Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 32, 9 February 1901, Page 12

Entre Nous

A BRIDAL couple were staying at the Royal Oak one day last week, when, at the breakfast table, in the hearing of the writer, the apparently unspeakably happy bride pouted and said — Here we've only been marned two days, Clarence and you're' scolding me ahead} " The husband looked up good-naturediv from his chop and smiled forbeannejv, as he replied — "Yes, mv dear, hut ]ust think how long I've been w aitrng for the chance." Was it an\ wonder that the waiter, who is a married man himself, dropped the tea-pot. * * * There is a racy little story being told at the expense of an attractive \ oung lady who had been stumg at a certain holiday resoit and, in answer to an invitation from some friends at another popular hohdav spot, packed up and left for their society and house. She says the label on her bag was not tied on stron^h That may be so Am"how, she arrived safely, left with her friends for their family roof, leaving a porter to bring along; her bag. That night, as she prattled away to the two girls with whom she shared a room, &he abstractedly drew the black baer with "her label on it towards her, and, still talking, undid the straps and prepared -to unlock it. But she didn't get a chance, for the bag fell open, revealing a suit of py jamas, a razor-case, and other masculine attributes and effects She gasped, and sat on the floor in stony amazement, and the dear girls in front of the mirror paused in brushing their hair and looked at each other with raised eyebrows, making; in a minute or so the remark which the hostess made at breakfast "An.d where was it you were stoppin^ my dear? How did you •come to mistake the bag?" The victim of the mistake has made them understand tlunss. But affairs looked awkward at first. The label, so says the victim, must have fallen off her bag, and been tied on another like it. * » ♦ It is not at all surprising to hear that Tnnany of the Imperial troops deserted recently in Sydney. They have been seeing life in the colonies under very rosy conditions, and what wonder if they have conceived it to be a charmed existence, and have made an effort to clear themselves of their responsibilties and enjoy it. Recently, it was decided by the authorities to stop their pay until their final departure from the colonies, but even, this has not proved a sufficient check. By the wav, if the police are paid as well for the arrest ■of deserters fYom the army as they are for deseitcrs from the navy, they are in a fair way to make a tidy haul out of the coming visit. * # * A good many people w onder why our laws are so complicated. The reason, of course, is that the lawyers have so large a hand in their making. For instance, if a layman wanted to give you an orange, he w ould say "Here's an orange for you, Brown," but if a lawyer were to give you the same article he w ould put it in w riting something like this — "I hereby give, grant, and convey to you all my inteiest, right, title and advantage of and in said orange, together with its rind, skin juice, pulp, and nips, and all rights and advantage therein, with full powei to bite, suck, or otherwise eat the same, or give aw ay with or Without the and, skin, juice, pulp or pips anything herein before or in any other deed or deeds instruments of any nature or kind ■whatsoever to the contrary in any wise notwithstanding." Now you know why its so very difficult to understand the law« that are made' * ♦ • Re the great identification question ■which has been so much discussed in "Wellington lately, it transpires that an unusual cat>e has iust come to light in a southern township. Over twelve months ago a certain individual disappeared, and on seach being made a body was dragged out of a near-by river, and sw orn to bv w lfe and friends as being the missing man. The inquest-jury returned an open verdict, the deceased ■was interred in the local cemetery, and the family name inscribed on his tombstone. The other day the man who was supposed to be dead and done for w r as ■discovered working at a place over a hundred miles away. He was the right man all right, and did not deny it. But had he chosen to say that they had made a mistake, and that he did not know them, the resultant proceedings woud have been decidedly interesting. Anyhow, the woman is now proceeding against him for maintenance.

The fiancee of a city masher saved him from a very unpleasant financial position the other day. A holiday In gaol loomed largely in connection with the aiFair. It is premature yet to tell the story. Bide-a-wee.

Jt is amuMng to observe the spirit of Pecksniffian &elf-nghteousnes>s in which some of the newspapers of the colony are jumping on ex-Judge Martin. Surely, it is time he v> as allowed a rest by his self-righteous critics. Evidently, they don't think so, for they continue to improve the occasion by the recital of reminiscences — imaginary or otherwise — very much to his discredit But say what we will of Mr Martin, condemn him as we may, the fact is that he divested himself of nearly the whole of his wealth, and settled it on his w lfe and daughtei . before he made the final wrench m hich separated him and Mrs Simms from society. Many a man who criticises him severely would, under similar circumstances, have done much less than this.

