Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 21, 24 November 1900, Page 10

Entre Nous

THE hullabuloo about that £4Q steal has scarcely begun to die down before the newspapers have struck the keynote of auother wail upon the extravagance of the Government. This time it is the Commonwealth inauguration, and the cost of' sending a bodyguard of white and brown warriors and kilted pipers with the Premier, that is troubling them. They are declaiming wrathfully against the uselessness of such a tawdry and ostentatious display, and arguing that it is inconsistent with the democratic spirit of the people, and inspired solely by Mr Seddon s vanity. This is calculated to make Kmg Bichard sit up. • • • G. W. Eussell, who is labouring under the delusion that the democratic mantle of John Ballance has descended upon his shoulders, is one of the most vehement. He demands to know from Mr Seddon, in his paper, the Spectator, why we should "go blaring, tearing, military mad now, and spend a heap of money we can't afford to gratify a silly itch for drums and trumpets ? Just think of it ! A personal guard of honour to Maoriland's Governor and Premier ! If Maoriland has money to spend, it ought to spend it on ameliorating the condition of its workers before wasting one copper on mere display. Would John Ballance for more personal ostentation have spent the people's money in gingerbread show ?" * * * Theve is a good deal of common sense about this, if one could only believe that G. W. Bussell is sincere. But is he sincere ? Aye, there's the rub. Or is he gratifying his spleen against Mr Seddon, which has been pretty strong lately? Fred Pirani, on the other hand, is satirical but not abusive in the Manawatu Standard. Listen to this :— " How the democratic Premier does love a Lord ! He is prepared to dress in knee breeches and be the ' fat man ' personified, if he can only get between the wind and the nobility." That knocks King Bichard's democratic pretensions off the perch at first shot.

A compositor an aSouthern paper set up a Pollard paragraph concerning that company's appearance " in Wallace's immortal opera « The Bohemian GirL " There was a lively scene between the compositor and the reporter next day .because as printed the item read— "Wallace's immoral opera 1 " But when did Wallace compose "The Bohemian Girl"? We always thought it was Balfe's. • - • Note that in Kipling's latest outburst, " The Young Queen," he refers to the " notched Kaikouraa " on the same line as the ll Surges off the Leuwin." The Kaikouras are in New Zealand, as everybody, including Kipling, ought to know, and therefore outside the Commonwealth. An Adelaide paper neatly says E.K. hasn't made a bloomer. He was prophesying! • • * There is no doubt about the constancy of some women. A tradesman told a Lance writer the other day that when he got into financial trouble, he wrote to his betrothed suggesting that they should dissolve their engagement. The fair one replied, telling him not to be foolish, and enclosed enough money for him to file his schedule. He did so, married the girl later, and now they're pegging contentedly along on the thorny road to prosperity. * * * Apropos of the paragraph in the last issue of the Lance, anent the servant girl who wanted two nights off a week for music, a correspondent writes that he knows one well-educated " general " (self taught) who has mastered French and is now tackling German. She is qualifying for a governess's situation. " I know, she remarked lately, " that governesses get poor wages, but they mix with a good class of people, and often marry well. Truly marriage ia always the one thing uppermost in the mind of the eternal feminine. * * • An unpleasant little tangle in the matrimonial line is reported from a country township down South. A hand» some, well-connected girl who became cn CT a<*ed to a commercial traveller discovered that he was already married. This he admitted, but stated that his marriage was illegal, the woman he espoused having confessed to bigamy, her first husband being still alive. The woman, he added, had since cleared out, having a wholesome fear of the law. The result is that the grieved girl has boxed up her trousseau, and the proposed marriage has been postponed indefinitely in order to allow things to straighten themselves out a bit.

The Otalci Mail undertakes to tell its readers how to make money fast and honestly. Never mind the honestly. Let us know how to make it fast. • * • That show judges are not infallible has been demonstrated during the last few weeks. A couple of Bomney Marsh sheep were exhibited at the Carterton show, and were awarded first and second prizes. The same sheep were exhibited at the Palmersfcon'show, and the positions were reversed. Strange to say, says the Star, the same gentleman judged the sheep at both shows ! • * * He had been engaged for two hours, but was making very slow progress. " Would you," he said, after they had been sitting there in the dark for a long, long time, " be angry with me if I were to kiss you ?" She was silent for a moment. Then, in tones the meaning of which was not to be mistaken, she replied : " For what reason do you suppose I turned down the light an hour and a half ago ? " # # • Quite a number are said to be in the running for the long vacant position of Chief Librarian of the General Assembly, applications for which were lately invited by the Colonial Secretary. The position is worth ±'400 a year, and why it was not tilled long ago is not quite clear. Mr James, a valued officer who has been acting as chief in the interim, was voted a bonus last session for his extra work, besides having his salary raised to j-300 per annum, so that it does not look as if he is in the count. * # * Those who have read that capital story "The Golfer's Wife" can possibly imagine how absorbing the game can become. The latest story of its alluring influence comes from Westport, where an individual who thought there was nothing in the game was persuaded to cross the river and watch two experts playing. After a time he became interested, and requested permission to have " a shot." The request was acceded to, as also was a second and third. By this time the despiser of golf had become thoroughly interested, and although a light shower had begun to fall, he still continued to play. The light shower gave place to a heavy one, but in no way affected the new-born enthusiasm of the one-time despiser of golf. But worse things were in store, for the rain gave place to a pelting shower of hail, which drove the old players to cover. The new player, however, continued unconscious of the warring elements, and not until he had completed the round and looked as if he had just been rescued from the flooded Buller river, did he relinquish with an apologetic smile the borrowed club.

