"POOR" NELSON.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIII, Issue 5, 5 January 1878, Page 2

"POOR" NELSON.

I i Some little explanation may, perhaps, be required of the reason why my periodical letter appears to-day under a different title from that which I have hitherto adopted. I will give it in a very few lines. Ever siuce we were married, Mrs F. and myself have made it a rule to cosily spend the evening of New Year's Day together at home, to chat over the events of the past year, and to consult a3 to our prospects in that which is before us. Tuesday last was no exception to our rule, and as the principal subject which came under discussion wa3 of a aemi-public nature, I have decided.to-day to devote the column 1 usually assigned to me on Saturdays to a reproduction of the substance ot our conversation. We had spent . the 'day at the Caledonian Sports, from which we returned a lithe tired and weary. Refreshed by our tea, We took bur, seats in the verandah,;* and— fa little, timidly I confess, for Mrs Fi is strongly attached to.Nelson — thus did I commence: — "Well, old lady; I have made up my mind at last that we must clear out of Nelson and begin life anew in some more prosperous town. Wherever Igo I hear the same 3tory. Among all my -friends and acquaintances, the' theme of (Conversation is invariably the same. Put shortly it amounts to this— The place is going to the dogs ; it is in a 'state of impeciinidaity ; business men call out about «. the slackness of the times ; church-going" people say that,' poorly as their parsons are paid, ./there is a difficulty in raising -iM amounfe due to them quarterly wjith the requisite regularity. ;-, ask -a man for a subscription, and he will tell you that he really can't afford it, the times are so dull ; iin fact, go where you will, the scarcity of money is invariably brought before you either'directly or indirectly. I'm tired of this, and so you must get ready to be off at a day's notice." Then spoke Mrs F.:— " This is not the first time you have broached this; subject, conse'fluently.you have., npt altogether taken me by surprise, but I.must say that I am not a little astonished to hear a man, not ; usually • wanting in common sense, talking in so' absurd a strain. You know perfectly well that your grumblings are almost entirely without foundation, but if you want me to prove this to you, just let me ask— Were you at the distribution of prizes to the Government schools at the Provincial Hall the other day? You were? Well, did you see any symptoms of starvation or poverty there ? Were the children so miserably clad, or, did they in any way, present such an appearance as to render them objects of pity ? You don't answer, and, really, I don't wonder at your silence, but let me go on. You were at the regatta ? Did you see there any individuals who looked as though they wanted your charity ? At the Sports to-day the young fellows looked so impecunious, didn't they now ? The girls were so shabbily dressed, weren't they? The poor little dears of children who were wheeled on to the ground in their luxurious perambulators were so thin, and pale, and emaciated as to remind you of the pictures one sees of the unhappy victims of the Indian famine. Didn't you think so now? Why don't you answer me?" I did not tell her so, but the fact is that when Mrs F. becomes ironical I begin to get a little afraid of her, and so I thought it was -best to let her have her say out, and I merely replied- " You have selected some very favorable instances so far as your side of the question is concerned, but, I do assure you that there is more poverty in the place than you are at all aware of."— MraF • " Poverty indeed, you talk a great deal about it, but you never attempt to show me where it exists, and I defy you to do so now. yes, Mr F. I defy you to do so. And then you talk about going elsewhere. Let me ask where would you go that you would be happier, more easy in your circumstances, or more at your ease? Go to Wellington? What's house rent there, what are the manners and customs of the people? Dare you walk on Lambton Quay with a coat that showed the slightest signs of being the worse for wear? Would you like to be seen there without kid gloves? You know you would'nt. And for another reason I should be sorry to see you located there. Your pipe is always a solace to you, and there is nothing I like better than to see you enjoying it. But you could'nt smoke it there, for it would'nt be considered respectable, and so you would be compelled to take to the cigar, which I.know you so much dislike." Now, with my recollections of the allusions that on previous occasions had been made by the same speaker to " that nasty pipe to which you appear, to be devoted," lam compelled to say that I regarded this expression 'of. dread lest any violent change should' be wrought in my smoking habits as a 1 — well I will call it, a poetical license. Still it seemed to me to display something, of a thoughtful regard for my comfort, and I was correspondingly softened. Perceiving this Mrs'F. w.enton:^"From your manner of late I have been Hither expecting an outbreak, of this kind from you, and therefore I have been'preparing myself to combat your statements as to the tmpecuniosity " — there was a world of meaning in the, emphasis she gave to the word—" of Nelson. I have been hunting up the Evening Mails for the last year to see what this impecunious Nelson can afford to spend on other things besides the necessities of life." Thereupon the good lady proceeded to take oiit of her apron pocket a lot of little crumpled pieces of paper. Pressing these with both hands upon her knee in order to take the crease 3 out of them she handed them to me one by one requesting that I would write them down on a clean sheet of paper " just as if they were goiner into a newspaper," and place over them the words Expenditure on Pleasure and Charity. £ Caledonian Sports (admission fees 187?) 102 Regatta (January) 402 Races „. g2 Horticultural Shows (admission fees) mm 7i Regatta (December) . ... ... 60 Motueka Relief Fund 839 Queen Bee Relief Fund 669 Indiau Famine Fund 422 The bottom of the pocket being reached, she said with somewhat of an air of triumph, ''There, that's whafc poor poverty-stricken Nelson spent upon pleasures and extraordinary charities last year. Just add it up and tell me what it comes to." Glancing over the figures I said I didn't exactly know, but it looked to me to be getting on for £3000. "Three thousand pounds upon matters of this kind! Now Mr F. be good enough to come to your senses, and to stop j talking such nonsense as you commenced with this evening." Somehow or other as ! Mrs F. assumed the imperative I found myself gradually drifting into the impotential mood. [Note: No mention of this mood is made in Murray's English Grammar. This, however, does not prove its non-existence, but merely that Murray was not married. J Mrs F. perceived her advantage, appeared to think that she had ' secured a victory, and, was determined to convert it into q, rout, for, after a moment's pause she proceeded: '.' I have not done with figures yet Mr F.. Being deterr mined to put the whole matter before you (Gontinye4 on Foifrtb Pvge.)

