"GROCERY ORDERS,” AND “TAKING THE BENEFIT.”

New Zealand Colonist and Port Nicholson Advertiser, Volume I, Issue 59, 21 February 1843, Page 4

"GROCERY ORDERS,” AND “TAKING THE BENEFIT.”

By Uncle Sam.

The value of “hard Jackson money,” or cash, in New York State and Pennsylvania, particularly in the latter, is somewhat very ludicrous. A respectable tradesman will not hesitate to confess that he is minus a dollar, but then he adds—“l have a considerable of grocery orders —memoranda of credit on various stores. These orders are very troublesome to a stranger. They constitute a species of barter, without the fairness belonging to a real exchange of commodities. The first order I received was on a hat store, and not being aware of the usual plan of proceeding, I exhibited my seven-dollar order previous to purchasing a hat, and obtained a very bad one, besides, I have no doubt, being laughed at “ for being so slow.” My second order was on a shoe store, and I was scarcely less unfortunate. Thinking to drive my bargain before 1 produced the order in payment, I lowered the price of a pair of boots at least a dollar, according to the established custom, but did not take notice that the merchant made use of the word cash, of which he reminded me when I offered the order, and our bargain was at an end. Cash, he said, was so valuable, that he must have at least half a dollar more for the boots, if he took the order, and, accordingly, I had to pay the difference; but as I complained of this arrangement, he civily observed, that he would give me a piece of advice worth more than the balance—namely, always to buy boots and shoes wholesale, a quarter of a dozen at a time.

When citizens who are insolvents release themselves by law from their debts, they are said to “ take the benefit”—a very simple matter, as they have only to give a short notice, and swear they are not worth anything beyond clothing, necessary furniture, and the instruments of their trade. Persons sometimes take the benefit without shutting up their stores. Clerks take the benefit at the moment of getting into a good situation, or obtaining an increase of salary, and the commissioners of the Insolvent Court make no arrangement for any future payment. Some take the benefit for a hundred dollars, ‘although in receipt of a thousand a year. All classes take the benefit, and but comparatively few are ashamed of it; the senator who introduced the law into one of the State legislatures took the benefit —of his own act! These explanatory remarks on “ grocery orders” and “taking the benefit” are necessary to elucidate the following anecdotes. A bos (master) jeweller trusted a young man, a clerk in Philadelphia, with goods destined to be a present to his future wife. The young man married, and then took the benefit, and the jeweller had to pay for the goods which he had only obtained on credit. He, however, went to an attorney (Philadelphia lawyers are famous all over the States), and was advised to proceed against the young man, on the ground that his wife still held the goods. The attorney took the case into court, but failed in the suit, and sent in a bill for two hundred dollars to the jeweller, who then took the benefit to pay the attorney ! This was certainly puzzling a Philadelphia lawyer with a vengeance. The next anecdote on this subject is of love, and might be introduced into an American farce with some effect. A young man, an artist and engraver, of Philadelphia, was deeply enamoured of a beautiful girl who was an indented apprentice of her uncle, a very stern bos, who wished her to marry an old Virginian, to whom he was under some obligation. The lover tried in vain to obtain the uncle’s consent to the marriage, without a stipulated payment of two hundred dollars for the remaining term of the "lady’s” apprenticeship. He would readily have paid the sum, but his inamorata refused her assent to it, observing that he should never have to say he purchased her; she was determined not to be sold, although she confessed it was very hard—truly heartrending-—to remain any longer in single wretchedness. What was then to be done in such an extremity ? Young Jonathan schemed a plan very readily, and immediately put it in practice. He went to the bos uncle: — “ Is the bos within ?” “You see me, I expect.” “Well now, once for all, how much will you take to let Miss Clementina off right away ?” “Two hundred dollars, hard Jackson, and no grocery orders.” “ I guess I’ll give you a hundred.” “ No ; don’t want to part with her.” “ Take a hundred and fifty, dead on the nail, and safe as a hiccory pole, two hours after the w’edding.” “ No; it don’t convene.” “Give you one hundred and seventy, no ways slow.” “ I’ll take two hundred to stir me, and they can hardly .” “ Well, darn it, you’re too hard ; but I want the young lady at once, to keep house, and so you shall have the two hundred.” The agreement was made, and the / young couple married; .but the Jackson money was not forthcoming according to. promise, arid the; artist took the benefit, thus obtaining his wife without buying her, or, at least, without paying "for her, while the bos. uncle was swindled out

