SOME AXIOMS FOR MOTORISTS RULES IN RHYME

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume LXIV, 10 January 1931, Page 3

SOME AXIOMS FOR MOTORISTS

RULES IN RHYME

CAUTIONARY TALES FOR DRIVERS I know somebody who drives a car, writes Baxter O’Neill in the Christchurch “Times.” I have been driven about in that car. The experience has brought me to the conclusion that what the motorist most wants is to be saved. Something is needed to warn the motorist against impending fate. Therefore l venture out with missionary ardour to preach the gospel to the motorist. I may not be thanked, but then missionaries never are thanked. It i s always flattering to one’s vanity to feel that' the probability of accident lies mainly in the errors that may be committed by others. A belief, such as this permits you to retain a sublime faith in your own driving powers and to blame the other follow for everything that occurs. It is a point of view that may be tersely expressed thus: — There’s really only one good rule— The other fellow is a fool.; FOOLS DIE YOUNG It’s quite a short sten from that attitude to the point of view where you are not only prepared to blame him for everything, but are prepared to expect the very worst to happen .to him at any time. The other fellow is a fo.ql, and fools die young —or ought to, if there is any justice in motoring. Fools need but little here below. Just get their motor started ; They’ll do the rest, and numbered bo Among the great departed. Quite a sermon on the evils and dangers of speeding might be compressed into a couple of lines, thus: A cortege round the corner waits For him who here accelerates. That has the virtue of brevity and it ought not to bo difficult to remember its sinister import. The same thought, of course, couTcl be served out in a variety of ways. Those who like better measure might like to see it expressed this way: That trouble waits for those who try To take the turns at paces high, And all, the safety rules defy. The tombstones sadly testify. Most mishaps occur at corners, and a little attention to the subject of care at corners might make for safer motoring. Is it better to praise the virtues of care, or would better results accrue from impressing the probable effects of lack of care? A thin" is better remembered as a rule if it promises something unpleasant. Hence: The corner turned without clue care, Or holding out of warning hand, May prove tho portal of the roaa That leads on to the better land. The better land may be an excellent place, but— ! Then there is the. trouble of mixing things i”\ and doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. A little epitaph along these lines might be memorised with advantage: The story of Francis Adolphus Drake, Who stepped on the gas instead of the Ijr&ko This stone, erected for inem’ry’s sake, Tells. O driver, the warning take. “ONE-ARMED” DRIVERS Of course a little confusion as to the functions of the respective gadgets on your car need not necessarily lead on to the coroner and the undertaker, but the chances are that it will. Here is something a little less drastic: This the brake, that the gas,. If you lovq your life don’t mix em. Those who do reach such a state, Medical aid can’t fix ’em.

No work on how to keep, living though motoring would be at all complete without some reference to those drivers who step on the gas and vive their, attention to something else at the same time. Some there are who admire the scenery and forget all about the road, but not many. The most usual cause of this trouble is what is popularly known as “one-armed drivers.” You simply can’t drive, a car properly and philander with a fair passenger at the same time. The fact that it is so often done coming back from Brighton doesn’t disprove the assertion; It merely indicates that some cars go to Bi’ighton so often that they know their way back again without requiring very much driving. A word, however, for "these one-armed drivers: Inattention at the wheel, By speeding supplemented, Provides tho shortest route to where There dwell the' late lamented. THE SKID There is the over-confident driver, who thinks that no matter how. asinine lie may be in handling his car, it will keep out of trouble. A ver- brief epitaph appears to be indicated: Bill thought his flivvor couldn’t skid; This stone proves that it could, and did. In these days of highly specialised females, there is the woman driver. A woman drives a car in the same way that she does everything else —in her own way. She is usually in everybody else’s way, too. Get out of her. way if you can. It is safer than stopping to argue. Phyllis at the intersection Showed a Jack of circumspection, Pressed, it seems, by perverse fate, her Foot on the accelerator. . . . She made her exit through the hood, Wo’ll meet her some day if we’re good.

With so many people driving cars, and hurling themselves and others out of the world, it may be assumed that there has been, in recent years, a decided increase in the immigration rate on the “other side.” If they have an “Ellis Island” over there it must be a very busy place. Imagine the picture: The Devil scanned a motley band That drove in revelry. And swore an oath as he angrily quoth “These motoring, fools,” quoth he, “In number great from every State and nationality Are wildly whirled out of the world And sent along to me.” The Devil fumed as masses loomed Of drivers, row on row: “I must admit them to my pit— They’ve nowhere else to go. But ere they gain my royal domain, My mandate let them know— Outside the bars they leave their cars, They’ll not drive here below.” A SERMON IN VERSE That everybody is greatly concerned about the motorist and his safety is indicated by the fact- that so responsible a periodical as the “The Spectator” recently devoted a lot of time to discovering a form of mnemonic jingle that would serve to keep in the mind of tho

erring driver the rules of the road so as to protect him against himself and others. A competition produced quite a number of creditable efforts from which the following was sorted out as the prize winner :

When approaching a cross-road be cautious and slow And tootle your horn to let all the world know. Swing gently round corners, four wheels on the ground, Keeping in to the left until you see round. Whenever you come to a side road, Beware ! ■ For you are the fellow responsible there. Before overtaking see clearly ahead— Don’t think “There’s just time,” and be sadly misled. Reply to the toot of the oncoming car; Give heed to the warning of spreading of tar; Remember to signal when turning or slowing--The man just behind you is grateful for knowing. In traffic stop dead if you see a red light, But if it is green then you know you’re all right! To obey a policeman you never must fail, Else you’re running the risk of a night in the gaol. That may be regarded as a pretty comprehensive sermon, designed to bring about the salvation of all motorists who commit to to memory and observe it. Of course, quite a number of the jingles submitted had to do with what happens, or is likely to happen, to the motorist who does not do as he should do. Thus, there is this depressing thought: All the speeds you’ve ever sped Won’t make up for one man dead. From that, it is, of course, but a very short step to a sinister warning of this kind: Do your ninety miles a minute, Soon the gallows tree will rise With a noose, and you’ll be in it! That is not a very pleasant sort of thought, and might induce even a reckless motorist to take notice of the following cautionary lines: Drive only at such speed that you Can stop within the length in view. A little attention of course, is given to the other fellow, to the “fool” (or the “passenger of the foot” as the Japanese call him); If you by night would safely drive, Remember these three rules: All bikes are blind, all drivers deaf, And all pedestrians fools. In Christchurch, at all events, we know something about the bikes. If the maker of the lines had confined all his opprobrium for the cyclists I would have been inclined to agree with him. Having read all the published entries 1 rather' think that the best effort submitted to “The Spectator” was this: Slow at the corners, for the eye Cannot round the corner spy; Pass no car if corners blind Block the view of cars behind. Sound the horn, but do not hoot Aimlessly, with wearying toot. Use the hand for signals clear That no double sense can bear. . . „■ Evidently there was some more that “The Spectator” didn’t like, so it didn’t quote it. But, as far as it went, that ilittle jingle had plenty of sound sense, hadn’t it?