STEAMING A COLD.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIIL, Issue 200, 21 September 1878, Page 4

STEAMING A COLD.

Mr Dodge suffering from a severe cold, taken while in discharge of a pleasant duty, viz., taking his wife's mother to the poor - bouse. The various remedies for cold had been faithfully administered to the sufferer, yet he experienced no relief. Ho had been catsiped, mustard plastered, paregoriced, pork-drafted, cider and peppered, goose- peppered, goose-oiled, and compositioned, till his anatomy was as tender as a boy's first boil. His bugle peal had been beard far and near, lie had blown the filling out of a dozen cambric handkerchiefs, sneezed till he broke bis false teeth, bit his tongue, and made as much fuss when he coughed as a dog choked wifh grass. And now bis wife resolved to give him a rum sweat. So she went up to the attic, and brought down a great lumbering chair with a big hole in the bottom. Getting it into positioa, she took a plate and set it under the chair. She then brought in a comfortable, and Jed in the victim who seated himself in the chair without a murmur. Then she asked him if he bad anything to say why she should proceed with the operation. He answered no, said he was innocent, shook hands with her, and told her to do her duty, and then with a look of resignation closed his eyes and calmly awaited his fate. Mrs Dodge then eveloped him in the comfortable, leaving only only his face exposed. Pouring some rum on the plate, she ignited the fluid and waited the result. It was three o'clock when she touched off the rum. One minute past tbree there was a slight contraction of the patients legs, and sbrugging of the shoulders. Two minutes past, his eyes began to rell uneasily. Three minutes paet and he commenced to beat time with his ieet. Four minutes past, his respiration was greatly accelerated. Five minutes, be gave vent to a succession of short grunts, and his face had assumed the colour of a boiled lobster. Then Mrs Dodge saw that the rum was nearly burnt out, eo she told him be must keep quiet and bear it five minutes longer — ten minutes w&s the rule, He told her he couldn't stand it any longer. She said he must, and went to the cupboard, got the bottle, and poured some more liquid on the plate- Immediately there was a blinding puff,tbe comfortable was thrown violently aside, and a half nude figure leaped from the chair, and shot through the room like a meteor, his nether garment one sheet of livid flame. There was a smell of burnt cotton, and a streak of blue smoke which marked the passage of the fiery body. Mrs Dodge smothered the flame on the plate, then went in search of her patient. She found the back door open, and going into the yard, failed to discover her husband \t\\\ (she saw something bobbing up and down in the swill barrel. He bad jumped into the first cool place he could find. All that was left of his shirt was a piece round his neck ; and this looked like a continental collar bound with black edging. Mrs Dodge told him it was her mistake, and his treat ; she had poured turpentine on the plate instead of rum ; she couldn't help it, the bottles looked so much alike. Then she told him to get out of the barrel, and go into the hen-coop, where the hens would pick him over. But Mr Dodge wouldn't. She got him to get out of the barrel, cleaned him, carded his hair, brushed the coffee grounds out of his whiskers, gave him a clean shirt, and sent him to bed. Mr Dodge slept well through the night, but arose'earlierthan usual in the morning, and was quite ( busy for a time out in tbe yard. After breakfast, Mrs Dodge thought she would carry tbe chair back into tbe attic, but on looking for it could not fied it. Thinking, perhaps, Mr Dodge might have carried it upstairs, sbe thought no more about it; until sbe went to the woodpile for some wood. Then ehe knew why Dodge pot up so early in the morning. The chair furnished kindling wood for a fortnight. — Daribury Macs.