Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 29, 19 January 1901, Page 10

Entre Nous

THERE was a 1 lqhly inteiesting surprise party m the Opera House pit tlie other evening. Just as the curtain went up a pious citizen, who abhors playhouses and the like — declaring them to be quite immoral — sneaked in disguised in a slouch hat, old overcoat, •and big scarf. After he had pitched ■on a nice back seat he discovered that Iris right-hand neighbour w.as his equally pious son, who was supposed to be at the week-night church service. As they were both in the same boat, so to speak, they agreed to say nothing about it, and to go again together on the Bight following. Yes, the pit. is a very fine place for those people who 'never go to plays." • ♦ * Much curiosity was evinced in the Slaying of bowls by ladies at the Thornon Green on Saturday last. Wonder lias often been expressed by those who know nothing about this pastime that there are not more ladies than gentlemen playing the gentlest of out-door games. Desnite the fact that it has "been called "only bowls," and "the old men's game," it has remained, from the historic Admiral Drake right down to the strenuous business men of Wellington, the game par excellence of the most active-minded and enterprising men in commercial and professional circles. Although the lady bowler has "been hitherto unknown in Wellington, she has been in evidence quite frequently up in Auckland, and she is a regular institution in Melbourne. More than that, she must have been an active participator in the game in the middle ages in England. Shakespeare, in "Richard II.," conveys the hint by the following lines : — Queen — What sport shall we devise here in this garden To drive away the heavy weight of care? Lady — Madam, we'll play at bowls. • * * Some of our Doubting Thomases scoffed loudly at Premier Seddon's statement that we should have a steam service which could do the trip from New Zealand to Australia in two days, thus Teducing the present length of the voyage by one-half. Just so. Last year there were scoffers when AngloAmerican engineers spoke of doing the ■trip from Europe to America in four days — and yet before the year was out, ■the mammoth liner Deutschland had Tjroken the anticipated record with •ease. And the four-day ship was not only an engineering, but a commercial, ■success. The Deutschland is 930 feet long, and can do 30 knots an hour. The Tremier must have been reading up her record. • * ♦ Although he moves in aristocratic ■circles in Wellington, he is obliged to keep up appearances at the expense of "his tradesmen. More than that, he "has Ions; been dunned by an importunate shopkeeper for an account totalling £2 ss ; and when he was accosted by the man on entering the Opera House the other night his anger knew no bounds. Tie promised to forward the amount by noon next day, and said he expected a receipt bv the afternoon mail. Next morning the wrathful debtor planned a mean revenge. Taking a cab, he went round the banks to reduce the £2 5s to "halfpence, and these — 1080 of them — he forwarded in a potato sack to his creditor. The letter's language on receiving the base metal was picturesque, and "his astonished employees thought he Tiad suddenly lost his mental balance. On partially recovering he wrote his whilom customer a particularly hot letter, which fairly bristled with strong adiectives, and enclosed a receipt. The result is that the debtor is now smiline once again, and threatens to proceed aerainst the shopman for a "breach of the Stamp Act. He had forgotten to stamp the receipt. « • • They are laughing up at Eketahuna at the misplaced confidence of a wellTtnown local resident. His hobby is flowers, and he reckons himself an authority on horticulture. Some time ago a strange plant made its appearance in the very centre of his choicest garden plot. He jumped to the conclusion it was some rare exotic with a long-winded name, and the care with which he watered and tended it was quite touching to see. It flourished amaningly, and at last there was promise of a beautiful bloom. Then at last the cruel truth was brought home to him, and his hopes were shattered. 'He vms obliged to admit that his muchprized plant was none other than that vulgar and notorious weed, the rag--wort!

A remarkable yarn reaches the Lanoe concerning a recent marriage proposal. The lady concerned was a rather pretty, middle-aged widow from a northern district, whose grace and charm and wellpreserved juvenility endowed her with the appearance of a woman much younger than she really was. During a two-months' stay in Wellington she became acquainted with an Australian who had been "doing" New Zealand for the benefit of his health, and he became so attached that he asked her to share his fortune in life. He explained that he had been married before, but his wife died a year after the ceremony. She had relations in New Zealand, but he did not know who they were or where they lived, and he did not care, anyway. On the lady making inquiries as to the maiden name of his late wife, and all the rest of it, she was shocked, and her suitor was profoundly astonished, on discovering that the late lamented was her own daughter. The ,girl had stuck to .her father's name when her mother married a second time; she went on her own hook to Melbourne, and had never written to her family after departure. Here was a revelatipn ? indeed! The man had been unwittingly, .proposing to his own mother-in-law !

face — did her utmost to dissuade him from going to South Africa, but «to no purpose, and their parting was. a bitter one. The next scene is laid at Newtown Park camp, where a rather goodlooking young man applied for enrolment. The officer intimated that they had far too .many names on the books already, but as applicant looked a very likely sort his name would be put down, and he could go through the riding, shooting, and medical tests with the rest. • » ♦ Mention of " medical test " was a cruel staggerer to the seeker alter military glory, who was none other than the forlorn sweetheart, who had come up from the south with the desperate intention of entering, the ranks in some capacity or other — she knew not what— and accompanying her lover to South Africa. But when she learned that she would have to be medically examined—^the fact had dean escaped her memory — her bright hopes were rudely dashed to the ground. The unfortunate girl encountered her tweetheart when he came off drill, and, when he heaped reproaches on her head, her breakdown was complete. He at once telegraphed lor her people, who took the poor girl home.

