ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE.

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 14, 6 October 1900, Page 3

ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE.

AGENT-GENERAL Eeeves and his wife have recently been enjoying themselves by taking a cycling tour through Devonshire. W.P. doesn't seem o play cricket nowadays. His two hobbies-are wheeling and book-collecting. Wonder, by the way, if he still owns the run up North, which as noimnaUy the Soperty of his brother-in-law. W.P. used to poke fun at the squatters as being « social pests," but he was a partner in that run, nevertheless. • * • A well-known local Presbyterian, a lawyer, and, in his own way, a bit of a pedant, was away from town, and sent a wire intimating that he would be late in returning. As there was room for another word under J. G. Ward's favour to sixpennyworth, he added " sederunt, ' which was meant to imply that he was detained at a long meeting. The message received by his wife was, " Shall not be home until ten train. Still drunk." Fact I Archbishop Redwood is a fine preacher, but he wore out the patience of his congregation at the opening service at St. Mary's Cathedral in Sydney. The good man actually held forth for nearly an hour and a'half. They do say that when he had been going about three-quarters of an hour and the faithful were more than satisfied with his eloquence, he blandly said, " And now, dear brethren, let us take a glance at the history of the nineteenth century !" * v * By the way, the sentiments which got the Archbishop into hot water with the Protestants, and which he excised from the sermon but not from the M.b.b. handed to the press, were as follows :— " Both Greek schism and Protestantism have rather obstructed than promoted true civilisation. The first has brought despotism upon the East, the second covered Europe with blood and ruins in the sixteenth century, and has ever since been the helper and instrument of the worst foes of Christianity. It desecrated the home, it polluted the nuptial bed, it lowered the dignity of womanhood, it devastated the school and stopped the progress of science." No wonder there was a big kick in the Press. The only wonder is that a gentleman generally and, as we believe, rightfully, as a rule, reputed to be a very liberal-minded man, ever wrote such rubbish. • * * A schoolmaster in South Canterbury district has had a hard fight with his Board to retain use of an old stable at the rear of his school. The Board wanted to utilise it as an extra class-room (I) and the teacher, while almost doubting their sanity (although he didn't say so), pointed out that the building, which smelt disagreeably, was unhealthy, and only fit for the housing of a horse. As the settler who presented the stable said he gave it purposely as a horse mansion and nothing else, the all -wise Board decided to spend a few pounds on a class-room. But the idea of stabling youngsters as proposed! It's a wonder the Board did not commandeer the teacher's fowlhouse while they were in such an economical mood.

A couple of weeks ago a young man named A. Bird was ordered at Wellington Magistrate's Court to pay 3s a week towards the support of his aged father. Three miserable shillings a week ! Think of it. Heaven help the old Bird that, in his feeble days, is compelled to lean on such a fledgling. The Post is to be congratulated upon the acquisition of Mr F. K. Reeves to their literary staff. In Reeves the Times loses a first-class all-round reporter, and the Post gains a commensurate advantage. Fred is very popular among his confreres of the pen, and enjoys their very best wishes. # * • Up at New Plymouth, Donald Macdonald was waited upon at his hotel by a youth of some eight summers, who claimed relationship. His name, upon enquiry, proved to be Conroy 1 " Then, where's the relationship?" "Oh, me mother's name was McDonnell, and she thought you might come from the same place." He got his pass t Mr A. B. Paterson ("The Banjo"), author of " The Man From Snowy River," and late war correspondent, has commenced to follow in the footsteps of the successful Macdonald. It is questionable whether " The Banjo " will be a success. As writer, poet, and polo player he has few equals in Australia, but he has an innate modesty which, unless' the rough and tumble of camp life has knocked it out of him, will prove a stumbling block on the rostrum Anyhow, "Banjo," by judicious criticism on the soldiers of New Zealand, is paving the way for a brilliant reception when he crosses to this side. Biz, my boy ! And if not, why not ? It was most refreshing to read " Jack The Rigger " on the Premier in the debate on the Industrial Schools' Bill. Jack let himself go with a vengeance. The dramatic dropping of chains on the floor of the House reminds one of Edmund Burke and the dagger incident in the House of Commons. The most astonishing feature of the onslaught was that it produced practically no reply from Fighting Dick. Perhaps our Privy Councillor was for once in his life linguistically paralysed by the epithets hurled at him by the Member for Wellington. Mr Hutcheson's swppresio veri and suggestio falsi must have been hard nuts for the Right Honourable to crack, and when he called Mr Seddon " the slave of denominationalism," poor Richard must have felt even his repertoire was insufficient and inadequate to cope with the magnificent epithets hurled at him by the gentleman he so recently treated with contumely. Mr Graham, M.H.R., ought to explain how he got to know the alleged fact that certain members of the Victoria College Council were rung up by others who wanted to shelve the meeting called by Messrs Blair and Graham on the College site question. There has been a leakage somewhere. The reason, we hear, why certain members of the Council did not attend, was because they objected to Messrs Blair and Graham calling a meeting to discuss the site question until the petitions which had been sent out all over the University district had been presented to the House. Also, there was nothing on the notice paper to indicate the actual move to be suggested, and reckoning that Mr Graham is merely a Seddonian speaking trumpet on the Council, the Mount Cook site friends came to the conclusion that it was better to wait until the next monthly meeting. The dodge to strengthen the Premier's hands in his obstinate opposition to the wishes of Wellington was just a trifle too thin.

