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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIII, Issue 276, 28 November 1878, Page 2

A Maori in Ohinemuri did a smart thing the other day. He appeared before a settler's house in the dusk with a mob of about, IJS cattle, and knocking at the door was answered by the mistress of the house, who, ia reply ! to the wily savage, said that her husband was at Paeroa, a distance of about three miles, recording his vote at the County election. The Maori then informed her that be had just arrived from the settlement, a considerable distance away, with some cattle which he intended tb dispose of at Paeroa, and asked permissioa to drive them into the stockyard for the night, which was granted. The cattle were penned, and John Maori said that he was short of money, and, asked .Mrs H — - to advance £5 o$ the moty and' when her husband returned he could pick out those which he liked best. The lady thought all was square, and advanced the amount asked for. In the morning Mr H returned, and, after being informed of the affair, proceeded to the stockyard to 3urvey the caffcie, but what was his consternation to fled '.that they belonged to his neighbor.' The had taken advantage of the dark »n<l the settler's absence to collect another iettlerfs animals, and drive them to Mr H — -'a house, where he succeeded in passing them off as his own property, and obtaining a good sum of money on them . Of course the rascal was non est in the morning, and the cattle had to be returned to their lawful owner.— Thames Advertise'-. The London correspondent of a contempolary writes:— lt is with no little regret I chronicle the fact that I saw a young volunteer at one of our suburban stations yesterday so helplessly tipsy that his mother, a respectable looking woman of the middle class, had been obliged to take his bayonet! and rifle from him. The hour was six in the evening, and this defender of our hearths and homes had been drinking all day. His pouch had several cartridges jn it, and he was just the style of young man to have used them, had it not been for his mother. As if to pair with this not edifying sight, I met this morning a police-sergeant returning from night duty even more helplessly intoxicated than ray volunteer of the previous evening. He fell twice in a public thoroughfare, and I left him at last rolling in the gutter. I shall watch the future career of this officer, whose number I booked, with considerable interest. ; The Oamaru Afatt. says the words of Mr Bracken's "New Zealand National Anthem" are beautiful but that ' the tune is about as commonplace ia it is possible for music to be. That had notes been indiscriminately showered upon blank music paper the result could scarcely hare been worse, and it is unworthy of a first-class nursery rhyme, much lesc.ol words such as those of Mr Bracken. The estate of Mr U.S. Meyers, of Auckland, who failed for £23.000, has been distributed amongst the creditors, who bare received just 6d in the pound. The Paris correspondent of the Gtutha Tme» writes;— The toys in the Paris Exhibition continue to be very attractive and also new traps in silk netting, with a spring, for catching small birds and nightingales-, a good boy might be allowed to sat it for sparrows and robins, provided he liberated the prisoners just after caressing them. The 'swimming dog' is clumsy i but the 'swimming 1 bather is a success: there is one lady on springs that dips on her back} there is a goat that walks and cries equal to life—Garibaldi might include it in his herd; there is a republican hen, that toddles along, and lays, en route, red, white, and blue eggs; a little miss pushes a perambulator; a bear, like a famous frog, goes a wooing; — indeed the automatic principle is as ingeniously as it is humorously applied. Boys wiil be glad to learn that there are trains that run by themselves, and before stopping the engine whistles, and a pop-gun makes a terrible noise by means of a piece of newspaper as large as a franc. Says the "Flaneur" of the London Court C'rcular : — " Political partizansbip occasionally exhibits itself after a curious fashion. I was lunching in a couatry house in Suffolk the other day, when a terrier' 'dog- made its appearance and went through the following performance : — A piece of biscuit was thrown on the floor by ils mistress, T#fh the remark, * Gladstone sent it.' Thereupon the dog turned away with a face of ineffable disgust; and gave a low growl, never attempting to eat. « Dizzy sent it, 1 said the lady, and the animal at once rushed forward and seized the biscuit with a hearty good-will. Thii f.