THE BOARDER'S PARADISE. Its Name Is Legion.

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 10, 8 September 1900, Page 9

THE BOARDER'S PARADISE. Its Name Is Legion.

FOR THE FREE LANCE. I know a sweet hash palace, and It's not so far away, Whose charms and great attractions have Inspired this little lay. No Grand, no Metropole excels The comfort it affords, And yet they're rather mixed, because Its beds are like its boards. This palace, swayed by balmy breeze, Is always on a rock; The lavatories and the drains The nuisance-man would mock ; The furniture, pre-Adamite, Remains %n statue quo ; The bath reminds you there's no need To Bot-a-mer to go. To say the coffee's quite Al, I'm sure no grounds you'll lack ; And cocoa ! Well, they coke a fire When coal is getting slack. The breakfast tannic-acid broth Will suit you to a T, To soup it's quite soup-erior, Although spelt with a pea. The milk— l beg you'll chalk it up— Don't come from a nikau ; You could not beet the sugar if You caned it anyhow ; The so-called butter makes you think That it has " played the goat " ; The jam from de X will preserve Your stomach's overcoat. The loaves are meet for loafers' use, But not for working males, For aught well-bred you don't find where Democracy prevails ; And then the cake is like hard-bake, The scones are fearful things — Descended from the stone whereon Were crowned the Scottish kings. And then the meat ! A " Barber's " pole, Or engine out of '" Gear," Would be much more digestible — So cheap, yet doubly dear ! The chops and steaks, or chips and slabs, Each savoury mouthful lies Beneath your breast bone fighting with Slop puddings and tough pies. The entrees, as they re-appear, Have names of varied sorts ; The curry's made of curry combs, With chippings of hard quartz ; The eggs, when boiled, are handy for A Rugby football game ; The mustard's mud, the pepper's like The ghost of " Pepper " fame. But why say more ? Come, one and all, The doors are open wide ; The outside doesn't count for much, But think of what's mside ! Where is this sweet hash palace, where ? Why every detail shows — You only have to use ,}our eyes And follow up your nose.

New Zealand's athletes at the front In cricket, football, or the hunt ; He shines in any sport or game, His prowess has a woild-wide fame. But training has its usual ills, As over heat that causes chills ; Then don't delay, but health secure, By taking Woods' Great Peppermint Cm c. — Advt.