ENTRE NOUS

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 28, 12 January 1901, Page 10

ENTRE NOUS

THE Wellington Garrison Band's winnings at the band contest in Christchurch comprised £100, a gold medal for each player, and a silver - mounted baton and metronome for Mr. Herd, as -well as gold medals for cornet and quartet. The band has now piled v*> some interesting and valuable trophies, having won outright the Boosey Cup and the two challenge shields offered by the Besson firm to the North and the South Island Brass Bands' Associations, each of which had to be won for three years. The crack Dunedin band from NorthEast Valley, which came up to Wellington in March last specially to meet the "Wellington Garrisons, again had to play "second fiddle." At Wellington the Jx.IC.V. scored 154 points to Wellington's 161 in the Own Choice selection ; at •Christchurch, Wellington beat , the Dunedinites > one point only. In the test piece down South the N.E.V. fell 30 points beJow the champions, and at Wellington they were 11 points below. • • * The latest phase of the confidence -trick reaches us from a Northern town, and is decidedly original. It became lmown to the well-to-do father of a certain, young man that he had been robbing his employer pretty freely, and that tho amount totalled £350. It was a case of allowing the erring one to go •to gaol, or pay up, and although he wondered greatly how the employer, ■who wasn't deemed to be any way rich, ■could allow continual discrepancies to go on without noticing them, he planked down the cash and sent his son ■south. It now transpires that the allegation of embezzlement was all flam, and that a conspiracy existed between ■employer and the son whereby the latter^ father was to be relieved of his •cash. The business had been gome to the do?s, owine; to one thing or other, and the pair decided to rake in all they could and clear out. They are alleged to have gone over for the Common--wealth celebrations, and, as the father has shipped also, the meeting of the trio should be decidedly interesting. • * * A, certain Blenheim young man has returned from a Jubilee visit to Christchurch with saddened feelings. Whilst slowly wending his way from the railway station, on the day of his arrival at the Cathedral City, he discovered his pockets had been picked of all they contained except loose silver. Having some friends in the place, he visited them and stayed on for a few days. Finally, "he girded up his loins, and "footed it" Tiome to the "dear little town." • * • The Blenheim Garrison Band are ■pretty smart at raising the wind. Each man, it seems, has a bike, and on Christmas Eve they "did" the country for a considerable radius, and finished -up at 8 next morning, completely blown out. But the nocturnal notes of music produced a goodly harvest of notes of another and more negotiable denomination. • • • A sharp youngster made his mark in a Wellington Sunday school, out Te Aro way, last Sunday afternoon. He was among the small boys of the most juvenile class, and the eye of the young lady who controlled it suddenly snapped as she saw this particular small boy furtively munching an apple. And then, in peremptory tones, she called out, "Johnny -, will you please put that apple away quickly." Instantly the culprit stood up and explained, "Please, teicher," he said, in an injured voice, "I've been putting it away quickly all the time." • • « Dear Lance. — Re your paragraph last week concerning the similarity in apJearance of Dr. McArthur and the Hon. . G. Ward, an amusing case of mistaken identity came under writer's notice not lonef ago. It happened at Palmerston North. A daintily-dressed little lady was the sole occupant of a first-class carriage until a tall, statelylooking individual, with red whiskers, ■entered. Giving a shrill scream, she rushed forward, caught him by the whiskers with one hand, soundly belabouring him with her parasol with the other, at the same time giving him the length of her tongue in no measured language. Then a strange thing occurred. His whiskers came off, and he stood before "her an utter stranger. Never was woman more surprised. She had mistaken him for her villainous husband; hut after he had beaten a hasty retreat with his whiskers under his coat, she concluded that he could not be much account anywa~ or he would not be travelling in disguise. — C.

Having heard a great deal about the powers of Bnake charmers, a Wellington lady has been endeavouring to acquire all available information concerning the business out of Bheer curiosity. One would think that femininity would confine its charming exclusively to mankind : but the womanly desire for knowledge is inherent. Knowledge ! A case of Eve and the serpent again.