Cunning E. S. Smythe is artfully working the cables to puff " Banjo " Pattersons war lectures. Of course it's the showman's game all over, to get bits out of Banjo's lectures wired over to New Zealand at the expense of the newspaper proprietors, but the latter forget that in the way of advertising Smythe is " Close, close, close, oh, very close indeed." All the same, Banjo will be welcome when he comes, especially as he saw so much of the work done by " our boys." * • » They are still digging up relatives jn remote parts for Premier Seddon. The latest is a long lost brother, who has been found in South Africa. Let Trooper James McLean, of Okararaio, Marl- , borough, "who went out with "the Fifth Contingent, tell the story. He says: — "We met an old miner here, dressed just in the rough and ready style of the New Zealand diggers. He told us his name was Seddon, and he claims to be a brother of the Right Hon. E. J. Seddon, of New Zealand." The story may be true, but, so far, there doesn't appear to be any news from Lieutenant Jack on the subject. • • * The Wellington tradespeople will rejoice at the good news that the Duke and Duchess of York are to visit New Zealand, for there are bound to be balls and festivities innumerable which will tempt the fair sex to go in for dressy splendours. Government House is to do the thing in grand style. Lady Eanfurly will leave for London very soon, and it is understood that she will brmg out a host of new servants, new carriages and much gorgeous upholstery. A good deal of money should be circulated by the local upper ten, and there ought to be a mild boom in the hotel and restaurant business, for country visitors are sure to pour in by the thousands. * * • John Eoberts gets, it is said, the nice little retainer of JE7OO a year from the manufacturers of the Bonzoline balls which he always insists upon using. They are heavier and "deader" than ivory balls', and are not much liked by local players who have used them in the Eoberts games. Eoberts's next trip round the colonies will be engineered by Alcoekjs, the big Melbourne firm of billiardtable makers. It will commence early next year. Eoberts's only son doesn't care a rap about the game at which ' dad is such a don.' His ambition is to be a soldier. There's more money and an easier life in professional billiards. * • * A certain New Zealand University possesses a professor of natural science who has a quiet but very effective wit of his own. In one of his lectures recently he was discussing the process of fertilising plants by means of insects carrying pollen from one plant to another, and told his pupils, after Darwin, that o d maids were the alternate cause of it all. The bumble bees carry the pollen, the field mice eat the bumble bees. Therefore, the more field mice, the fewer bumble bees, and the less pollen and variation in plants. But cats devour field mice, and old maids protect cats. Wherefore, the more old maids, the more cats, the fewer field mice, the more bees. Hence old maids are the cause of it all. Thereupon, an enquiring student, with an eye-glass, his trousers done up in the " still raining in London " style, arose and asked, " I s — a — y, professah, what is the cause ah, of old maids, don't you know ?" " The present breed of young men," replied the professor sharply, and without a moment's hesitation. There was silence in the room for the space of thirty seconds, after which the lecture was resumed.

Religious mania is said to be the most dangerous form of inadnesfs. Up at Halcombe the other day, a poor fellow who was suffering from this kind of mania actually chewed his tongue into a pulp before he could be taken in hand by the doctors and sent down to Porirua. • . • * What between the Premier and Sam. Brown there was a good deal ot speechifying at the Industrial Association's dinner. Sam has often had a growl at the Premier about his labour legislation but he has the nack of giving hard raps without leavinga sting, and no one likes, at heart, or admires a good fighter more than Eichard the Great. Davy Robertsons broad Doric covers a lot of good hard horsesense and he scored Off the Premier by saying that if Mr Seddon had a foundry he would no more agree with extravagant labour legislation than the bulk of employers do. And Richard smole a quiet smile. • # * A jaunty civil' servant at the ''buildings " was astonished on receiving a visit from a ferocious-looking, person in moleskins " on very important business " one day recently. And he was still more astonished on getting it straight from the shoulder on one of bis eyes, accompanied by a torrent of language that brought out all the other clerks in the immediate vicinity to the corridor. When things sorted themselves out, it appeared that the infuriated individual was an angry parent, and was accusing the other of behaving wrongly towards his daughter, an accusation which was strenuously denied. It transpired subsequently that the pen-driver was not the base deceiver he was pictured. The father of the girl had made a mistake in his man. Another of the same name was the person sought, and he no doubt heard about the little matter in due course. Profuse apologies were tendered the injured individual, who intended charging his aggressor with assault and battery, but he decided after consideration to let the matter drop. • • • Two old established and deservedly popular country papers up the West Coast of this island are going in for improved machinery. The Feilding Star proprietary is importing a big new machine, and the ? Martin Advocate has just got a new four feeder, capable of printing 6000 copies an hour. The Star and the Advocate are particularly well conducted newspapers, and we congratulate their respective proprietors —Messrs Kirton and Curtis, and Mr W. Smith— upon their enterprise. • * * An impudent system of swindling has been practised during the past fortnight by a very respectably-dressed, middleaged woman, whose operations have been mainly carried on in the Wellington Terrace quarter. She would appear at one house and claim to have been sent by the housekeeper or the cook, or, in some instances, the mistress, from an adjacent house, requesting the loan of a sum varying from 10s to. in one case, as high as £4. Her impudence was such that she went to one house, claimingto have been sent for a loan by the housekeeper at a well-known doctor's, and got JEI. Then she coolly crossed over the street to the doctor's and victimised his housekeeper for another fifteen shillings. Eventually she called upon a lady who, a minute or so after the visitor hai got ±•2 on the plea that she had been sent by a neighbour, became tardily suspicious. Rushing out of her house she saw the visitor going towards the top of Boulcott Street, in the opposite direction to which she should have gone. She called out to her, and the swindler turned round and then made off at a record-breaking pace down the Boulcott Street steps. Householders should be on their guard.