The sole furniture with wliich a couple in Wellington started married life on the other day was two kerosene boxes and a mattrass. The parson kindly helped with the rest. Talk of the exigencies of colonial life '

Related that an elderly lady presented a cheque the other day to a young bank clerk at the Bank of New Zealand. After examining it critically, he said, "This is a crossed cheque, madam. I am sorry we cannot pay it across the counter." "Never mind," said the sharp-visaged one, "never mind . I can come round." But he wasn't risking that. * ♦ « It is hard, indeed, for a man to get the last and best word. A Wellington warehouse assistant, sft 4in in height, has just been admitting this gloomily to his fellow salesmen. He told his wife she had no judgment, and she just looked him over critically from head to foot and said she was beginning to realise it.

Told that the better half of a, coriaup newspaper man sent him a typewritten piece of verse extracted from an -oldtime English magazine, merely for tne pleasure of seeing whether she could trip him up. The situations were, of course, localised, and an anonymous signature attached. The result was amnsing. He wrote saying that it" was a very crude effort, and he advised her to desist from dabbling in &, line in which she could never hoj)e €"0 shine. The lady laughed on receiving "the missive, but wasn't there a row T&ftlen shq flashed it in his face on his return home. # * • The story of the detection and conviction of the ten sly-grog sellers at Bal* clutha, as told by the local paper, is an amusing and instructive one. About five months ago there appeared in Balclutha a young man, -fair and 'fresh in appearance, who wore on his ingenuous countenance no trace of guile. He who had suggested that this slouchinf hail-fellow-well-met "new chum" with the boyish, beardless face was a Scotland Yard man imported by Commissioner Tunbridge would have been laughed to Yet so it was, and he was just fresh irom earning fame as "the smart young detective" who, with infinite patience, ran Filewood, the author of a large leweilerv robbery in Dunedin, to earth. The detective's modus operandi in Balclutha was simplicity itself. He gave out that he was not long out from the Old Country (which was perfectly true), he had a little money and ''expectations," and was anxious to gam colonial experience. Putting up at one ot our boarding-houses, he began by leasing, in company wuh another young man, a billiard-room, and there had ample opportunity of becoming acquainted with the young men of the district. The "greenness" displayed by this latc&t importation from over seas on some subjects was only equalled by his unfailing cheerfulness. ♦ » * A horse transaction lesuHed badly huanci illy for him, and an animal he paid £22 10s for was disposed of for £17 10s to one of those who was afterw ards instrumental in getting mulcted in a fine of £40 besides 10 days' imprisonment. This only tended to increase his leputation as a mug." Time went on, and our detective became a wellknown character, and visited Owakaand other places in the neighbourhood along with local residents, and altogether must have had a good time until everything was in train. Then the denouement arrived. Even then he persisted until the eleventh hour that it was not. ) r> bnt the other fellow who had "given the show away" — his operations having been aided by another young man, also a detective, who arrived on the scene at show time, and professed himself so enamoured with the district that he had elected to remain, and did remain until recognised as "the King Country" intormer. By the way, it is not unlikely that Mr. Tunbridge's new detective will be "on the job" on other difficult duty elsewhere. What a flutter he would make amongst the bookmakers of Willisstreet!