■Ik 'tired 3WseHington doctor mm -tattled xmt of befl-*t&e- other-niglrtby^'^Mhioii-«bly*droMed individual, -had *tdideirtlybem'anitfysingthe't)heri«h«d win* ttf^Scotlanft. He dw^otrawnrber i*rko 4ie wasor-irfeere he had come *om, Hrtft mentioned in- a sluggish way thatHheiiraß bottnd'fbr some non^itwt fjan^tful reahn, -and was going -alone. 'wraifs matter?" demanded the doctor. "Batfch; very badsh; want ftotfgten nvsh." He stumbled, und 'f ell on to thetsouch. "Why/wfcat-fcave'ytm-tlQ&e?" "BoneJ Done! Why, I ahwaUowed/m* bloomin' toothpick, thash all." l Then he fell Tusleep so suddenly thai the-doc-tor, not knowing, to do, placWi tome chairs round -the roueh, *rid toddled -off to iwd. • * • That proposed Thirteen -Glue, 'Which was in process of formation here a short time ago, seems to have had the bottom knocked out of it, for 'nothing 'has been heard of the bantling lately. TPerhaps, the prospectus was issued on -an unlucky day! The id«a was to trample down popular superstition*; hold natty little dinners on Friday*, guests passing under ladders, upsetting skit, and sporting feathers, etc., etc. They were to be -attended by a cross-eyed -waiter, barked at ty* cross-eyed dog, proceedings 4>eing egfened with the demolition of a glaas^lm*ror. The probable cost of these proposed functions in all likelihood militated against the successful Uxa^MoM of the club; perhajps ~#6me thought ft would be an unwarrantable wamte of glass, and others may not have cared after all to be so' closely connected with the "Devil's number." Well, th*i» was not anything very elevating the movement anyway. • • * The "Eketahuna Express/ of January 10th, stirs up the community with a leading article headed "Awake Eketahuna." It is therefore a fair deduction that Eketahuna must have knocked itself out over' the holidays, and is taking a long while to pull round. • • • The- woes of the unfortunate pedagogue — or those of him that have not got fat billets — we many indeed, and the profession would seem a remarkably good one for the rising "New Zea1 under to leave severely alone. An English 8.A., not long out, was glad to secure the position -of tutor to a wild and wonderful youthful trio on *a station way back, but his stay was of short duration, and he returned to Wellington last week. Bis salary was,, of course, infinitesimal, and he avoirs that one might as well try to break in crocodiles ag to tame his harum^soarunl nnpils. One of them gave him a black ©ye on Hie very fitmt day. Hi! hung on, however, until the boss suggested that he should give the cook % hand when he was not doing anythuttg else. He replied, in haughty strain, that washing up dishes was not in his line, nor in his agreement, whereupon his employer assailed him with epithet* of vitriolic scorn. Then he left. • * » An unpleasant squabble among members of a wealthy, high-toned family, in a certain northern town, has had a peculiar and undesirable result, if current gossip is to be believed. The exact particulars of the domestic war are apparently not accurately known, but, at any rate, one dark-eyed, dressy, dashing damsel vowed that if she could not have her own way over a certain, matter, she would go on the Stage, or become a barmaid. And she was as good as her word. A fortnight later her brother-in-law and some swell friends put up at a hotel in another district, and the astonishment depicted on their countenances when they discovered that the Hebe was none other than the wayward damsel before mentioned, can well be imagined. She laughed superciliously; but that was not the place for expostulation, and the brother-in-law left in high dudgeon. The family are now offering her any terms to return, but she finds that she likes the_ pleasant variety of the life, and is thinking over it.

The smart manager of -^a well-known creamery was eucraed the other day •by an old-fishioned settler in an oldfashioned way. Seems the manager condemned as .unfit to go through the separator several eons of milk belonging to aforesaid settler. He started home with them xather ruefully. On the road he met another milkman on his way to the creamery. Oddly enough there was a hotel near the place of meeting, and, further coincidence, both dairy merchants were suffering foom thirst. Over their long-sleevers the state of affairs -was discussed, and when they resumed 'their separate roads the discarded cans went back to the creamery with the others, and the settler with the rueful face went home with an empty tra-> and a lighter heart. The little plot came off all right. At the second attempt the reiected milk went thiough without a hitch. » * < One of the returned troopers of the Fourth Contingent says that w hen they first arrived at the seat of war they were served with biscuits that had been manufactured for the Crimean War. Also, that as they had a large quantity of castor oil in their composition the men could not stomach them. Next !

Here's a humorous tit-bit in connection with a -recent ~3*ee meeting. A Wanganui resident, -mho "was paying Wellington a vurit, olutnced^o stand for a while in a certain portion of WiUwstreet, where it is understood one can put his little parcel on gee-jgee*. r A burly citizen stalked up, and hurriedly handing him a pound note told him to put it on such .and such a horse in a certain race. Then he bolted off like a run-a-way steam engine. The resting visitor did not grasp the intent of the bloated capitalist for a bit, and then he rushed after him to explain that he wasn't a bookmaker at all, and the investor had made a mistake. But the man was nowhere to be seen, and the holder of the note tramped wearily up and down that street all the afternoon, in the hopes of getting a glimpse of him without result. Next morning he returned home, with the flimsy still in his pocket. » • # That was a queer story that gained currency last week in reference to one of the candidates for admission to the Sixth Contingent. The facts, so far as can be ascertained, are that the sweetheart of one southern volunteer — a winsome little creature, with a freckled