PADDY MURPHY ON THE POLITICAL SITUATION.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIV, Issue 168, 16 July 1879, Page 4

PADDY MURPHY ON THE POLITICAL SITUATION.

(Saturday Advertiser). Lambtok Kay, Wellington, July 3rd, 1879. Ton me consbinse, it's mesilf that's in a party fix intirely, so I am, an begorra I don't know what to do at all. at all, so I don't. At coorse ye've heard o' the row in the Kabinet betchone Bir George an' Misther Ballance, but bad lnck to the word o' tbruth it there in the reports that's appeared in the papers. The throe varsion ay how the

i ruction cum about is as follows: — Mesilf an* me collaiges wor houldin* a private Kabinefc sayance, wid Sir George in the chair, whin the Threshurer popped in, carrying his budget on 1 his back. " The top o' the tnornin* to you, boys," ses he. " The same to you, an' a great many ay them," ses Sir George, spaikin' for the lot ay us. "I've got me fin-acahil statement here," says the Threshurer. " D'ye tell me so," ees Sir George, " I hope we've a big Ballance to our credit," ses Sir George, thryin' to make a pun on our collaige's name. " Och, begorra, yer getlin' mighty funny since ye cum back from the North," ses the Threeurer, lookin' as savage as the divil at the Prime-ear. " Don't look so shirty, for though yer a journalist," ses Sir George, "ye needn't get your paper collar up," ses he. Thia last insult roused Misther Ballance's Irish blood, and by the hokey, he flared up in a tundherin' pasahin, aa he turned on the Prime-ear, and says he, " Luk here, me bould bouchil, ay ye don't hold yer prate, be the shinbone ay Fin MacouFs grandmother, I'll break iviry bone in your ugly karcase," ses the Threshurer. "What's that you say?" ses Sir George, jum pin' up and preparin' to sthrip " Here, hould my coat, Paddy avick," ses the Prime-ear turniu' to me. Ay coorse I'm a lover ay peace an' quietness, and so I thought it betther to interpose in ordher to save the sheddin' o' blood. So placing mesilf in the sinthre o' the room betchune the boys. I armed mesilf with the poker, and I raisoned with thim like a Dutch uncle. " Arrah, don't be makin' a holy show ay yerselves," ses I. " Blur-an-ounthers, boys, ye ought to have more sinse, so ye ought. What'll our inimies say when they hear o' this ruction ? Why, yer more like a pair ay overgrown gossoona than statesmen," ses I. ' Ter both dacint boys enuff, an' ye mane , well for the Colony," ses I, " but yer so peppery an' headstrong that yer jist givin' the landsharks an' their friends a chance to crow over ye," ses I. " Tlie long an' the short ay it is, that unless ye both bait a rethrait, an' that pretty quickly too, somebody will be wantin' a docther, an' it won't be me," ses I, an' at the same time I brandished me poker in ordher to imfasise me remarks. J?aix, this put the comether on thim, an' they both lift the Kabinet sayance throo the mayjium ay two different doors. K ow, this is a thrue an' corrict varshun ay' the whole affair, an' whoever ses it isn't can ieel me mussell by applyin' at my offis, in Lambton-kay. Ay coorse yell be able to see now that mesilf an' Mac are the only two numbers o' the present Miniathry that's houldin' the Kabinit together, an' begorra, we're well able to do it, in spite ay the growlin' o' the dogß in the Opposition manger. Now, jist to show ye the tbreachery o' the mane bosthoons that compose the laidbers ay the Colonial Tories, I sind ye the followin' note which has raiched me durin' the week. Yell glain from it that they're thryin' to buy me over to their side, for sure they know right well that no Kabinit can stick together widout me. I hope yell be able to make the writin' out, for sure I don't care about alterin' the apellin', an' puttin' it in good plane Irish Inglish. I lave it as I found it, in the dirty dicahun ay the Sassenach, bad luck to thim. Tell obsarve that it's from Misther C. C. Bo wen, who by-the-bye, is a pote, an' that's the rayson he wrote it in meether An', be the same token, he's projuced some very naite iffusions in his time but this ipostol ay his won't shoot me. I'm too old a bird to be caught wid chaff, so I am, an' I'm not to be bought, so I'm not:— Kaiapoi, Canterbury, June 30tb, 1879. To P. Murphy, Esq., Lambton-quay, Wellington. Dear Paddy — I'm sorry to hear of the barney That lately occurred in the city of smells, I I'm sure you are tired of Grey and his blarney, So, take my advice, Pat and join with the swells; I need not assure you I'm ready for office, 1 The Major I'm certain, is open again, And then there's Fitzroy, too, that exquisite toff is Quite willing to join us with Geordie Maclean. I'd like to reside in the city of stenches, I'm eager to handle the Treasury dumps, And lounge at my ease on the Treasury benches Beside great Sir William, the Knight of 1 the Pumps. \ I fancy that Ormond would take a position I Among us; old Rolleston's not a bad , man; Fred Whitaker, too, has a governing mission, I And if we run short we can fall back on | Dan. You see that I've everything fixed for our party, ' The Press, too, is working our nice little I game; ; So if you have sense now, you'll join us, ! my hearty. — I beg to remain, Pat, yours ever the 1 same. 1 C. C.Bowen. ' I nee'n't inform you that I thraited 1 the above scurvy attimpt to bribe me with the contimpt which sich a mane iffushun desarved. Yell hear from me soon again. Paddy Murphy.

I A person who lived for a year or two in the Ranieri district, and who recently filed his schedule, finally quitted the locality the i other day. He was, as a slight mark of > esteem, accompanied by a tin kettle band, and the greatest joy was evinced by all, excep- » ting his creditors, at hia departure. Tini settling debtors is a novelty which it is to . be hopedwill not be introduced elsewhere. • v r Newson, formerly of Greenwell Hall, } Yorkshire, is endeavoring to start a woollen factory with a capital of £5000 at Auckland. He proposes to caHup £1500, taking a con- ' siderable number of aharts himself.

A celebrated prina donnu was asked the other day what three things she liked best in the world "First of all," ahe replied " good notices ; better still, beautiful dresses; most of all, tripe and bottled stout ! " Aa a substitute for the execution of a criminal by handing, Dr Packard, of Philadelphia, makes the following suggestion: —There should be fitted up in the gaol a small room, which can be made air-tight. By means of very simple arrangements, carbonic oxide can be substituted for the air of the room, and a person confined in it would then die the easiest and quietest death known to science. He would simply cease to exist. A jury should be appointed to identify the convicted person. In their presence he should be conducted to the room, and placed in it, entering by a sliding door, of plate glass it may be, protected by a netting of iron wire. The process of rendering the air irrespirable should then be begun, and would very soon be completed. In less than ten minutes, fresh air might be introduced by opening the sliding door and reversing the process ; and the same jury, again identifying the body, would certify to the fact of the execution having been duly carried out. Coming events cast their shadows before them — those who remain too long hesitating get overtaken by the event as well as the shadow. How many a valuable life would have been saved, if the premonitory symptoms of coming disease had been regarded ? " Ghollah's Great Indian Cukes," if taken j in time, are the most certain preventatives ' of serious disease ever yet discovered. They are infallible remedies, and sold by all Chemists.