When travelling up-country on holiday bent, a few years ago, a well-known Roman Catholic priest met a disreputable, woe-begone looking tramp, and in the colloquy which followed he discovered to his amazement that the man was not one who lived by professional "sundowning," and who hoped that he would never be offered work. He was a "bona fide" — a person of fine intellectual attainments, who had sunk down in the social scale. The dead-beat conversed in both French and Latin, demonstrated that he was something more than an average classical scholar, and wound up by stating that his run-to-seed condition was due to downright hard luck, superadded to a faithless wife and false friends. No, he did not drink ; but had spent six months in an asylum ; and when he reached bed-rock after release he had never been able to rise above his troubles and attain high position again. The priest, much impressed, gave him £2 to help him on his weary way. And it did prove a help, too. Prosperous once again, he the other day sent the clergyman a cheque for £50 for church work.

A frisky Wellington drunk tried to be familiar with the presiding Justices on the bench one morning, lately. As he was jerked into the box he straightened himself up, and, with a loud hiccup, remarked, "It's a fine day, yer Honours." "You're right," remarked the Bench frigidly, "and this timer the fine will be ten shillings and costs."

The military spirit down Clyde way appears to be as dead as Julias Caesar's step-brother. A vain effort was made to form a volunteer corps there lately, but only a dozen tired individuals turned up, and the project was dropped like rod-hot iron. The girls of the district are now wondering how they would look in uniform, and will probably have a cut at the goose-step business themselves. * * • A smart youngster has been discovered out at Kilbirnie. He wa* invited out to a birthday party the other night, and was privileged, to write his name, along with the rest of the guests, in a birthday autograph album. Turning up his own birthday, he found that the poetical quotation set down opposite it was one beginning, "What is so rare as a day in Juner' And then with a flash .of inspiration, he wrote the answer, in a bold schoolboy scrawl — "A Chinaman with whiskers." It was the result of his observation of the Chinese in Wellington. Who shall say he was not a wide-awake observer of men and things P

A city man who does « very iniilf business, in a very imall office, nosteMns' an enormous safe — a relic of more prosperous day* — which he won't" Mil. Says? it is very handy for important doeir ments, of which he has * great number. Opening it in the presence of a friend to place a document there (a ittfttouuM, to tell the plain truth) the only thing discovered in it was a malodorous cat, which must have been locked up a long while. The prize safe, it was evident, was used only for the storage of atmosphere. Owner expressed wonder over an afternoon tea afterwards about that cat. Said he must have planted her there to catch mice at the time of the plague. A lot of people were "ratty" about that time. • • • Told, with many a hearty laugh, that a well-known Wellingtonian received a healthy-looking keg of beer as a Christ-mas-box from an unknown friend. The liquor was right enough, but the recipient had but a " fortnight previously signed the pledge and declared himself an adherent to temperance for two years. He first decided to waste his present. Then he thought he would give it away. But his good wife, a model of thrift, objected. "Sell it. John, sell it." And sold it was. * •■-■ • There is a man up at Lawrence who claims to be the only New Zealander who has been kicked by an elephant. It seems that Wirth's circus and menagerie went up to Lawrence the other day front Dunedin, and the elephant, which was tethered in a sheep pen adjoining the tent, received the usual attentions from juveniles and adults. Amongst those who attended the elefihantine levee was a burly cockatoo anner, who tried ■to "have" the other burly animal by offering it an- indiarub^ ber ball for mastication. Annoyed" at the trick, the elephant promptly circled the- "cocky" with hi* trunk, lifted him* over the intervening' fence into the enclosure, turned hint upside down, and, as he was tumbling to mother Earth, the Colossal- One contemptuously kicked out with a front foot, hitting the dumb-stricken' "cocky" on a part of his anatomy which he uses • for sitting upon.' It did not hurt hit feelings very much, and now he iiquiteb proud of the distinction he has achieved. She is a Thorndon girl, and just nowis grieving hard orer one of. those things that one feels mad at saying.- and> yet cannot well explain away. Her young man, who is something in the "Buildings," had been up spending the evening by the express invitation of the parents. And naturally, when he rose to go, she accompanied him as far as the garden gate, just to see he got safely off the premise*. TherO was * very pretty tableau at the gate, too* And so after he had kissed her for the twenty-first time, and pressed her dimpled cheek against his, and patted her soft round chin, she drew back and asked. "George, do you shave yourself P» "Yes/ he replied. "I thought so," she said "Your face is the roughest I ever " Then she stopped, but it was too late, and he went away with a cold, heavy lump in his breast. That is why she has been calling herself hard names ever since.

