THE WEEK.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XII, Issue 81, 7 April 1877, Page 2

TH E WEE K .

.. My last week's letter was written. under rather depressing circumstances. The fiower of .Nelsou's mauhood was away at Richmond camped out in a cold damp field, ard there was a possibility of serious casualties occuring, the vei'7 least that might bo expected feeing that colds and coughs would be rife for some time to .come. lam pleased, however to be able to state that the Volunteers have returned to town sound in wind and limb and altogether highly pleased with their three or four days outing. Thp most serious accident of which I have heard happened to an officer who was rudely disturbed about two o'clock in the morning by the officer of the guard entering his tent, touching him ou the shoulder, and uttering the mystic words "Grand rounds, Sir." "Grand rounds be " (suddenly recollecting what and where he was at the time) " All right, Sir, I'll be there in a minute." Getting up, and in his haste thrusting his right foot through that portion of his trousers destined to receive his left leg and making a similar mistake with the other one, he sallied forth from his tent bewailing the cruel fate that roused him from his slumbers at that unearthly hour, and scarcely waa he outside than one foot became entangled in the ropes, the immediate conse qnence of which was that his nose came in rough contact with a tent peg. Then did there pour forth from his lips a volume of powerful language (and he can use it when he likes), the last expression of opinion being that they might call these " grand rounds" it thev liked, but what thews was grand about them fie couldn't sec. And under the' circumstances I am not surprised at it I wonder what they will siy in other parts of the colony ivjiezi they read that little bit '

of sly sarcasm in the Reviewing Officer's address to the .Volunteers on Monday last, when he warned those to whom he was speaking that proficiency in rifle shootiug was not to be attained by a few days' spurt ' any more than it was in cricketing or boating. I say in " other parts of the colony," because I am well aware that the remark was in no way applicable to us iu Nelson, i where, if we are going to play a cricket match with outsiders, we always steadily devote ourselves to practice, and would no more think of sending an eleven or twenty | two who have not played together before into the field than we would of attempting to fly. With regard to rowing, too, we would be the last to get together a lot of first-class boat3 and allow them to lie idle in their shed for months together for want of men to pull in them. I repeat that lam curious to learn how " the Major's " remarks are received elsewhere in New Zealand. One of the principal events of the week has been the arrival of an immigrant ship, and a lively time those on board appear to have had of it. What between the doctor finding fault with the captain and the captain retaliating on the doctor, and each of the squabblers being backed up by a little array of friends and supporters, those 107 days spent on board the Northampton must have formed a pleasant epoch in the lives of the passengers. But the origin of the disagreement i3 perhaps one of the most ab - surd features in the case. If I am rightly informed it arose out of a misunderstanding as to which of the two, the captain or the doctor,, was the proper officer to conduct divine service on Sunday. Imagine two men quarrelling on the question which, of them should lead and which should follow in offering up a prayer to their Creator that he would . deliver them from " envy, hatred, malice; and all uucharitableness." It strikes me that there could not have been much sincerity about that prayer, whosever were the lips from which it first proceeded. I have made up my mind once and for all that never again will I attend an auction sale, for whenever I do I invariably get taken in. I was despatched by my better half the other day to one which was taking place in the neighborhood, with instructions to purchase a feather bed, of which we were sadly in need. Arriving before the " lot " in which I> -ffas interested came to the hammer, I : listened to what was going on. A pair of pistols were being offered for sale, but the bidding was rather slack until the auctioneer, acting upon a hint given by the seller, stated that they had at one time belonged to Oliver Cromwell. Thereupon the bidding became fast and furious, and ultimately the aged weapons were knocked down to a dignitary of the church. The next lot was another pair of "shooters," and these the auctioneer, who saw and appreciated the value attached to old relics, assured us had also been the property of the same distinguished gentleman, and further that they were the identical weapons with which he had shot at Charles I. Thereupon bid followed bid iu quick succession, and I, getting sucked in by the whirlpool of excitement which prevailed, found myself nodding and winking at a tremendous rate until eventually I became the purchaser of the pistols for precisely the price I had been ordered to pay for the featherbed. On taking possession I found that one of them would not go off, but on making a complaint to this effect I was told it was entirely owing to that defect that Oliver had missed the King, which historical fact I need hardly say largely enhanced the value of my purchase in my eyes. Still, I confess that it was not without certain misgivings that I returned home with a pair of pistols iu the place of a feather bed, for Mrs JT. is a little capricious in her temper. However, knowing that she is a bit of an autiquavian, I made up a nice little speech which, as I let it off, I could see was producing the desired effect, and lam convinced that everything would have been right but for a trifling oversight on ray part. At the conclusion of my introductory remarks, in which I informed her of the treasure I had procured, I hastened to hand the pistols to. her, but was immediately met with a look of withering scorn and au exclamation that I shall nover forget—- 5 Well, Mr I?., I always thought you were a bit of a flat, but I didn't believe you were such a fool. Were there, I should like to ask, revolvers in Oliver Cromwell's time?" It's all bosh, that talk ahqut educating women more highly } they fenoyf too much for us men as Jt is.. Your Worship the Mayor, Messieurs the City Councillors, and Mr Inspector of Nuisauces—You have repeatedly been compelled to listen to complaints regarding the horrible stencli that arises from the mouth of the sewer near the Post Office, and in scientific terms and phrases you have been warned of the deleterious effects that are likely to be produced by the noxious gases upon those exposed to their influence. I, too, heard of a complaint that was made the other day of the poisonous state of the atmosphere iu that locality. Not in scientific, but in the homeliest of language was it expressed, nor could there be any doubt as to the honesty of him from whom it came. He was a little fellow he. tween two or three years of age, who had the misfortune to he wheeled that" way "in his perambulator. • Q'n approaching the savory spot he was observed for some moments to be restless and uneasy, until at last he oculd bear it no longer, and, jamming his little fist I hard against his little nose, he turned round to his nursemaid and exclaimed, "Oh, 'Liza ■ what a 'tink!" When unsophisticated babes aud sucklings unite with men of science in the outcry against this nuisance there surely must be something wrong. Won't you trv to remedy it? V