite interest will be the high-jumping contest between Newhaven (champion of Australia), Cadet (N.S.W.), and Stockman (Queensland), who will jump from 4ft 8m to 6ft 9in, thus introducing into the arena the features of all show grounds — viz., the high-jumping contest— -which is now the sensation on the Continent, and always excites much interest. * • • Wallaco King, the favourite black tenor, is to arrive in New Zealand shortly, under engagement to Mr. P. R Dix. Wallace King has a very sweet voice, and his rendering of "The Maid of the Mill" is alone worth the price of admission. * * • Somebody on the other side has sent me the playbill of "A Message from Mars," which the Hawtrey Comedy Company, from the Avenue Theatre, London, have just carried through a nine - weeks' season at the Sydney Palace. Most of the names" on the cast are quite new to mo. It is a three-act comedy, and the following bare synopsis suggests the style of thing.— Act 1, "Inside Mr. Horace Parker's House," time 9 p.m. (the Dream begins) ; act 2, "Outside Mrs. Clarence's House," time 11 p.m. (the Dream goes on") , act 3, same as act 1, time 1 a.m. (the Dreamer wakes). A quartette party sings some pretty carols in act 2. * • • "A Message from Mars" has just been rung off in favour of "Tom. Dick, and Harry," a piece by Mrs. Pacheco. This is a decided contrast to the previous piece, as it is pure farce of the "mixed" type played with a rush, and full of ludicrous situations. It is a case of mistaken identity, or rather identities, and for three solid acts Tom, Dick, and Harry are being mistaken for each other, hugged by the wrong girls, and generally driven crazy, while the audience shrieks witli laughter.