In Lighter Vein.

Northland Age, Volume 6, Issue 34, 14 May 1937, Page 6

In Lighter Vein.

The Long Drop Wife (nastily) : My family always said it was a bit of a come-down for me when I married you. Husband : Sure it was. Right off the top shelf. The Case He was spouting with great vigor against corporal punishment for boys, which he declared never did any good. “Take my own case,” he exclaimed. “I was never caned but once in my life, and that was for speaking the truth.” “Well,” retorted somebody in the audience, “it cured you.” The Beginner Brown, burdened with a bag of golf clubs, was trudging homewards when he was overtaken by a friend. “Well,” asked the latter, “how did you get on today ?” “Not so badly,” returned Brown. “I took 63.” “Marvellous !” exclaimed the other; “why, it’s wonderful for a beginner.” “I thought so, too,” replied Brown. And he added, “I’m going to try the second hole tomorrow.” More Than Willing The sleight-of-hanu performance was not going very well. “Can any lady or gentleman lend me an egg ?” asked the conjurer, coming down to the footlights. “If we’d ’ad one,” shouted a man in the balcony, “you’d ’ave got it long ago!” A Poser Tommy had had a good spanking, and was now feeling more composed. “Daddy,” he said, “do you spank me because you love me.” “Yes,” replied daddy, “because I love you.” “Well, then,” asked the little boy, “who do you love most, mother or

Hard on “Elize” Eliza and Effie are twins. Mamm; is putting them to bed after bathing them and Effie is laughing and can not be stopped. “Whut you-all laughin’ at, Effie ?’ “You, Mammy !” “At Mammy ? Why ?” “Waal, he, he, you-all done wasl Eliza twice !” Cheaper * The young Scot, after a period ir London, had returned to his native village with his bride. A little latei he met his Uncle Donald. “I hear ye hae got an English wife,” the old man commented sourly. “Aye, uncle !” “What does she dae ?” “What do you mean exactly ?” “Can she sew on your buttons or knit your socks ?” “N-no !” the young benedict admitted. “Mebbe she’s a gran’ haun wi’ a bannock.” “She can’t cook, uncle, but we can afford a servant lass to do that. But she has a voice ! You should just hear her mug.” “Sing!” snorted the ohl worthy. “Man, could ye no hae gotten a canary ?” Free The Aberdonian drew his car up at the big hotel, attracted by a sign “Free Garage.” After putting his car in it, he strolled in the grounds, but, as he showed no signs of entering the booking office, an attendant came out and asked him what accomodation he needed for the night. “None, my son,” replied the traveller, “I’m sleeping in my little car yonder.”

Then He Understood “Fare !” The passenger paid no attention t< the bus conductor’s demand. “Fare, please !” Still the passenger was oblivious. “By the ejaculatory term ‘Fare !’ ’ said the conductor, “I imply no refer ence to the state of the weather, no] even to the quality of the servict vouchsafed by this philanthropic com pany. I merely allude, in a mannei perhaps lacking in delicacy, but no in conciseness, to the monetary obli gation incurred by your presence ii this bus, and suggest that you liquid ate.” And then the passenger woke uj and produced his penny. Forgiving Old Tom had been at loggerheads with his brother for years, but, be coming ill, thought he would like i reconciliation. So he sent for bin and made it up. “There’s just one thing, Jim,” he said, as the other was leaving, “Re member, if I dies, ’tis as ’tis, but i' I lives, with the Lord’s mercy, ’tis as ’twas.” Pointed “I’m a son of the soil, 1 am,” shout ed an orator from his stand. “Yes,” replied one of his audience “and I see you’ve got your father lefl on your hands !” Vice Versa “May a wise word is spoken in jest.” “Yes, but they can’t compare with the number of foolish ones that art spoken in earnest.” A Truth Spoken in Jest “So you decided to quit being an atheist ?” “Yes ; there’s not future to it.” Enlertaning “Well, I did my good deed todaymade at least a hundred people more cheerful.” “How w'as that?” “I chased my hat when the wind blew it down the street.” College Girl “Dad,” wrote the sweet girl, T have become infatuated with calisthenics.” “Well, daughter,” replied the fond father, “if your heart’s set on him, I haven’t a word to say, but I always did hope you’d marry an American.” Deduction “When does the wedding take place ?” inquired the old stationer, jestingly. “Why, you don’t think She blushed and hesitated. “Ah, miss, when young ladies buy a hundred sheets of paper and only twenty-five envelopes, I know there is always something behind it.” Times certainly have changed. The other day a woman married a count for his money. Dodge This There was a mart in our town, and he was wondrous wise ; He swore by all the gods above he would not advertise ! But one day he did break this rule ; and thereby hangs a tale— Ihe ad. was set in real small type, and headed “Bankrupt Sale”.