# as repeated several times, the dog being perfect in the trick, or rather, I should say, 'Consistent in Its political opinions,"

• •■ • ?■ ! The London firm, Messrs Hawkaley^bw;?; bray, and Co., in reply to a telegramNfroml Melbourne about the panic in gas shares; caused by the electric light experiments, says that they consider the depreciation only temporary % . - . • \ V' ' Two bicycle riders on machines recently "ran across England," 205 miles, in 17 hours !7min. That was the actual time in the saddle. The whole journey, stoppages, including, ocaupled 22 hours. Lord Beaconsfield is renewing his youth anJ becoming quite gay again. He ia a, regular attendant at the theatre* »M evening entertainments id London. The stories of men whose age ii considerably ofef a hundred generally "come ' from districts ia which verification is iniptjsibte. Never, perhaps, even from such districts, has & candidate for the age of one hundred and. eighty years teen presented, but one is offered for our credence in the person' oi aQitizen of Bogota"; in San Salvador. We rtre told, sa>a the Lan^t, that he only confesses to this agej trut his flefahitors, ffho ! must be better able to judge, afnrrii .th'dt fie j is considerably older that he says. He is ft half-breed, named Michael Solis, and his existence is testified to by Dr Ht ruandez, who , was assured that when one of the.. " oldest inhabitants" was a child this v man 1 , was recognised as a centenarian?- : . His signature, la 1?I2, is said to have been discovered tttiiong those of persona who assisted ia the construction of a certain ~~ convent. Dr Hernandez found this wonderful individual working in his garden. His "skin ito&like! parchment, his hair as white as snow and covering his head like a turban;' He' attributed his long life to his careful habits-, eating only, once a day, for, half an hour, becaused he! believed that more fqodhthau could be eajten in half an hour could not he . digested in" twenty^four hours. He had been accustomed to fast on the first and fifteenth of every month, drinking, onUhose days, as much water as possible." ...He* chose "theJrnoat > nourishing foods, and took all things cold. An ingenious device for evading" the licensing laws is report,ed : lirorn \yeliuigton. A speculator in'public-houses recently, built > a hotel upon the outskirts of the • city, but : could not get a license, -ite'i built a ..concert hall some distance from the hotel, and on the road to it he had a lot of .tickets .printed marked " Back Seats 6d," and ad-oW; No concert was ever given in. the hall, but yet there was a curious demand for tickets. On the other hand, no liquor -was ever sold at the hotel, but a large quantity was consumed' there. The explanation is simple,^ When a man presented himself thereat, and demanded refreshments, por speculator, with sorrowful , visage, remarked that he was not ..licensed. The visitor joined in the regret, apd; asked how the concert hall was getting on, incidentally remarking that he had a front seat j ticket for the concert, which he casually produced. At the sight of the concert ticket, our speculator's heart opened, and he effusively offered, refreshment gratis to the visitor. : Singularly enough, holders of back seat'tickets ouly got oue drink, but those who invested in reserved seats- got five drinks. Then the visitor forgot the concert "ticket, which he left upon the counter, and of course the generous dispenser of the gratuitous refreshment did not think it worth while to return it to him'. .