Two more unfortunate infants have started on the weary pilgrimage of life severely handicapped by outlandish names. A Christchurch man has just decorated his helpless offspring with the fantastic title of "Jubilee Canterbury," while a little innocent at Otaki has just been christened "Zealandia Africander '' because its father happens to be away at the scat of war. And a third babe has succumbed to the jingo fever, tinder whose influence it was named "Pretoria." • * • A Melbourne beauty, elegantly dresspolished manners of a lady, is "doing" ed, and with all the grace and highly New Zealand just now on a new racket, or, we should say, a number of rackets which bear the impress of originality. She just manages to go far enough without bringing herself within ment of her board bill is a very easy the pale of the law, and evading paymatter — a mere detail in her great scheme' of finance. She is a most religious person, attending church thrice on Sundays. Sitting near the door, she awaits the appearance of the collection plate, slips in half a sovereign, and takes out nine shillings ohange, and shortly afterwards makes an unobtrusive exit. Her "devotions" pan out well financially; all her half sovereigns are worn-out sixpences, heavily gilded.

A harsh, discordant note was struck at a Wanganui school break-up the other week, when an irate little woman, with the whole-souled courage of an amazon, stepped forward, and in a loud tone of voice complained of the trumpery prize awarded her child. She had contributed two shillings to the prize fund, she said, and expected something better for her money. The suave schoolmistress explained that all children were treated according to their educational merits, and the penny contribution of poor parents was as welcome as a pound from the richer. She then offered an additional prize, but it was scornfully refused by the indignant mother. Her child won't play in that school-yard any more. ♦ • • It is a strange thing that, with all its claims for progress and reform, the Wellington Trades Council does not allow women delegates to sit at its table. And yet it has at least one union of females affiliated — a union, too, which contains some active-minded women. Melbourne is further ahead on the road to progress. At a recent meeting of the Melbourne Trades Hall Council, which contains several women delegates, Mrs. Robertson (of the Tailoresses' Union) was elected a member of the executive committee. This is the first woman elected upon the committee, and in the contest for the seat Mr 9. Robertson came out second from top.

The most remarkable piece of news in last week's papers was that of the supposed message from Mars. At first sight, Wellington's funny fellows started to build up their jokes' at the expense of the cablecrammer. But Nicola Teslais the wrong sort of man to sneer and jeer at. Unlike Novelist WelW, he has not got Mars on his mind. He is not Mars-mad. If the reader of these lines is inclined to laugh at those "signals from Mars," let him think of the X-rays. We can see further through a brick-wall to-day than we could ten years ago. If your feeling is one of laughter at a very real Dr. Nicola, just pause for a moment, and think of Marconi's wireless telegraphy. A hundred years ago the suggestion of sending a message from England to Australia in a few minutes would have received the same treatment as the cablegram referring to the Bignals from Mars has been received to-day. Yet we think nothing^ of wiring to London,, of ringingup Napier on the telephone, or of riding by means of electricity! Who can deny that Mars may not have been ring-ing-up the Earth for some years: How soon, then, may not our reply be— "Are you there, Mars?" "We are." "How did you manage that fine system of sludge-channels for your alluvial mining?* "Who's speaking?" "Seddon, New Zealand — S-e-d-d-o-n !"

