A SCENE IN AN IRISH ASSIZE COURT. (From the "Minister News")

New Zealander, Volume 8, Issue 671, 18 September 1852, Page 4

A SCENE IN AN IRISH ASSIZE COURT. (From the " Minister News ")

The love of fun js, as everybody knows, inherent in the Irishman, nnd he rarely allows an opportunity for its indulgence to escape. But we very much question whether nil the tales ever told of the outpouring of this spirit on the part of the Hibernian contained aught half so much calculated to create laughter as the following true s'ory of an incident in the Kerry Assize Court. A case was being heard as to the right of possession of a certain streamlet, a very paltry affair, altogether. Mr. John Conway O'Connor, civil engineer, was among the witnesses examined :—: — | Mr. O'Connor convulsed the Court, by stating, in in that poetic language peculiar to the quondam admirer of Jenny Lind, that had the rippling 9tream, which had turned out such a Pnctolus to the gentlemen at ihe b»r, nnd of whose refreshing influence they h*d partaken, not only at the last, hut at the present assizes, flowed with that Corkoman beverage ycleped " Beamish and.Crawford's porter" for the last two months, during winch limpid waters had been diverted to irrigute tlie miserable field of one acre some odd roods and perches, it could not have cost more. Mr. John D. Fitzgerald put to Mr. O'Connor aome questions as to how ht> took certain levels, to which Mr. O'Connor replied to the effect that, from the manner in which he hud been huriied to and from the lucus in quo to make f-orae measurements and refresh his memory, he had not deemed it necessary to take the level with his instrument; the more particularly as (he case before the jury was, whether the dependent had or had not a light te divert the couise of that streamlet lor two months. Mr. Fitzgerald. — You are now a witness, sir, and not a. judge, though I am quite sure the judicial wig would gain additional dignity from that intellectual head (loud laughter.) It is abundant in bumps (laughter). I can almost see the ideality next door to sublimity, and wit and locality culminating around them ■ (loud laughter). Mr. Conway O'Connor. — You are a phrenological j philosopher (laughter). A point ot pencraniuin is a peicep'ible parabola (laughter). Pardon the alliterativeness (loud laughter). Mr. Fitzgerald. — Then you Lave studied Gall? (loud laughter). Mi. O"Connor. — Yes; but without losing the milk of human kindness (laughter from Judge Monaban). Mr. Fitzgerald. — True ; jour papillary prognostics are right well developed (loud laughter). The lacteal tide is always at high water mark (loud laughter,). Mr O'Connor.— -The emulgency (laughter) of your comment is quite incomparable. Whatever betide me, there is a tide in the affairs of men (laughter) which, taken at the flood, leads you know where— you are at the top of it (laughter). 1 congratulate j'ou on your honours — you hnve won them well, and may jou wear them long (loud laughter). Mr. Fitzgerald.— -So you are deep in tbe drama, and quite at home in tbe sublime and beautiful. Kerry, I see, is not without its " Admirable Crichtou" (loud laughter). Mr. O'Connor. — Conticuere omnes— we are all county Kerry men (loud laughter.) Mr. Fitzgerald. — Fiuish the line. Mr. O'Connor,— Pardon me, even the supernatural could not stiike us silent (laughter). Mr. Fitzgerald. — Silent O'Moyle, be the roar of your waters ! (laughter.) Mr. O'Connor, (looking round) — Break not, ye breezes, your chain of repose (loud laughter.) Mr. Fitzgerald.— Ah, you ventilate Moore! (loud loughter.) t\ir. O'Connor — And you are an fait in the national cm s (laughter.) But (looking at counsel), you have a singing face on you (laughter.) However, if music be the food of love, btnke (loud laughter.) Lay on Macduff, and — Mr Fitzgerald. — Well, tell me, most poetical sir, with as few of your heroics as you can, how you could take the level without a theodolyte? Mr. Conway 0 Conuor.— Bless jour stupid head (laughter). It is easy to know you are not a Kerry man (loud laughter). Don't you see I've a pair of eye* in my head? (renewed laughter.) Mr. Fitzgerald. — A very handsome pair certainly ; lots of sweethearts, eh Conway (laughter). Mr, O'Connor.— Oh, you flatter me — you do, indeed j (laughter). Mr. Fitzgerald. — Oh, don't blush, Conway. But tell me how you took the l»»vel. Mr. O'Connor. — I ascertained the level of the land with sufficient accuracy with my eye, as 1 pride myself in having the eye of a fowler, as well as of an engineer, with which I can "fire nlong the line," et nulla error (loud laughter). Mr. Fitzgerald. — Then the level is all '• in your eye 1 ' (laughter). " The eye of a fowler as well as an engineer." Mr. O'Connor. — I can play the angler too, loud (laughter.) Mr. Fitzgerald. — For hearts, may be? (laughter.) Do you ever throw the long line in that way 1 (laughter). Mr. O'Connor. — I do, " with a hook " (laughter). Mr. Fitzgerald, — You sketch, draw, and write^poetry, too, 1 believe? Mr. O'Connor. — Yes, and sing a good song, too (laughter). Mr. Fitzgerald. — Poetry, painting, and music! What a paragon. Why, Cerberus w.is nothing to you (laugbter). What an agglomeration of graces (laughter). Mr. O'Connor.— Ye9, I can afford to pify your parvity (laughter) Mr." Btereton, in his closing address to the jury, made allusion to Mr. O'Connor's map, calling him an engineer, fowler, angler, and a man of all trades but he particularly styled him the " Poet." Mr O'Connor. — Yes, and a better tinan than you (laughter), as you have no pretension to be a poet (laughter)— aa you have neither the eye nor the forehead of a poet (laughter). Mr. Brereton, — Shake not those gcry lockß at me (gieat laughter). Mr. O'Connor. — You should have three P's after your name, to signify that you are more fitted for a pounder, or paver than a poet (grent laughter). Do you know any-thing of a purallelopipedon? (laughter.) The whole scene was worthy of Punch, and we only regret that we are not able to give more than this outline.

German Literature.— We set it stated in correspondence from Leipsic that the catalogue of books for the fair in that city shows,- that in the short space of time between the Easter fair and the 30th of Sep. teraber there were published in Germany no less than 3860 new works, and that there were on the latter date 1130 new works in the press. Neaily lire thousand new works in one country of Europe in one half year ! How impossible it wou d seem for sti anger*^ having their own life to live — their own literature to lead — to keep on the advanced lines of a national mind exhibiting this prodigious literary activity ! The amount of intellectual labour dimJy represented in the catalogue appears to have had on the whole a healthy impulse. Of the 3860 works already published, more than half treat of various matters conntcted with science and its concerns. That is to say, descending to particulars — 106 works treat of Protestant theology ; 62 of Catholic theology ;30 of philosophy ; "ZOa ot history and biography ; 20 of languages; 194 of nautical sciences j 168 of mihtaiy tactics ; 108 of medicine; 169 of jurisprudence; 101 of politics; 184 of political economy; 83 of industry and of commerce ; 87 of agriculture and forest administration ; t>9 of public instruction ; l>2 of classical philology ; 80 of living languages ; 64 of the thecrty of music and the arts of design ; 168 of the fine arts in genenil ; 48 of popular writings ; 28 of mixed sciences; and 10 of bibliography. It is satisfactory to see, after their recent compaiative neglect, that science and the arts begin to resume their old sway over llie German mind. — Athenwum.