The Court of Appeal was occupied nearly the whole of yesterday (says the New Zealuvder) with the case of JVnrdell v. Buckridge. The arguments of the learned counsel on both sides were devoid of any general pubic interest, save that a statute passed during the reign of Henry VIII. was quoted on both sides frequently, and the lay mind of the Court, at all events, was lost in amazement to conceive how or why any action of this most objectional monarch should impinge upon free men in a new country in the latler end of the nineteenth century. I The Lyllclton Tunes says that at the Christchurch Synod one of the clergymen stated that there was an impression on ihe minds of many that the marriage fees went into the pockets of the officiating clergymen. As an instance of this, he mentioned that oc a recent occasion, when he had informed a parishioner that the fees amounted to 31s, the latter muttered the words, " a good day's wages." The fact was that the marriage fees went, not into the pockets of individual clergymen, but were given to the Clergy Pension Fund. Another clergyman quoted an opinion expressed by some colonial philosopher, to the effect that "if you wish a parson to work you must keep him poor." A Japanese paper states that Japan has already 3S bank?, and that Gi others are being established, while other finance companies are applicants for official licenses. • The fastest single mile made by the bicycle is 2min 45sec, so that for short spurts "the horse beats the best time made; but "blood tells " with the man and the machine in long pulls. The Slraits Times of the 13th August says: — " The head gardener in the Botanical Gardens had a rather dangerous adventure on Friday last wilh the python recently presented to the gardens by the Maharajah of Johore. The creature is sluggish in his habits and allows liberties to be taken with him. On Friday the gardener entered the python's cage, and was showing to a friend that be could do as he pleased with him, when suddenly, irritated by a kick on the head, the python coiled hinisel f quickly rou nd the gardener's body, and had well nigh succeeding in squeezing the life out of him before]assistance arrived in the shape of Private Jobn Adolphus, of H.M., 28th Regiment, who very pluckily seized the snake, and, by sheer strength; forced him to let go." Fish Torpedoes appear to have a wny of their own, and sometimes do what is least expected of them. Among other things, they are apt to lose themselves in Portsmouth Harbor, it seems; and lately a reward of five pounds was offered to anyone who should bring a strayed "fish" home again to (he Vernon torpedo ship. A little while ago, when one of Her Majesty's ironclads was practising with these ingenious machines, one of them took it into his head to turn tail and to run back under the vessel again. Fortunately it is not the custom to fill the head with explosives, or by this time we should have had oue battle-ship the less, while Portsmouth Harbor would scarcely afford a safe anchorage in these days. Again the fish torpedo, if we may judge by the few instances in which the Eussians availed themselves of its use, does not inspire much confidence in the hands of its friends. The terrible mine in its head, and the extreme pressure of air in its body, puts its employers in a great hurry to part with it, and the consequence is that the " lish" runs away sometimes without taking a proper course. It is shaped, as our readers know, something like a cigar, and measures 12 or 14 feet long, the motive power, as it glides through the water, being supplied by air powerfully compressed in the middle of the machine. A pressure of something like GCO or TOOlbs upon the square inch is said to be exerted on the starting of the torpedo, and this pressure is sufficient to impart a speed of more than 20 miles an hour for the distance of 1,000 yards or so. Behind the reservoir is the machinery upon which the compressed air acts; a screw, revolving at high speed, securing the motion of the torpedo. The charge, as we have said, is in the head of the " fish," and is ignited as soon as the latter strikes any object. A properlybehaved fish-torpedo should always move in a straight line, and at the end of the journey, if it has failed to strike its prey, should float at the top of the water, where "it can be captured without danger But, seemingly, we are not yet sufficiently familiar with the habits of the creature to be able to predict with certainty what it is going to do. Writing of the occupation of Quettah, Major-General Green, an old Indian officer, says :— " I venture to think that there is no position on the whole length of the frontier of India better suited to maintain such a guarantee to defend Afghanistan than is Quettah. In this position commanding the entrance to the Bolan Pass, in a friendly country, surrounded by friendly tribes, a British force could assemble, backed by the resources of England and of India, in a climate favourable to the European constitution, and from this position it could act either upon the offensive or defensive. A very long frontier experience has further proved to me that if we aro to form the ' quickset hedge' out of the warlike frontier tribes, as you suggest, the representatives of such