Mr. Edmund Parsons, of Kaikoura, received an embrace the other day for which he was quite unprepared. He had been refreshing himself with a bathe in. the open sea, at the Waipapa landing, and was just about to leave the water when he felt some clammy arms and iincanny suckers curling round his limbs. An octopus had thrown a couple of its tentacles round one leg, at the thigh, and partly round his body. A pretty lively wrestling match ensued between Parsons and the octopus on the catch-as-catch-can principle, and when Parsons got clear he was quite exhausted and his flesh was lacerated in places. * * * An impecunious band of barnstormers, who had been eking out a precarious existence in small country villages down South, were the victims of a cruel practical joke lately. They couldn't pay their hotelkeeper, and he told them to go on to the next town, where there was a fine hall and a newspaper. Taking shanks' pony for it, they stepped out, only to find on reaching their destination that the publican was a most outrageous perverter of the truth. Their next hotel friend suggested giving a performance on the roadway, taking up a collection Salvation Army fashion. This they actually did ; but the meagre financial results were so disheartening that they threw the game up, and have now gone dredging — a much better goldgetting device.

An unusual sort of an individual has been discovered browsinground the Ashburton plains lately. He is perfectly harmless apparently, but that he is suffering from extreme mental shakiness is very evident — a fact attested by his peculiar behaviour in crawling on allfours, and nibbling grass by the wayside. He has so far refrained from invading farmers' crops ; but if he does vary his diet any damage he might do is not likely to be serious. It is thought that the poor chap is a ruined grain producer, or a "ratty" rabbit trapper, who has copied the tastes of his victims in the matter of bill of fare, and who lives in hourly dread of being captured, skinned, frozen, and exported to the Old Country. • • • It happened in a northern town, not long ago. He was going away to better his fortunes, and owed a little, but as he wasn't travelling far ' they took his paper promise to pay and had to be satisfied. Being a jolly good fellow all round, two generous residents organised a purse of sovereigns testimonial, securing a fair sum. But he never got a penny of it. The purse only contained a lump of paper when presented over drinks; the two collectors were his chief creditors, and paid themselves out of the spoil.

A strange family meeting took place on one of the Union Company's boats during a trip from Wellington to Sydney. A middle-age passenger, of well-to-do appearance, met his son, from whom he had been estranged some time, on deck, and, after a handshake, said, "I've just got married ; come along and I'll introduce you to your steumother." The dutiful son obeyed, and, after making some suitable remarks, ventured the information that he also was on his honeymoon tour; and then he clipped downstairs to fossick out hi* little wife. She, too, had left the parental roof years ago, and had been fighting the battle of life alone. There was a moment's hesitation when the two women met ; then they flew to each other's arms, and sobbed. Father and ■on had married mother and daughter ! • ♦ « The "Buller Post" and the "Charleston Herald" have now got to close quarters, and are going for each other tooth and nail. The "Post" says the "Herald" has "waxed frothy and ungrammatical," and advises it to get rid of its leader-writer because of his "Billingsgate." After examining his "inane vapourings," it concludes • "His services are only of value when a dissertation on the virtues of XXX is required." The "Herald" fiercely strikes back. Under the headline, "A Howl from the Wilderness," it speaks of the "Post" as "an insignificant rag," and "a disgrace to journalism," calls its editor "a nar-

row-minded bigot," and saxs hit writings are suggestive of "fat-he a«fcd|ittM." and that Em style of repl^iri*; '-jHKfbw: cism "is borrowed ffsh the rantirig ■PWf-l' hibitionists who * howl * at .street * ctfrqfdw and gulp beer on the nlft" Finally, iv; advises him to»* "shave^ off his shaggy mane, and study, the! eftn&nts of civwsation." dobSF ntihce . their 1 phrases on the West CoatV apparently. ' # * • "- . - A bad, bold burglar -cSbset?-* consider* able commotion' in a stib%bln~ domicile one night last week: It wffififr^lattj and the occupants were wooing gentle' slumber, when a series of wife! womanly shrieks rang through the house and disturbed the placid neighbourhood. Candles were at once lighted, and a rush made for the room from whence the cries arose, the rescuers being armed with multifarious articles of a murderous character. A boisterous peal of laughter from the "burglar" greeted their arrival; he ordered the intruders away, and the woman' to bed. Then they recognised the voice. It was the disturbed woman's husband, who had had a, clean shave in the city, came home later than usual, took off his boots, and crept to his room in the good old way that has been the vogue ever since Noah battened down the ark.