of two hundred dollars, and the old Virginian disappointed of a blooming bride of seventeen. “ Taking the benefit” in one State does not exonerate the party from his debts' in any of the other States ; he must go through the processin every State where his creditors live, or he is not free from arrest; and it requires a residence of six months as a freeman, or of three months as a prisoner, before any one can take the benefit in some of the States. If we suppose the case of an insolvent who owes money in all the twenty-four States of the union, and who has to travel through them, and if we take the incarceration for an insolvent stranger to be three months in each State, this will give an imprisonment of six years previous to an independent citizen, “in a state of indebtedness,” becoming perfectly free to travel. This is an extreme case, of course; but the imprisonment of New Yorkers in the States of New Jersey and Pennsylvania is of frequent occurrence. There are hundreds of insolvents in New York, who dare not cross the North River into New Jersey (except on Sundays), through fear of being arrested, and having to take the benefit a second time ! This is an example of the disadvantages (of which there are many) arising from the union of “free, sovereign, and independent States.”

I was taking breakfast one Monday morning at an hotel in Jersey city, when I heard two individuals conversing on the subject of a Mr. Maddison Oppenheit, of New Jersey, having “gone considerably ahead” of a Mr. Skalder, of New York. It appeared the Jerseyman had met the Yorker in the charming sylvan walks of the Elysian fields, on the bank of the noble Hudson, New Jersey, tasting a spring of remarkably pure water, which gushes out of a rock into an artificial basin lately constructed; and in the course of conversation, the Yorker informed the Jerseyman that he had taken the benefit in York State —a little piece of legality, which threatened to cost his old friend, the Jerseyman, a certain number of dollars and cents. Cool and calculating was the Jerseyman, when he invited his friend to take certain slings (spirits and water) at the nearest hotel. His object in so doing was to see if any possibility existed of recovering any dividend on his debt; but before the last boat left the Hoboken slip for the New York Quay, he found the slings were making rapid inroads on the nervous system of his friend, and he then considered it a duty he owed his own family to make the Yorker so intoxicated as to be unable to leave New Jersey that night;, the consequence of which would be, that the next morning he would become an easy prey to the harpies of the law, who, at the Jerseyman’s requisition, would pounce upon him (with all the gravity of the Commonwealth, and the full power of the “ squire”* to help it on), and compel him either to pay his debt or take the benefit a second time. When the Yorker was quite “up Salt River”—decidedly intoxicated—he went to sleep “ for a space,” and the Jerseyman abstracted certain papers from his pocket, passing current under the general term of grocery orders—to wit, one order on a hat store, ditto on a hardware merchant, ditto on a shoe importer, ditto on a china ditto, ditto on a toy merchant, ditto on the “ Lady Jackson” omnibus, a first-rate republican conveyance; and ditto on an ice company, besides three (comic, and not grocery) oi'ders for the boxes of the Franklin Theatre. These orders, after a memoranda had been taken of them, were carefully deposited in the Yorker’s pocket, and the Jerseyman, whistling—

“A Yankee boy is slim andtall, and seldom over fat, sir,” retired to rest, with a full determination to “ gro ahead” of the Yorker the next morning. “ It takes me,” said he, muttering to himself, “ to do a thing of this kind in a scientific manner, and I can hardly.” The next morning, after breakfast, the Jerseyman went “ right ahead clean past the bows, of the Yorker, in the following style : “As—l’m—a—living man, you don’t clear out.” “ I swear I’ve took the benefit.” “ But not in this State; you’ve taken it in York State, but you can’t make this Jersey city into a spoke of Machattanf Island ; there’s the North River between them, and Hudson will divide New Jersey for ever from the Yorker’s stony location. Think of that, and see how my flint’s fixed. I have you at a short distance, with a sure aim; and as—l’m—a—living man, you sha’n’t clear until the account -between us is as clean scooped out as a whistle, whittled ever so fine.”

“ I swear this is too bad. Why, you wouldn’t have me take' the benefit twice over, would you ?” | “On no account, no way. You’ve taken the York benefit, and now pay me my Jerseyi debt. Come, down with it—either the harcj Jackson, or a check; but if it’s a check, very particular how you draw it. See that you punctuate it so that the cashier can read assets J

—— j * Each ward of a town or city has a stipendary ma-j gistrate, called the “ Squire,” who sits at a small desk in a small office, arid without' any coadjutor, gives v.er-j diets On civil actions, 1 and even issues warrants ; fbr imprisonment, in defaultof instant bail, i ; for a pecuniary debt. 1 t The island op which the city of New York is builti The term “ island” is barely appropriate, as it is only a broiid rivulet that site to it. *