a policy must reside among them, and be ever present and ready to guide and train them. At Quettab the British political officers hold such a position. I therefore believe that from Quettah. we should be able iu the shortest time to carry into effect any guarantee we might make to the ruler of Afghanistan against Russian aggression, and that the knowledge of the existence of our power of assembling a force for that purpose so near his frontier would do more to bind the Ameer to our interests than would any other means. But snch a position can be made to bear a different signification. Should Shere Ali, in spite of our remonstrances and advice, side with Russia againat England, then from Qnettah an advance into Afghanistan would soon bring him to reason. Such an advance ' is however, highly to be deprecated unless forced upon us." In an article on what it aptly calls " The Education Craze" the Fall Mall Gazette says:-" The cleverest chiidren-those iu whom mother wit has not been entirely extinguished between heaps of disjointed historical aud scientific facts— seem to be those who, instead of answering the examiners according to their folly, dodge them humorously and reply as though they were dealing with mere propounders of conundrums. A clock- i maker's daughter called upon to explain the meaning of • the devil and all his works ' 3aid ' that his * works ' meant his inside. A boy of genius, asked what he meant by «poor in spirit, replied, ' Them as have little gin left in their bottle.' Conscience having been described as • a binward monitor,' the inspector called upon an intelligent pupil to say what a monitor was,, when the youth replied, 'A hlronclad.' Such answers aB ♦ Turkey is the capital of Norfolk,' « Tureen is the capital of Chiner '—due to lads who had completed a three years' course at a metropolitan board school — would pass in a Strand burlesque as jokes. The boy, however also a certificated three years' student— who' gave 'Devonshire, Exeter, Littikua, Numer3, Stronoroy, Jupiter, Judges, Ruth, &c., 5 as the names of the books of the Old Testament was apparently in earnest. So also was that other lad who, full of what Strauss would have called 'the stern common sense of ordinary mankind, 7 said ho did not know what a miracle was ; said that if he saw the sun shining overhead at midnight he should call it the moon; that if he were told it were the sun he should say it were a lie; and that if the school examiner in person declared positively it was the sun he should say that the school examiner was ' werry drunk.' "

Vermont's fat woman, Mrs Albert Smith, of Rochester, died recently, he weight being over 400 pounds, and the coffin in which she was buried was as wide as an express waggon. Faith, hope, and charity are the ornaments of: every well regulated person, and the honest family physician is the best friend of mankind. In the hour of sickness, and tormenting paiDs, what so grateful to the poor suffering patient as a remedy at hand that can subdue his distress and restore tranquility. " Giioli-aii's Gkeat Indian Cures" have the most beneficial effect in reaching and correctiug all the ordinary disorders of the human body. They are decisive in their notion and invigoraiing to the constitution. They can be had of all Chemists, where see the numerous reliable testimonials received by the proprietor. Adyick to MornEßß !— Are you broken in your rest bv a sick child suffering with the pain of cutting teeth? Go nt once to a chemist, and gefc a bottle of Mrs. Winelo-Br's Soothing Syrup. It will relieve tbe poor sufferer imniedlutely. It is pet feefcly harmless ami pleaaint to taste. It produce* natural quiet fcleep. by relieving the child from pain, and' the little cherub awakes " as bright as a button." It sootbes the child, it softena the guim, allays all piin, relieves winii, regulates the bowels, and ia the best known remedy for dysentery and dianbcei, whether arising from uelhhiff or other causes Sold e-verj where at is. l»d. per bottle Manufactory, 49'} Oxford-street. London. . Flobiline !— For the Teeth and Breath.— A fe* drops of the liquid "Floroline" spriakled on a wet tooth-brush produce a pleasant lather, which thoroughly cleanses the teeth from ail purasites and impurities, har<]en9 the gum9, prevents tartar, stops deeKy, gives to the teeth a pecui ar pearly whitenets, and a dtlightful fragrance to the breath. It removes all nnpUasant odor arising from decayed teeth or tobacco smoke. "The Fragrant Fioriline," being coiapoaed in part of honey and sweet herbs, iB delicious to the t»3te, and the greatest toilet discovery of" the age. Sold everywhere at 2b. Cd. Prepared by Henry C Gallup. 493 Oxford-stnet London. 1019 Valuable Discovery fob thb Uair. — If your hair is turning grty or white, or falling off, use •< The Mexican Hair Renewer," for it will vositively restore in every case Grey ojt White hair to its original color, without leaving the disagreeable smell of most • Restorers.' It makes the hair charmingly beautiful, as well cs promoting the growth of the hair on bald epots where the glands are not decayed. Ask your nearest chemist for •' The Mexican Hair lienewer," prepared by Henry C. Gallup, 493, Oxford-street, London, and sold everywhere at 3s. 6d. per bottle. »io