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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XV, Issue 77, 31 March 1880, Page 2

A correspondent of the Taranaki Herald says that when he applied for work to the official iv charge of the "unemployed contingent" on the Waimate Plains, the answer he received was, "Go to Wellington and starve for a mouth, aud then they will take you on." A glaring instance of the inefficiency of the present bankruptcy system occurred in - the case of Mr Berry, of Wellington, who stated in the affidavit filed by him when be became bankrupt that he was indebted in the sum of £1,1000 to the various bankrupt estates in which he had been trustee ! Mr M'Kelvie an old Auckland colonist baa sent to the Auckland museum by the Loch ITrr, from London, a collection of Maori curiosities which had been in England for more than thirty years; also a large collection of silver and copper coins and twenty curious medals. The Westport, Times says : — The efforts of Mr Fisher, during the last sitting of Parliament, in the direction of obtaining more liberal administration of the waste lands of this district, have borne fruit. The clerks of the Courts at Westport, Reefton, and Ahaura have been appointed officejrs to re ceive applications for leases, &c , and maps of the blocks open for selection ma} r be seen at tbo several offices. Full particulars of the new arrangement are advertised. A gentleman in Auckland, not extremely giveu to piety, was dismayed by being asked to say grace at a strange table. To refuse and explain would be embarrassing ; to comply would be equally so. He chose the latter, aud started off briskly enough with "' Oh, Lord, bless this table " — Just here, being unused to the business, he nearly broke down, but, by a gigantic effort, pulled through with " World without end. Yours respectfully, Amen." A witness under the examination in the RM. Court, Wellington, was asked if he were in the habit of taking an e»tra glass of grog on a Saturday, and replied that he was not particular on what day he imbibed this extra allowance The same witness, in further cross-examination as to Bacchanalian tendencies, was asked whether on a certaiu day he *' had a glass or two." A smile of derision came over the face of that witness as he replied, " considering I generally take eight or ten a day I have no doubt I had." Considerable excitement was created during the holding of Mr Amesbury's sale at Palmerston on Wednesday, through an imperfect knowledge of the English language on the part of oue of tbe would be buyers. The auctioneer was selling a young pig, and repeated '• How much for the barrow, gentlemen ; give me an offer for the barrow ? " when a gentleman from Vaterland pressed forward and after peering into every hole and corner of the pen, innocently asked the Knight of the Hammer, " Were ish de barrow ; mine Gott, I zees no barrow." When the laughter had subsided, Mr Amesbury introduced him to the porcine lot, when the Teuton exclaimed, "Oh, dormer and blitzen, me tinks it was von barrow mid the pheel."— Times. An Auckland paper says : — There was a sharp scholar to be found in the Pitt-street Wesleyan Sabbath School on Palm Sunday. One of the Ministers was giving the children their monthly address, and in the course of his remarks he made reference to the season of the year — Easter week and Good Friday — soliciting from the children answers to his various questions. Oue question seemed rather hard : " What is meant by Good Friday ? " There was a short silence and none could reply, and the preacher awaited and pressed for an answer when the youngster, above-mentioned, looking .at the question in a truly practical form, cried out, to the astonishment of all ; " Because Sir, of the hot-cross-buns we get." This was a tickler for the Superintendent and teachers. His Honor Judge Johnston and Colonel Scratchley must have been mightily pleased j when they saw a paragraph in a late issue of J a Wellington paper, that " The s.s. Roto- \ mahana brought to YVellington recently a great num' er of persons of distinction and fame, amongst whom we may mention His Honor Judge Johnston, Colonel Scratchley, Hon. "Ready Money" Robinson, Captain Johnson (Marine Department), young Scott, the pedestrian and hia trainer, Mr Aufitin, and last— but in many persons' estimation, not least — Abe Hicken, the renowned pugilist. " A goodly company, truly." First lad (spitefully)— " Your mother's got red hair." Second lad (argumentatively) — '' Well my mother's hair is her own, and your mother buys hers."