{Continued from 2nd page?) in its true light, so I went yesterday to my friend Mr 1 Ashcroft for a little further information. I dare say he tho ( ugh,|; me a great bore, but he very kindly 'gave- me what I asked him for, and I'll trouble. you to take these down too:" FrotK another pocket came more rumpled pieces of paper, which after being submitted to the smoothing process we,re, placed in ray hands with the request' that I would write them down and head them PIrEASUJBE TfIAFEIO ' Off -EaIL- • ' TVAT. • ' " ' I £ I New Year's Day, 1877 ... 52 Anniversary Day ". . 66 . Good Friday ... ; ...: 35 Easter Monday 148 Queen's Birthday 50 Prince of Wales? Birthday 122 BoxiugDay ... > -... 105 "Now, Mr <F.,' will you be good enough- to- turn to account your arithmetical knowledge bo far as to ascertain what is the aggregate of those amounts ?" There was a touch of sarcasm about the good old lady's tone and manner that was not a little irritating, and what" Vexed me still more was that I felt conscious that she was getting the better of me in the argument,, so I hastily replied, « Oh, I don't know, a lot of money, £600 perhaps." « Yes, Mr ' F.,' it is a lot of money as you say, and yet you mean to tell" me that the place that can afford to spend such sums upon such purposes is im-pe-cunious, do you ? Now confess that you are wrong, and promise me that you will give this "wretchedly poor" place another year's trial. You may affect to despise a woman's advice, but don't out of sheer obstinacy refuse to act upon it on this occasion. Come my dear old man what do you say? Why good gracious me, it has got quite dark while we have been, talking here, and. l haven't filled your pipe or mixed your evening glass of whisky and water yet, but I'll soon remedy that." It was a beautiful balmy night ; the stars shone ao brightly aud twinkled so merrily overhead that one could almost imagine they were wishing each other "A Happy New Year;" all the surroundings were so peaceful, so calm, : and so suggestive of contentment, and there was I comfortably seated in a well cushioned arm chair, one soft arm round my neck, and another holding temptingly before me a fragrant glass of toddy, while a persuasive voice pleaded in my ear "Come now, ' E. what do you say?" — Dear reader, what could I say? Need I tell you that I am solemnly pledged to bore you for at least another year with chose weekly letters which appear every Saturday over the signature of F.