If lie can’t see that plain, you’ll find yourself as .difficult to move as a ton of brick mixed up withj mortar. What do you say now, you are on the .floor ? Shall I write you a receipt or introduce you to the squire ?” “ I swear—-” “ No, you don’t I’ye known you fifteen years, and you never swear, but are always saying you do sol Leave it off; it ain’t true.” “ Keep your advice in store till there’s a demand for it. I swear I’ve neither cash in hand nor shin plasters* in bank. If you find me State lodgings you’ll not get a cent, for I’m H. U. H. J.” “ Are you ? Howoo ?” “ Hard up for hard Jackson.” “ Well then, mister, I’ll just trouble you to walk to the Squire. He’ll give me an order to take the change out in prisoning you; and when you are prisoned, you can amuse yourself all day with an immortal longing after the outside, and a confused idea of wishing to see universal nature generally.” “ You’re only trying this on now, ain’t you ? You wouldn’t prison an old friend because he got up Salt River with you in the Elysian fields ? And I swear you made me row up on purpose. Come now, let me off, and I’ll give you a grocery order for a hat.” “ Look here, mister. I estimate you have more than a majority of orders to pay my debt ? and I’ll take them in exchange for a receipt. But I’ll have my choice, or it’s no reckoning. I can calculate your orders without seeing them. Give me an order on a hat store, another on a hardware merchant, and one on a shoe importer. Let’s see, said Pug ! Why, I guess my old woman wants some queen’s-ware ; so give me a middling-sized order on a China importer,—and a small one on a toy merchant, —and a leetle one on the “ Lady Jackson” omnibus, —three box orders for some genooin good comedian's benefit, —and a small one on an ice company ; but this must be a very leetle one, —only as large almost as the fine end of nothing whittled down to a point.” " Why, that’s every order I have. I swear you must have known it.”

“ Yes, setting on a rail, very fast asleep. Out with them! and if you’re loafing my way, —Third Avenue, corner of Liberty and Locofoco, —step in for a sling, will you ? I’ll keep it cool with the change out of thi* ice order. As—l’m—a—living—man, this beats Bunker’s Hill! The very identical, particular, individual orders I calculated upon !” “ I swear this is almost as confounded a smash, as beating a pumpkin squash with a ten-pin bowl. Give me a chance, and then see how I’ll walk round you for this. You estimate, I’m flummuxed ; but I swear I’ll substaquilate you some when the day is hot enough for it!” How Men should treat Women. A Persian poet gives the following instruction upon this important point:—“ When thou art married, seek to please thy wife ; but listen not to all she says. From man’s right side a rib was taken to form the woman, and never was there seen a rib quite straight. And wouldst thou straighten it ? It breaks, but bends not. Since then, it is plain that crooked is woman’s temper, forgive her faults, and blame her not! nor let her anger thee, nor coercion use, as all is vain to straighten what is curved.”

Fungi in the Human Head. —lf we are to credit some microscopical observers, not only are all kinds of fermentation the mere phenomena of growth in minute fungi, but such plants are the cause of appearances in which they would be least expected. A. M. Gruby has lately announced his discovery, that the disease in the human head, called tinea capitris or ringworm, is produced by a parasitical fungus, composed of cylindrical branching threads, made up of oblong joints, arranged like the beads in a necklace. This author considers that this plant belongs, beyond all doubt, to the fungi, called by botanists mycoderms. He also assures us that he has found, in another disease of the skin, a second sort of mycoderm, quite distinct from the first. Encroachments of the Sea. —lt is well known that there have been extensive and-ex-traordinary encroachments of the sea, washing away the Suffolk coast, and if they continue Heaven knows what will become of this snug little island. In this month’s number of the Philosophical Magazine there is an account of further inroads of Old Neptune in this quarter. A letter was read before the Geological Society, from Captain Alexander, F.G.S., “ On the annual destruction of land at Easton Bavenfc Cliff, near Southwold, on the Suffolk coast.; From careful observations made during, the last five years, Captain Alexander states it to be his opinion that the local representations of “>350 yards in breadth having been destroyed (or walked away by the action of the sea) at Eastern Cliff in about 35 years, are not much overrated, as, during that,,period, a nearly square field, containing acres, has been entirely removed by the sea, and only three acres res maining ot another whioh consisted of j This; ratio of loss, he adds, has extended along! the whole raqge of the Cliff. According to; Captain Alexander’s observations, there; has : been an annual loss of seven yards in breadth.

* Bank-notes.