ODDS AND ENDS.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIII, Issue 201, 23 September 1878, Page 4

ODDS AND ENDS.

Mr Darwin holds that heaven's best boon to man is the baboon.

It is easier to believe an ill report than to enquira into the truth thereof. Eney or Difficult. — Nothing is more easy tliao to do mischief; nothing is more difficult than to suffer without complaining.

How to be happy.— lf you wish to be happy have a small house and a large balance at your banker'd; if you wish to be unhappy adopt the opposite plan.

"la your house a warm one, landlord ?" asked a gentleman in search of a house. "It ought to be," was the reply. " The painter gave it two coats recently." Quito Quick Enough. — The discovery has been made that the world does not revolve with the same motiou that it did a thousand years ago, but it still swings round fast enough to satisfy the man with a heavy bill coming due. It is astonishing how much one without money may give. A kind word, a helping hand — the warm sympathy with those who weep. No man is ao poor, do woman is so poor, as not to be able to contribute largely to the happiness of those about them. Sweet Revenge. — "'My. dear toy," said a mother to her sod, us Bbc handed round his plate for more turkey, l 4 this is the fourth time you've been' helped!" " I know, mother," replied the' boy ; " but that turkey picked at me once, and I want to get square with him." He got hia turkey, Frieads and Enemies, — To live with our enemies as if they might one day be our friende, and to live with our friends as if they might become our enemie?, is neither according to the nature of haired, nor in accordance with the rulea of friendship. It is not a moral, but really a political maxim. A herculean Yankee, from the lumber districts of Maine, on paying his bill in a London restauraof, was iutormed that the amount paid didn't, include the waiter. " Wnl," ho roareJ, "what ef it don't ? I didn't eat any waiter, did I?" And be glared at the attendants so ferociously that they precipitately left him to go his way in peace. "It is a pity," said o Frenchman in the presence of an Englishman at the French Exposition, " that France should get up a revolution every eighteen years.' "No," said the Englishman, " for if France had not had so many revolutions since this century commenced, she would have been rich enough to buy the whole of Europe." Burlington Hawkeye : Young lady, in a railway car (excitedly) — " Conductor, this man you have put in this seat with me has insulted me ?" Conductor (grandly) — " The scoundral, what has he done, miss ? ' Young lady (indignantly) — " He went to sleep." Howls of derision and wrath from the passengers. He is put out.