Untitled

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIII, Issue 38, 13 February 1878, Page 4

A little story (old by the Austrian correspondent of the London Times is worth repeating. It seems thac nt Plevna thero have been repeated communications, not ouly between headquarters, but between the coraniumlprs afc the front. "Indeed, if we mny trust a letter of the 24th inst in the "Augsburger Allegraeine Zjiiun-:," from Deroirkoi, oorth of Ftevn-i, this mutual intercourse rau3t have assum-.i quite a chivalrous charaoser. Aiording to this writer, General Gourko sent a moat courteous letter to the galUm defender of Plevna, accompanied by several numbers of the Times coniaieing reflections on the inevitable fall of the town, and on the uessessary surrender of the beleaguered army. Tho brave Osmaa, on hia part, while returning^his best thanks for the favour, acknowledged the importance of being made acquainted with the peril of Plevna by a jounrnal of euch wide renowu as the Times, adding that if he •were not too much engaged, the copious matter contained ia its columns wouid afford him welcome reading for the long winter evenings."

The Turks on the horns of a dilemma is illustrated by " Gelert" in the Times of India London lett _r : — " Wbat is to become of the unhappy Turks ? Mr Gladstone and his lot insist that they shall be driven bag and baggage out of Europe, whilst tho Russians are evidently bent on driving them out of Asia. Whither are they to betake themselves then ? The dilemma reminds me of one suggested by a sailor on board one of Her Majesty's ships to an- old post captain whom I knew. The captain met .him coming on board drunk, and addressing him sternly said, " What do you mean sir, by being drunk on board ship? I won't have it sir.- And Ihear^ besid-eB, that you've been drunk on shore. I won't have it sir." The inebriated tar steadied himself for a moment, and looking the captain full in the faoe, hiccoughed out, ' Well if a man mayn't get drunk on board and mayn't get drunk on shore, where tbe blank is he to get drunk?' "

A whoop-bang sort of boy; witfo-feet as broad and flat as a pan-tin, trotted through the Central Market yesterday till he reached a stall kept by a single woman about thirty years old; Halting there, he yelled out : " Say !say I little your boy- has been run over and killed up at the City Hall 1" "Oh ! oh ! Heavens— oh I oh-— 1" she screamed as Bhe made a dive under the counter, came up on the outside, and started to follow the boy. After going ten feet she halted, looked very foolish all of a sudden, and remarked : " What a goose I am ! Why, I ain't even married !"

The following is the way the New South Wales Government do things. Tbe Town and Oountry says : — A correspondent writes : " On the Richmond line, at one of the slations near Windsor a pane of glass is broken. A report of this event is made in das form, and by the proper authority. After the paper or papers have passed through the usual and circuitons course in the Sydney office, the officer st Sydney is made acquainted with the fact, and is sent up to report upon the same. On his return, this offioer reports to the proper authority iv Sydney that the event is true, that the glass is broken, and that it is a proper and legitimate expenditure of public money to have the glass put in. Some day following this report having bsen made, a man is sent to take the measurement. It was out of the province of No. 1 reporting officer to measure the pane ; his officer was merely to report. No 2 messenger having returned to Sydney, reports as to the size of (he glass required, and on some future day returns to effect the necessary repairs. We are not told whether the man took up enough putty, and all the required tools. If a casualty of this kind occurred, a fourth day would be consumed in the putting in of one pane of glass in Ihe service, and under the direction of the government. One would like to know the cost of such work as this. The official report No, 1 will cost at least 12s 6d one day. The workman's one day, spent in measuring the glass, wiil cost at least 8s more—in all 20s 6d. Then there is the cost of the glaes, putty, and six rides up and down to and from Windsor and Sydney, together with pen, ink, paper and sundries. What private firm could stand such officialism, and waste and robbery ?"

The Bank of New Zealand have purchased extensive premises in Pitt-street, Sydney, at present occupied by the docter for the Mutual ProTident Society, for £25,000.

During the recent conjuring performance of Herr Basch at Kcenigsberg, a gentleman rose in the body of the hall and addressed the conjuror as follows:— "Herr Basch, your next trick, as I see from the programme, is to make a person disappear who is pointed out to you. There sits my runaway spouse with her paramour. Pray make them disappear." The lady turned alternately pale and red, and the couple left amid the roaring laugfcher of the public.

Once upon a time it so happened that two men (being equally sick) having a wonderful sympathy for each other — for both were suffering from that torturing malady, Gout ! —hobbled along together, usiug at short intervals those pious ejaculations, which gouty folk are apt to use, when oue of them, espying the placard of " Ghollah's Gkbat Indian Cukes," said that he had heard so good an account of these medicines, he would certainly try them, afc which his companion laughed heartily. The other, however, procured the medicine and got cured. Which of the two can afford to laugh most- ?— Testimonial : "Dunediu. 20th October, 1876.— The Proprietor of Ghollah's Great Indian Cures.— Sik,— l think it my duty to state that I have derived the most extraordinary benefit from the use of your Rheumatism Mixture. I had been suifering from severe neuralgic pains in my head of a very severe description for years, and could get no relief until I tried your Indian mediciue. lam happy to state that I am now qnitr* free from thu pains, and completely restored to health. I used, altogether, about twelve bottles of the Rheumatism Mixture. I can certainly strongly recommend it to oihers.— (yiimed^ Makia Edited."