BUSINESS PUFFS BY THE WAY

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XII, Issue 82, 9 April 1877, Page 4

BUSINESS PUFFS BY THE WAY

We know of no paper that illustrates -more faithfully the peculiar vein of humor which runs through American literature than the San Francisco News , Leiter* la this unique publication political satire, caustic pereonalities, scoffs at the powers that be, smart generalities, Yankee witticisms,: c and puffs of every shade — from the direct to the oblique — fiad trenchant .[.expression. The art of puffery finds in it an original exponent, as may be judged from the following specimens of the way in which it renders the quid pro quo. Names are, of course suppressed. Csß3ar conquered the world, but he i could not hit a fly on his nose three ,- trees in five any more than the rest of s tis. ; Any man can perform the feat, however, if be drinks the peerless, tjr.rkewine sold by —— , at. 10 and 12: Jones' Alley. It steadies the nerves; * and promotes longevity. An ugly wart is a difficult thing to get off one's hands. An ugly daughter still more difficult. The best way,: however, to get the latter off is to have: her photographed at- — . Their convex: photos and other, new styles bring out; all the latent beauties of the homeliest face. -.'-■■ ■ ■■ • <-• "If you want fun," remarked old: Smilas, leaning over the gate and digging the gravel with his bare toes, " you ought to see my wifa dig taters when she's tearin' mad;" and so, if you want perfectly pure and unadulterated liquors of the best brands, you ought to go to , Front-street. A servant girl the other morning tried : that good old time-honored .plan of lighting the kitchen fire with kerosine. Nothing has benzine of her since. The most elegant gaa fixtures in the world may be procured at — — , on Mont : •gomery-street. ,| At a party, while a young lady was playing with peculiar brilliancy of touch a bystander bachelor exclaimed, " I'd 'give the world for those fingers!'' "•Perhaps you might get the whole ■ ■hand by asking," said the young lady's ' •observant mamma. He did, and he fitted up his parlbrg with beautiful: furniture, such as can only be obtained . at—^-Bash-street. \ '-■ : Gentlemen who smoke allege that it ■ makes them calm and complacent. • The more they fume the less they fret. \ They would never fret or pine either . if they only imbibed genuine " Old : Cutter " Whisky. If there is any one ■ go ignorant as to be unaware of the fact ; let him learn that the sole agent for i this magnificent brand is our general iff iend - — - Jackson-street, One of the Butler county, Pensylyania, prisoners has an accordion in gsol, and another has a baby, and an inmaleof the institution) who is charged with murder, and hath no music in his j eoul, offers to plead guilty if they will hang him next week. If the poor fellow could only hear the tone of the Hallet & Davis piano he would alter his opinion. — — is the agent, Ssnsomestreet. A horse's teeth tell how old the Creature is, bat a woman's tongue does'nt. Any fool can tell that one tin' of condensed egg* is equal to one dozen eggs in shell. It makes excellent custard ice cream, capital cake and pudding and is equal to the fresh egg for all cooking purpose?. All grocers'keep the article, and the agency is at , California street. A person was told that three yards of cloth, by being wetted, would shrink one quarter of a yard. " Well, then," he inquired, ''if you wet a quarter of a yard; would there be any left ?" He would not have asked such a question if he bought his clothes at the store of •i " ', corner of Washington and Sanflome streets, where all goods are carefully shrunk before being made up. If you are a very precise man, and wish to be certain of what you get never marry a girl named Ann, for we have the authority of the best grammarians that ''An is an indefinite ! article." No one dare, however, say such a thing of the glorious English muffins which are to be found at 's Bakery, on Sutter street, above Kearny. It is the place par excellence where a gentleman takes a lady to lunch.