Our Agent-General has been reading a 3>aper before the British Association on 44 Colonial Governments as Money Lenders." If his subject had been 41 Colonial Governments as Money Borrowers," he would have better pleased his audience, for many Britishers are interested in colonial loans — from Britishers. However, W.P. had a real .good case so far as New Zealand's Statelending policy is concerned. Considering the enormous amount lent, the loss in •defaulted interest is marvellously small. If we were only sure about some of the -securities ! • • # ' Mr Scholefield, the- junior reporter on the New Zealand Times, who has been ■doing senior work for months past, is a member of an old family which has played its part in English political life. Greatgrandfather and Grandfather Scholefield sat in the House of Commons for the City of Birmingham, the seat occupied nowadays by the great Joe Chamberlain. Scholefield, junior (of Wellington), is secretary of the local branch of the Journalists' Institute, and lias not inherited the family ■taste for politics. • * # An article in the August number of the Cosmopolitan entitled " Some Notable Murder Cases," recalls the part placed by New Zealand's Commissioner of Police (Mr Tun bridge) in closing the career of a human brute, Dr Neill Cream. The -doctor was one of the most interesting studies in criminology that Scotland Yard -had to deal with, and he set the police of •Canada, Chicago and London problems which puzzled the brains of the smartest detectives for long enough. Cream was •an expert toxicologist, and developed a mania for piocfising the art upon unfortunate women of the slums of the cities in which he happened to reside. Sen--tenced to imprisonment for life in Chicago in 1881, lie shammed the symptoms of .galloping consumption, and in 1891 was pardoned for the purpose of" going home to die." He fomid, on coming out of gaol, that his father had left him a fortune of .£3200, and with this he returned to London. In tlie Great Metropolis he began his old tricks, deliberately planning and carrying •out the poisoning of women of the street. • • ■ • The mysterious work of the satyr London just as did that of " Jack the Bipper " (another form of the same motive power, satyriasis) later on. Undetected, Cream went back to Canada, was •suspected of a case there, and rushed back to London — and to Tunbridge. For on •Cream's beginning his second crusade in London, Tunbridge was assigned to the •enquiry, and after haunting the slums, and getting" some of Cream's" letters, Jnspector Tunbridge located his man. A peculiarity of the poisorier was the manner in which he " gave himself away." Every time one of his victims died in a hospital he exclaimed to some acquaintance, " She didn't kill herself— she was poisoned, and I know who did it." "Yes," replied Tunbridge, when he arrested Cream, 44 and I'm going to see you swing for it 1 " Tunbridge was present at the hanging, which took place on - 15th November, 1892, and in our Commissioner's room in •Government Buildings he keeps a photograph of Cream on the mantlepiece, and -alongside is the photograph of another great criminal of another type whom he Arrested — Jabez Balfour, the robber of the -widow and orphan. • » * Mr John Stevens is not so well up in Imperial politics as the Royal Richard. He tabled a question this week asking the Premier to ascertain by cable message from Mr Chamberlain, the Premier ■of England, &c, &c. • w * It is not often that a parliamentary excursion furnishes a change in the pulpit •occupancy of a church, but the Napier trip last Saturday was an exception. Mr George Fowlds,' M.H.R., for Auckland •City taking both the morning and evening services at the Napier Congregational Church last Sunday. Mr Fowlds is not -a good preacher, but is proving himself an able politician. He is one of the most .generally respected of the new members. • • * Shortly after his return from South African hospitals Corporal Hadfield gave the press an interesting account of his experiences, and specially eulogised the work of a New Zealand nurse, Miss Rowley. It was at first surmised that the lady, who waß trained in the Wellington Hospital, was one of the Rowley's of Timam. Information now comes from the South to the effect that Nurse E. M. Rowley is the eldest daughter of Mr J. €. Rowley, of Avondale Station, Southland, and therefore is the granddaughter of the late Archdeacon Mathias, of €hristchurch. From Wellington Hospital, Nurse Rowley went to London five .years ago, and in February last she was sent to the front by Princess Christian.