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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIV, Issue 7, 8 January 1881, Page 4

Some one -who believes that "brevity is the soul of *wit," -writes, " Don't eat stale Q-cumbers. They'll YV up." The coolest thiDg ever done by a bankrupt was, I should im-agine, the exploit of a eer* tain gentleman not Unknown to political fame, who recently called his. creditors together to make them a " satisfactory " proposition. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am in your debt, and I can't pay, I have no money even for roy sorest need. I have a libel case which is certain to yield me £2000, but for lack of funds I cannot prosecute it. Gentlemen, if you wish to be paid, advance me the money to conduct my suit, and then 1 Bhall be able to give you something in the pound. Gentlemen, 1 can make no fairer proposal." He was quite serious ; but somehow his creditors did not see it,— London, Corros* ijondent. „ They "arc slightly in advance of us in the United States in relation to the use of the lash. A correspondent of a New York Coh= temporary remarks-, with rfcf eretice to a pite posnl for the restoration pf . the whippingpost fc-t .men-whoibeM; 'and otherwise malj tretfet thetr Wives, that it is a good suggestion, ror Wife-beating is a brutal practice. But he would also recommend the use of the same whipping-post "for women who wilfully neglect their households and spend their time and their husbands' earnings in the many lagei' bftei*- salootis and. the hoMbl^ bticket shops with which the city abotinds." It is cold comfort, he truly fcominbnts, to a man coming.home from . a hard day's . Work to find his wife drunk, his children neglected and, perhaps, ho slipper, with a ready tongtte adding insult to injury. Eat'iy in the fifties, a certain man in a camp of the Northern Mines of Nevada, having tracked his two donkeys and one horse, half a mile 1 , and discovering t)iat a miin^s ti'&ck with spu.v-mants lotlowed them, came back to t'b\vri and told the " boys," who loitered about a popular saloon, that, in his opinion, some Mexican had stolen the animals. As they loafed back to the verandah, a Meiicdn walked over the hill bi'ott. A rush, a struggle*, and the Mexican, bound hand and % foot, lay on his back in the bar-room, A jury was quickly gathered together in the streets, is},hd despite refusals, to servej the ct'dwd hiir ried tliem in behind tfie bar. A new knock having been given to the jury door, the lock was burst in, and a dozen smiling fellows asked the verdict. The foreman promptly answered "Not Guilty." "The boys" slammed the door with " You'll have to do better than that." In half an hour the advocate gently opened the door again. " Your opinion, gentlemen ?" " Guilty !" Correct ! Yqu can cornq out j we hung him an hour ago !" Remarked Brother Gardener of the Limekiln Club, "1^ for one, hey been p&i»ed to obsarve a growin' desire on de part o' cull'd folkses td knock deir chill' en down wid silverplated front names. Up in my block ebery cabin hez a Hortense, or a Maud, or a Genevieve, who will grow up to go bar'fut in summer an' bend over de waahtub in winter. I believe dat half that ails the niggers now-i---days am deir fancy names. I tell yoti de-y ftm a powerful burden ftir a Child o tiarry; No yonng gal wid a big foot and a mouf like a sAsser ani gwine to look any purtier for being called Cleopatra Vive Clarabell. No, sah. Ize A believer in de good old fashun names, such as Polly, Dinah, Sam, Tom, an' Jim. Bar's sumthing' squar' an' honest in 'em, an' dey weigh sixteen ounces to de pound. Dis kentry am fcryin' to get rid ov 'em, an' banks are bustin', men stealin', towns burnin' np, and tornadoes sweepin' o'er de land. I tell ye, an honest straightforward name is half to.'ard keepin' a chile honest, an' if I kept a grocery store> I'd ti'ust Moses all. day long, an' keep b'oaf eyes dh Adolphus i"