Kumara and its incompatible citizens— we have seen one or two at them— ha^e ways and means of their own of making themselveb famous, ilw thunderer of that embryo oitv ot much notations— says that a person under promise— in the way of dredge claim bail to appear at the Supreme Court in March next, on a chaise of forgers', lias, skipped the country, leaving Ins sureties lamenting, and that- the police have been requested to trace his whereabouts. For the sake of one of oui townsmen, for whom we have much respect, and who is one of the sureties to the extent of liTo (adds the 'Times). ■we trust the will be successful But surely the people of Kumara aie not. going to be hard on a poor fellow iust because he has committed forgery, and skived. This is scarcely consistent with the traditions of the West An incident of the Commonwealth procession. A poor looking man m George-street declared that he would shake hands with Lord Hopetoun, and as soon as His Excellency's carriage came near him he made a dasli for it, closely followed b> two policemen. Lord v 'Hopetoun held his hat in his right hand, but noticing the r-edicament of the poor old stranger he put out hus left hand and grasped the hand extended to him. The old fellow walked beside His Excellency's carnage for some yards, retaining lus hand and smiling gleefully. While in this position he was sacred, but as soon as His Excellency relinquished his grasp the ased loyalist was seized by a policeman and tossed into the crowd. • ♦ * There's a lot of quaint orierinahfs about a rather youngish lady, who has been domiciled in Wellington for some little time past. Her devices for attaining affluence by easy but nskv, methods, are various Her last idea, which panned out well, was to stand on railway platforms, and, pretending that she was a shilling 01 so short of her fare, ask, in a pleading wa\, the most likely-looking persons if tho\ could spare it. She had a chance of nobbling two or three that wav every tiain, but the game soon got nlaved out The lady's latest dodge is to affect a \ery shabby costume and a craped hat, to solicit subscriptions for a tombstone no less, for her son's gr,u c at Karon And so that she should not be bowled out as being a receiver of money under false pretences, she actually ordered a tombstone, but, of course, did not pay for it. It was her landlady who accidentally discovered what the little game was, and threatened to hand her over to the police. So that that little dodge is up , but the lady apparently has a pood repertoire, and should get on all light One of the Wellington laundries took the death of the Queen so badly to heart that it neglected to send home the washing on the Friday afternoon immediately before the day of general closing Consequently, at one wellknown Wellington hotel there was little short of a riot. Some of the resident Johnnies, without either a clean sHrt or collar, were deonved of the chance of taking tea w ith their best "iris while other boarders who were leaving by steamer that day were compelled to start without their linen. Evidently, there is an opening: in Wellington for a thoughtful and considerate laundry, if such an institution is possible.

One story is good till another is told. That seems to be particularly evident in the case of Mr. James H. Love, for some time advance agent for Nance O'Neil and McKeo Rankin. Mr. Love told a raeA story to the San Francisco "Examiner," the leading points of which were given in our last issue Since then Mr. Rankin has written us from Christchurch fom arding copies of letters which he says w ere w ntten by Mr J. H. Love withdrawing hi& charges, and expressing regret for having made

them One lettei , puipoiting, to be signed by Jas H Low 1 and da*ed ' Sydney,' NSW, Ncn '29th, 1900 " is a complete and unqualified apolom and retraction. It declaies that if tlie wiiter lias at any time made a disparaging or deroeatorv rein irk about Miss Nance O'Neil it was a he as Miss O'Neil had "always been kind and most generous — even now iwin? my evpenses home to San Francisco after I had endeavoured to blackmail her through the Courts of New South Wales." This letter is addiessed 'To all to •whom it may conce n " md, in perfect good faith, we give the gist of it Chats with contm°"enters disclose the fact that when death stares a man in the face, and he lives to tell the tae, he spends lots of time tilling it.

Yet another point scored by the domestic Mary Jane. In an Upper Willis-street house the other day the girl overturned a whatnot, on which w ore some valuable ornaments, with disastrous results The mistress was very angry, and yet she was loth to lose the girl. 'If such a thing ever occurs again, Norah " she said, "I shall have to get another servant." "I would if I weio you, madam," coolly replied the maid, ' there's easily enough work for two ot us ' * * * The\ fleie bumped very heavily in Aurkland over the equipment of the Calliope Dock, which is being attempted to the satisfaction of the Imperial authonties In the estimate of cost, £.I.">,Uj() was set down for the foundations of the sheer legs, but now lttranvpires that these will cost £65,000. No w onder the Auckland Harbour Board whistled Sin. weeks ago, the Board moi eased the sifanes of all its officials. Now , there seems to be a doubt whether it can face that expenditure of Lh'.VOO. ■* * • This story of the Proclamation comes fiom Otaki The Chairman of the Road Board being absent, his place as chief representative man of the district was taken by the Chairman of the School Committee. And this is how he did the business, — 'I beg to proclaim Kdward VII. Kin^ of Great Britain, owing to the death of the 'late lamented, depaited. deceased' Queen Victoria " * * * Here's a surprise. S A - fair typist, who was dismissed from a certain Wellington office at the instance of the wife of her employer, has now married the woman's own brother! * ♦ ' ♦ Acting as guarantor for a contractor is bad business, as has been exemplified m the case of the Karon tunnel. There is general sympathy in the city with Messrs. Lodder and Murphy, against whom a verdict of £1000 was given the other day. Leave to appeal to the Privy Council was granted, and, expensive though these proceedings may be, there is a strong feeling in the city that a final appeal should be made.