The four great Royal Commissions (says the Post) announced by the Government last session as to be appointed during the recess being fairly under weigh, it is difficult to avoid putting to oneself a simple little question, which is generally rebuked as a rude one, and perhaps in the present case may be denounced as especial impertinent. Put in polite language, that query is—" Cui bono?" or, in the most usual aud perhaps more vulgar terms, " What's the good of 'em ? " It may be dreadfully irreverent, positively wicked indeed, to question the value of so very grand and exalted an institution as a Royal Commission. The very name smacks of kingly dignity, aud seems to breathe almost autocratic power for good or ill. But this is a sceptical, if uot an unbelieving age, and people are no longer to be satisfied with high-sounding sentiments, imposing phrases, and rotund periods. They are quite capable of appreciating to its fullest import the definite and practical fact that a certain thiug will dost a large sum of money, which must come out of their pockets, and with that fact clearly established in their minds', they immediately " want to know, you know,*' 1 whether they will receive value for their expenditure — moneys worth for their money. They readily apprehend the concrete circumstances that a number of gentlemen have been appointed members of four Royal Commissions ; that these Commissions have appointed a little army of secretaries and shorthand-writers at so many guineas per diem for an indefinite period ; that the Commissioners and their officers will travel all over the colony at their own sweet will and the public expense } and that at the close of their labors the result will be given to his Excellency the Governor and to the world in the shape of voluminous reports, involving an enormous outlay for printing them — aIBO at the cost of the public. All these are facts "plain as a pikestaff " to the meanest apprehension. If we could only rest at this point there would be no possibility of any difference of opinion ; everyone might be contented and happy — especially the Commissioners and their officers. But that tormenting little vulgar question will persist in thrusting up its intrusive bead, " What's the good ? " What, indeed ! A man waa denouncing newspaper advertising to a crowd of listeners. " Last week," said he, " I had an umbrella stolen from the vestibule of the church. It was a gift ; and, valuing it very highly, 1 spent double its worth in advertising, but have not recovered it*'" " How did you word your advertisement," asked a merchant. " Here it is," said the man, producing a slip cut feom a newspaper. The merchant took it and read : " Lost from the vestibule of — church, last Sabbath evening, a black silk umbrella. The gentleman who took it will be handsomely rewarded by leaving it at No. — , San Fernando street." " Now," said the merchant, "I am a liberal advertiser, and always found that it paid me well. A great deal depends upon the matter in which an advertisement is put. Let us try for your umbrella again, and if you do not acknowledge then that advertising pays I will purchase j'ou a new one." The merchant then took a slip of paper from his pocket, and wrote, "If the man who was seen to take an umbrella from the vestibule of the church last Sabbath evening, does not wish to get into trouble, and have a stain cast upon the Christian character, which he values so highly, he will return it to No. — Sau Fernando Street." This duly appeared in the paper, and on the following morning the man wag astonished when he opened the front door of his residence. On the porch lay at least a dozen umbrellas of all shades aud sizes tbat had been thrown in from the side walk, while the front yard was literally paved with umbrellas. Many of them bad notes attached to them saying that they had been taken by mistake and begging the loser to keep tbe little affair quiet. — Saturday Magazine. Germany is intending to form convict colonies in the South Sea Islands. The subject haa been discussed by the -Federal Council, but nothing has been decided regarding the carrying out of the project. Bornum's tattooed Greek sailor is on exhibition in Albany, aud the advertisement says :— " He has upon his body 7,000,000 punctures, and it was all done by a female savage. The poor man lost a drop of blood and shed a tear for every puncture, and was the only one of twenty-four who survived the operation. The woman who did the tattooing worked six hours a day for ninety days before the task was completed." A mathematican of the Albany Express figures as follows : — " The woman must have given him 3£ punctures a second. Then if he lost one drop of blood with every puncture, he lost, estimating the usual number of drops to a pint, and taking a pint for a pound, 5833 lbs. Or, to put it differently, just 889 gal. of blood, or a trifle over twenty barrels during ninety days. Tears don't weigh so much as blood, so bunching the two together the gentleman from Albania must have lost about 5J- tons of those fluids within three months." Barnutn's agent retorts that, if the Gieek had not been a wonderful man, he would not have been exhibited. The following inimitable order was given by a well-known Irish member at the Kildare Club the other day : " Waither, get me a large glass of pure spring wather." The unction with which the words " pure spring wather" was enunciated would have delighted the ears of Sir Wilfred Lawson ; but just as the waither got well away to the other end of the room, this addendum was added : " And, waither, just put two glasses of Irish whisky in it ! " ■^Prince Bismarck has consented to support the founding of a new German South Sea colony. It is rumored that Germany also intends to acquire possession of other small South Soa Islands. The new German Consul at Apia is to pay particular attention to the subject.