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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XII, Issue 2, 28 November 1877, Page 2

Next to commercial travellers (says the G. R. Argus) the noble army of martyrs known as "agents" are individually and collectively possessed of about the largest amount of cheek which the human system is capable of carrying. And not the least distinguished in this respect is Mr R. S. Smythe, the forerunner of that Prince of lecturers, the Sev. Charles Clarke, who next week will make himself known to a Greymouth audience. " Little Smythe " can not only claim to be "the most travelled agent in the world," but the description *ould be in complete were he not to add "and the most impudent," as the following quotation from a letter addressed to a member of the staff of the Argus will shew—" Dear I was delighted to read the account of the accident you met with in the Malvern Coach, as I knew from it that you would arrive in Greymouth in time to enable you to do us all the good we could desire." '* Good wino wants no bush," but Mr Smythe evidently reads this in connection with tha axiom that recommeuds us to " leave no stone unturned," and oven in the overturning of a coach and au injury to an old friend he recognises the finger of Providence.

Au Auckland telegram to the Post says:— The police to-day created intense excitement amongst the hotelkeepers by the seizure of 231 unstamped pint and half-pint measures from seven hotels. When it became known that fcl*e police were making a tour, the publicans were on the move. Qne publican made a frantic rush between the cabs, but only to find that the men in blue were already in possession of his measures.

According to the Post the Education Bill may come to nothing after all. After tremendous fighting it emerged from the Lower House a very different measure from that which went in. Jt was again patched, and added to, and deducted from, in the Legislative Council. The back door was opened to religious education, and the appropriation clause (providing for the cost of education being paid by the State) was struck Qlifc. "Yesterday the bill was again referred to the Houseof Repres i eqtat|ves, anc{ the whole afternoon was spent in discussing it. Ultimately, by majorities of 43 to 13 $u<i 54 to 15, the House decided to "disagree" with the amendments made my the Opper House. Three '* managers," as they are fechnjjially called^Messra Sheehan, Bowen, and Montgomery— wepe appointed to meet a like number of gentlemen frqm' j;he Cquflql to decide what is to he dope under tlje circumstances, Each branch Of the Legislature appears determined to stick to its own opinion, and if no basis of common agreement can be found, the bill will fall to the gound between the proverbial two stools. It that case we shall h.ive the present unsatisfactory system in operation for another year, and then, in all probability, another long fight in Parliament flyer a nqw tjill. Mr Holloway, tyte editor of the Ifaikata Timet, was fortunate enough to buy Chester in Miller's £20qo Melbourne sweep. Hp gave the drawer £5 for it in Melbourne. But now the provoking part comes iv. He left it with a friend pn thp other side, with instructions fo selj if he could get a certain price. To this day he does not know whether the ticket is sold or not; and, as may be expected, is rather anxious to learn whether he is entitled to the £1000 prize or not. ™ When a Brooklyn boy sees a young lady who has improved upon nature by the application of art. and whose face is a picture fresh from the hand of the painter, he nudges his companion, and shrewdly exclaims • "Jim, she's only a chromo." The niece of a peer has just married the son of a road laborer, who had succeeded in raising himself to the position of a banker's olerk. T£e scene of the alliance was a tiertain anoient little town in the west of Lancashire*' , , , ..,.'!''

The Melbourne Argus complains that its specml telegrams from Europe, for which it has lately paid as much as £80 in one day, are delayed to allow shorter messages to come through. And yet some people say that in war times newspaper proprietors make more money than in times of peace.. If they will reckon up how many extra threepences it will take to reimburse the Aryus Jfor £80 worth of special telegrams in one day, they will have some idea of the state of the debtor and creditor account when balanced up.

Eabbits are a nuisance on sheep run 3, bufc in one case mentioned in the Lyttelton limes, it would appear that the cure is as bad as, if not. worse than, the disease. Mr Saunders, writing to that journal says:— On baturday night a ferret belonging to one of my sons escaped from its box, and spent the mght in feasting on chickens' brains. It killed 15 Buff Cochins, eight gold-pencilled Hamburghs, all his white Cochins and colored Dorkings, and a light Brahma and white Dorking hen, both imported. The chickens were so tame and accustomed to be handled that they allowed themselves to be killed in their nests, and were laid in heaps in their coops^ These fowls had been well protected from bipeds, dogs, cats, rats, and all ordinary intruders by two vigilant imported fox terriers, but both of them had been taught not to molest a ferret. So they quietly watched the destruction of their charges, believing that a ferret like a king could do no wrong. At the dinner with which the new Mayor of Melbourne (Councillor Pigdon) celebrated his entry into office Sir George Bo wen, responding to the toast of "His Excellency the Governor," in the course of an admirable speech, observed: During the last twelve months I have entertained the Governors of all tha Australian colonies, and this year I invited the Governor of Madras, the Dake of Buckingham, aud the Governor of New Zealand (the Marquis of Normanby). (Cheers.) I regret very much that both were prevented from accepting the invitation by the exigencies of their respective governments. In the case of Madras by that lamentable famine— one of those famines of such frequent recurrence in India, and which Australia has recently contributed so nobly to alleviate— (cheers),— and in the case of New Zealand by one of those ministerial cnses-(laughter)— which, like the famine in India, are of periodical occurrence— (much laughter)— even in these cooler and, one mi | ht suppose, less excitable latitudes. She Spoke too Soon.— A young lady whose personal charms gave her the right to be disagreeable was present a few days ago at a party, during which quarrels between husband and wife were discussed. " I think," said an unmarried elder son who was present, « that the proper thing is for the husband to have it out at once, and thus avoid quarrels for the future. I would light a cigar in the carriage after the wedding breakfast, and settle the smoking qaestion for ever." "I would knock the cigar out of your mouth " interrupted the belle. "Do you know, I dont think you would he there," quietly remarked the elder son.