Talk about pledges of affection. The no\wonturv fift of the wife of a Wellington nm<=ician to her loving husband was three fine baby boys at one birth. • # • The Grand Jury empanelled for this week's Fosbion of the Supreme Court had .1 Aery light list before it, and found true bills on every count. The most interesting case before it was that of the ex-Civil Servant Teener, who was charged with "hftine" public funds It is repoiterl that the Grand Jury had its greatest difficulty in coming to a decision upon Tegner's case. When the vote was taken it was found that the iur\ ko'.p in equql numbers for no bill and true bill. The foreman is said to have decided the matter with his casting vote, ,

A city resident, who hqfl npt Wgn quite well lately, rushed into a neigh- _ ' hour's house one, night last week in a_ ; , most excited state, and alarmed the" inmates by stating between gasps that a terrible thing had happened. Scent- - ing a murder, or something of that .v. v sort, they armed themselves with pokers and what not, and rushed out after him to his own domicile, accompanied by three or four passing pedestrians. He hurriedly explained that his mother and sister had been stabbed by somebody ,and suggested that half the party should enter by the front, and the other by the back way. This project was quickly carried out, and a general alarm having by this time been raised in the neighbourhood, the house was soon filled. Great surprise was expressed when no evidences of a tragedy were discovered, and that the two women were quietly playing cards. They naturally demanded the reason of the intrusion, and an explanation was tendered. "Who told you?" asked the elder lady. "'Your son." "Well, lam very sorry you were troubled," she remarked, "but you can't take any notice of what he says just now, because he's been drinki ■" to excess." Then she whisked round, and, on catching the "family pride," who said he was glad to see her alive, she marched him off to bed. * * * "Why I Introduced Penny Postage Into New Zealand," is the title of an article which the "Australian Review of Reviews" announces will appear in the February issue, from the pen of our Postmaster-General. The Lance is informed that the article, which should be an important contribution to Imperial politico-cum-business-cum-social literature, was completed on the railway train three weeks ago, during Mr. Ward's record trip from Wellington to Dunedin. Despite the high pressure at which he was then going, being interrupted by a public ceremony and dinner at Ashburton, the finishing touches were put to the article before Temuka was reached, and whilst the rattlesome train « as putting the Canterbury plains behind it at the rate of 30 miles an hour. The Northern express took the "press copy' ; back to Wellington, where the Australian mail was caught. With the Chief Justice and the Postmaster-Generat as examples, Premier Seddon will surely come out next as a journalist. * # * Tlie unutterable foolishness of penning tender love epistles was once again demonstrated last" week, when a certain society lady, while ransacking her husband's drawer for some stamps, dropped upon a forgotten letter directed in hubby's handw ritine; to one of her "set" — a young lady, of many charms, with musical aspirations, who was a constant visitor to their house. She didn't hesitate about opening the missive, the contents of which were to her as a bolt from the blue. The enraged wife placed the letter in another envelope, together with a sweet note of her own stating the circumstances under which she came by it, and posted it to the object of her husband's admiration. When lip turned up for dinner that night, there was au awkward scene, the upshot being that the parties are at present very much estranged. The matter has formed an amusing tea-table topic, and the best of it is that the girl concerned declares she loathes the man. * ■»■ • Most New Zealanders and many people abroad aie familiar with the name of Alfred Warbrick, the wellknow n guide of the Hot Lakes district. Mr. Warbrick is at present located at Taupo, and is now engaged in guiding touiists to tl c great snowy volcanoes of Tono-ariiv>, Ngaruahoe, and Ruapehu. Since the Tarawera eruption he has turned his attention to the mountains of the "National Park" district, and has made more trips to these cones than any other man, so that no one is better acquainted than he with the burning mountains of the South Taupo district. This trip is coming more into favour with tourists every year, and it will soon be the great pleasure excursion of the colony, for it exceeds in point of interest even the mountaineering experiences which the Southern Alps afford. There has been, however, considerable difficulty in arranging for competent guides at Tokaanu, at the south end of Lake Taupo, and in the absence of Mr. Warbrick (the -only really reliable quide — the others are natives), who has occasionally to leave on business, visitors have been put to a good deal of inconvenience and unnecessary expense. Those who know Mr. Warbrick speak in the warmest terms of his capabilities, and it would, says the "Observer," be a prudent step if the Government secured his services as permanent guide for the Tonganro National Park. The Government has already appointed State guides for the convenience of tourists in some parts of the South Island, and it "is high time that more attention was paid to the sights in our , district, in the matter of competent escorts for visitors, both colonists and tourists, from abroad.