NEW THINGS.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIII, Issue 165, 10 July 1878, Page 4

NEW THINGS.

We don't like to be irreverent, but "would like to ask— What did our forefathers know ?' What for instance, did George Washington know? He never saw a Bteamboat, he never saw a mail train ; he never held his ear to a telephone ; he never sat for his picture in a photographic gallery ;he never reoeived ft telegraphic dispatch ; be never sighted a Krupp gun j he never heard tbe pbizz of an electric pen ; he never saw a pretty girl run a sewing machine; he never saw a self-propelling engine go down the street to a fire ; be never heard of evolution ; he never took laughing gaß ; he never had a set of store teeth ; he never attended an international exhibition ; be never owned a Bonanza mine j he never knew " Old Prob.; " be—but why go on ? No ; when he took ao excursion, it was in a flat-boat ; when he went off on a train it was a mule train. When he wanted to talk to a man in Milwaukee he had to go there. When he wanted bis picture taken it was done in profile with c piece of black paper end a pair of shears. When he got in the returnß from back counties they had. to be brought in by a man with an ox-cart. When be took aim at the enemy he bad io trust, to a crooked-barrelttfd old flintlook. When he wrote it was with a goose-quill. When he bad anything to mend his grandmother did it with a darning-needle. When be went to a fire be stood in a line and passed buckets. When he looked ata clam be never dreamed it was any relation of his. When he. went, to a concert he beard a cracked fiddle nnd an insane clarionet. When he had a tooth pulled be sat down and'neyer left off yelling. When he got out of teeth he mummed bis victuals. When he wanted an international show he sent for Lafayette, and ordered his friend up from Old Virginia with the specimen carefully labelled in bottleß. When he once got hold of a nugget of gold from an Indian chief, he felt rich. When be wanted to know anything about tbe weather, he consulted the ground hog or the goose-bone, When —but why go on ? What did such a man know ? Who was he, anyway ?