A rather painful true story comes to the Lance from a centre which shall be nameless. When paying an official call at the gaol a certain visiting justice, while inspecting, and inquiring for any complaints, was visibly embarrassed on encountering on the woman's side an old sweetheart whom he had jilted long years ago. The recognition was mutual, and the unfortunate woman hurried away. But what a meeting ! • * • Gossip concerning the Duke of> York is quite topical nowadays for colonials, who have begun to read up on the subject of " the Duke." The Duke is acknowledged to be the best rifle shot in the English Eoyal Family. When, Prince George of Wales be took part in the record kill at. Sandringham on the occasion of the coming of age of his brother, the Duke of Clarence (whom Princess May, now Duchess of York, was engaged to marry). The party at the big shoot also included the Dukes of Edinburgh and Cambridge, the Prince of Wales, and Prince Christian. In three days the slaughter amounted to 5895 head, of which 2567 were pheasants. • • • The business of a male fortune teller out Kaiwarra way is fairly booming amongst the ladies because of several remarkable predictions he is alleged to have made. In one case, it is said, a girl who consulted him was to have been married a week later. He told her she was engaged to a fair young man, but she would never be wedded to him. Two days later, she got a letter from the youth, breaking off the engagement, and saying he was about to marry another girl. He told another woman she would get bad news about her friends by telegram that night, and sure enough a message came in the evening saying her father in Auckland was dangerously ill. » # • Assisting Chinese through their Court troubles is a paying operation for the lawyers. Some time ago a party of thirty Celestials were captured during a raid. When brought before the magistrate next morning a smart young member of the Devil's Own whipped round amorg. the Ah Truts, the Ah Lis, Chump Mong», etc., and said he would appear for them at a guinea per head. One said "Al li' I" and the rest chatted acquiesence. When the case was stated the lawyer found there was a clear case against his clients, and advised them all to plead guilty. Again they said "Al li' 1" They got off with a light fine, and the smart young advocate said he would fix things up for them and save them further trouble for another guinea per head. " Al' li' I" again, and the Celestials filed out chattering happily. So far as the lawyer was concerned, that case occupied only 30 minutes — two guineas per minute.

A bevy of Wellington girls were discussing that all-absorbing subject, " The Duke." " What position is the Duke of York in the Empire?" naked one of the girls. '• Why, he's the third gentleman in the land," Was the reply. "Oh! Who's the first?" "The Queen, of course 1" was the quickly-given answer, and not one of the party noticed it.

He was a friend of the family, and though she was not smitten with him, she had been persuaded to give him her photograph. 'He was enamoured of it, and made the remark : " Some day, with your permission, I shall plead for the possession of the lovely original. bhe replied: "Then I shall give you the negative."

It is now suggested that if Parliament in 1901 is opened by the Duke of York there will be an irresistible claim on the part of members for an increased honorarium. Why ? On the occasion of the opening, every member will have to appear either in uniform or in evening dress. ' It ' is absurd to think that any member can be expected to go to the ex. pense of a full-dress suit on a beggarly j;280 for three months, or even, as proposed by the Premier, JG3OO. * • • A young. man of good prospects who visited Christchurch and went through the ■Cup and Show festivities, having a wild and woolly time of it, is now repenting at leisure. It appears that being flush in pocket, meeting a great many friends, and -possessing an unwholesome thirst, he was in a semi-whiskified condition moßt of his time, and one morning he woke up to find that he had been married the previous afternoon. He had never met his un•couth, auburn-headed bride before, and has no recollection of the ceremony. Bushing off to Wellington, he put the whole matter in the hands of a legal firm, and there it at present stands. * * * Two Wellington clerks, well known in social and commercial circles, are at present seriously ill, and according to their medical advisers their bad state has been brought about primarily through overwork. The night-work curse is rampant in this city, and the way unfortunate employees are slaved is nothing short of scandalous. Heads of firms and bank managers say that if clerks did their •work properly in the daytime, there would "be no occasion for them to return in the evening, but that is nonsense. One employer candidly told the writer recently that his men worked doubly hard at night than day— they were in such a hurry to get away that they rushed the work through post haste. » • * A popular impression seems to exist that the initiation rites of the Masonic fraternity are of a somewhat painful and terrible character. Down Brunner way the Masonic Hall is close to the police station, and t'other night an individual who had been partaking of innumerable *' modest quenchers " for a fortnight previously, and who was enjoying " D.T.s," was arrested and lodged in lock-up. His loud yells and irrational talk attracted the attention of two passing ladies. A Masonic meeting was on at the time, and one terrified female asked of her companion what the row was. "Oh, that's nothing," was the calm reply, " they're just making Masons, that's all ! "

Two Mormon elders are at present seeking converts in Masterfcon. But seeing that the Masterton girls are mostly pretty, and can generally manage to secure a whole husband to themselves, they are not likely to be content with a sixth or eighth share in a Mormon elder, however prepossessing he may be.

