ADVANCE AUSTRALIA!

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIII, Issue 209, 12 October 1878, Page 5

ADVANCE AUSTRALIA!

[Under this head Punch, in (he number for August 10, has the following regarding the Australian Cricketers, preceded by a comic sketch of the whole team mounted on a kangaroo.] " They are coming up, Master." cried Toby in a fever of excitement, "the entire Eleven." " They are heartily welcome," replied Mr Punch, with one of his most graceful bowe, as the Ambassadors from the Antipodes, with Spoffortb, Boyd, and the Bannermann Brother?, at their heal, entered the sanctum. "Be seated, my dear boys," exoiaimed Mr Punch cordially. The eleven sun-burnt heroes looked at one another and smiled. ... "We will sit down with pleasure," said the spokesman, "but our favorite practice is to make a stand. You should see us at Lord's. "I have seen you both at Lords and Commons," returned Mr. Punch with enthusiasm. ''Ibave seen you north, south, east, and west ; I have seen you all round — a splendid team ! Australia may well bs proud of you, and England too, as branches of the British willow, though grown at the Antipodes." " 3'm, I don't koow," answered tfie ■-. spokesman ; "we ar3 pretty well, but, there are lots as good or better wh'ere^ we come from. Still, I thiu£ wer have given you a fair taste of the CornBtalk." " Before or behind the wickets, in the field — every where— as the artfullest bowlers or the best of bats, — you are simply magniQcent! " "Oh, no. we are not !" continued the spokesman, with modest pride. " As you may have Been by reading the report of the speeches at the dinner the other night, we don't consider ourselves by any means the top twigs of the Australian willow. Bat; as 1 1 say, we are pretty well, and quite capable of teaching our grandmother — if not your own Alma Mater — 'a thing or two." "Ah! Cambridge was rather too much ior you, but think what an Eleven it was ! You should have tackled them at the beginning instead of the end of your campaign, but never mind that. Don't be put out," Baid Mr Punch, good naturediy. " We never are," except after a long innings," retorted the spokesman, " Still," we don't think you quite understand us. Now, air, you are certainly the bast informed man in the Old Country." 11 Undoubtedly," replied Mr Punch, who never flinches from tha truth. " Well, sir, what do you know about Australia ? Now don't look it out in the Encyclopaedia Britannica, but tell us ofi-band." 11 Australia is a magnificent country," returned Mr Punch with enthusiasm. Then he added, with a little hesitation, *' and it's famous far all BGits of things." "What things?" " Ob, gold, and Australian beef, and kangaroos and 'p°Bßums, wombats, and ornithorbyncusses, black swacs, blackfellows, and bushrangers, and ~~— " then Mr Punch c*me to a full stop. " I thought bo," said the spokesman, with a smile, "your ideas of Australia are of the most Zoological Gardenisb character. Are you aware, sir, that our cities are full of magnificent buildings? Are you aware, sir, that trade and commerce are nowhere mare prosperous than they are in our quarter of the globe ? Are yon aware, sir, that with ub all the learned professions are represented by the ablest men, and that our public schools and universities are patterns which might be imitated with advantage in every quarter of the globe ? Are you aware, air, that our Press is as free, as enterprising, and as respectable as the Press of Great Britain? Are you aware, sir, that " Stop, stop," interrupted Mr Punch "you are overwhelming me. Believe me, 1 am quite aware that Australia has taken gigantic strides in the march of civilisation, from the date of her first European settlement " " You are alluding to Botany Bay, air." "Not at all, not at all," returned Mr Punch, quickly. "'But we accept even the past of Botany Bay, Mr Punch" said the spokesman. "It is our boast that we currency- r olk have been so sound at the core that we hbva been able to absorb your convict refuse without contamination from its criminal leaven. After all, it is only what your old counr try ancestors did about a thousand years ago, when they took to absorbing Danish pirates Brat, and Norman cutthroats afterwards.' "Then, you know something of early English History." 11 1 should rather think we did! Even before it had the groan light thrown upon it. What we complain of in the Mothftr Country U — that it's not nearly English enough to suit our tastes," "Come, com"/' remors roM Mr Punch. " Surely tSDgteßfi 'a'ses ttie lead in everything." " I like tbiit I" replied the i-p >ke?r man. " Wl/y, who (aught you ihn blessings of the Ballot Act ? Who taught you •?" '•Well, you may, peilnp-*, bo n little ahead of us in poliiiia," interrupted Mr Punch ', " but all social reforms begin io England," "You dare say thu', when you koow that Spiers and Pood rame from Australia. Ob, Mr Punch, we blush for you ! "

" Well, your hearts are in the right places, at any rate." "I should rather think they were! We love the Old Country. We know how to handle the oar — as Triokett has taught you— as well as the bat; and as for the rifle — should the time come . We don't want to fi ;ht; but, by Jingo " '"If we do,' dear boys, John Bull would rather, by a long chalk; rely on Australian Volunteer Riflemen than Indian Sepoys. But a truce to . all Jingoism; let us hope that is settled by the Berlin Treaty. Balieve me, dear boys, when I assure you that I love you co that I have had serious thoughts, on the invitation of a branch of tny family settled in Melbourne, to pay you a visit." " You had belter not; for it you came we should certainly keep you. And although your presence in Australia would be the climax of our triumph, we don't want to ruin the Mother Country right out." With this pretty compliment the Australian Eleven, after hearty handshakes all round, withdrew. 11 Our counterparts, though our Antipodes; and no blind side to them, big bats as they are," said Mr Punch. "No doubt about Iheir nationality. British Lions, every ona. Birds of a feather with thTolJ cock, "arij no mistake ! May they and their great, country, ofa still greater future, prosper! and miy ' Advance, Australia !' iong be the best description of her career, as well as the device of her escutcheon 1"