It was his first day at the Terrace School; and the teacher patted him on thfe head and said : " Well, my little man, what standard am I to put you into?" " If you please, sir," said the wee chap, earnestly, " put me in the Sixth Standard, for I want to get through qui«k»" • # * Have you ever seen a corpulent Bascar employed on any vessel trading to this colony? The writer never has. These sable seamen are invariably of the wiry sort, and boast of just about as much' flesh as would decently cover a skeleton. Rather a good joke went round' the wharf at Timaru one day last week. The Lascars engaged on one of the vessels in port — except one — were permitted to step off and take a stroll on the wharf. The captain absolutely refused to let the man objected to go, for fear he should disappear in one of the cracks between the planks. • # # A nondescript person up north, who is continually eating hominy at Government expense, alighted on a new money-making idea lately. Sleeping in the back premises of a swell" hotel, by kind permission of the rouseabout, he entered the building first thing next morning, swept all the visitors' and boarders' footwear into a sack, and stepped out for another locality. There was one long howl of profanity later on. The landlord had perforce to buy new boots for those of his patrons who hadn't a second pair by them, and a wild-eyed policeman ran the travelling leather merchant to earth. The result is that he is once again enjoying his favourite dish in Her' Majesty.'s prison. '• * • This takes the cake. Some time back there was a good deal of talk in an Australian capital occasioned by the elopement of the wife of a prominent business man with her husband's bosom friend. To the surprise of all who knew him, the wronged husband took no steps to deal with the woman who had disappeared, or the man who had deceived him. Learning a few months back, quite by accident, where the guilty couple were living, the grass widower sat down and wrote a cheerful and friendly letter to his missing friend, and in due time the missive reached the guilty man, who rea a ;— « Dear old , I just learned your whereabouts, and could not rest until I had written to thank you warmly for this proof of your great friendship! — Yours very truly, ." This answer came by return : " Don't mention it, my dear fellow, but had I known as much as I know now, I don't think I would have done it even for you."

Ashursfr has- tKe.rfiputatiomdFof.B«ifig i onW of the canniest places in the NdrjknVlsMtadi} in regax& to money matters. r Wh?9> $»• \ donation box at the- local liDr*%»jT(f»»i opened the other evening, the contents j were ascertained to be it— One sixpence, > one halfpenny, one hairpin, a safety pin, two lollies, and" part of a JTew's harp ! • • - r •" The . Wairarapa Daily is- gl«d that ! some of our Ministers are going to tne ; inauguration of the Commonwealth. " Noone can say," it adds, " that the members of the New Zealand Government are not what Artemus Ward used- to call 'lively cusses.' As a Christy Minstrel troupe, they would be unrivalled — but even as a Maori variety show they will be interesting." • • • Everyone has heard about the incendiary rat. Here is a queer story of the' thief rat: — Court's Hotel, Battray-street, Dunedin, recently changed hands, and the' new tenant immediately proceeded to make building alterations. When the old' till of the bar counter was removed, and the dado lining pulled down, the recess 1 was found to contain a big heap of what appeared to be waste paper, but which I,'1 ,' upon investigation, proved to be banknotes which had been chewed up into" fragments by rats. It is reckoned that this pile represented hundreds of pounds. Only one note was recovered in a whole condition, and that was one issued by the Commercial Bank, bearing date of 1865. It is about thirty years since this bank closed its doors, so the rats must have been systematically stealing for a great many years. • • • It occurred in Chrisfcchurch during the festivities. A stylishly-attired individual of gentlemanly manners was successful in* ingratiating himself with some of the " upper ten," intimating that he was a Melbournean and a tourist. In this statement he was strictly accurate. Introduction followed introduction, and he speedily had the run of half-a-dozen fashionable houses. Entranced by her witchery at the piano, the amiable stranger paid particular attention to one young lady who • reciprocated, and they became engaged — subject to papa's consent. Next afternoon he accompanied her on a shopping expedition, the outcome being serious trouble in the girl's home that night. It appeared that the police authorities had been watching the movements of the gay gallant with undisguised interest, and on , seeing him out with " his bride to be," immediately communicated to her father the extremely annoying intelligence that the fellow was a notorious Melbourne pickpocket.