THE "NATIVE DIFFICULTY" AND THE TURKISS BATHS.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XI, Issue 263, 4 December 1876, Page 4

THE "NATIVE DIFFICULTY" AND THE TURKISS BATHS.

(Auckland Herald). On Saturday afternoon we paid a visit to Mr Sykes' Turkish Baths, Upper Queen-street, and were pleased to observe that his spirited venture is being largely patronised by the public. Nothing succeeds like succes, and Mr Sykes is now " putting through " over a hundred visitors a week, or between five and six thousand persons per annum. At the period of our visit the patients were, by a singular coincidence, principaliy newspaper men, and a cumber of other persons were patiently waiting their turn, utterly anable to reach the tepidarium, like Zacebajus of old, " because of the < press." A week's dabbling in the mire of local politics no doubt makes the former class glad to avail themselves of the earliest opportunity at the cloee of the week, of " sloughing." The scene at this particular juncture was a solemn and impressive one, for Mr Sykea was just in the act of solving the '• native difficulty," having got hold of a Maori chief, and "run him in" to the bath, passing the blueblooded rangatira triumphantly through the mysteries of the tepidarium, sudatorium, and frigidarium, — subsequently letting him out of a side door clothed, and in bis right mind." It came about in this wise.— An officer of the Native Lands Court, suffering from chronic asthma, had been induoed to try a course of the baths, the result being his complete cure from that distressing complaint. • Converts are usually enthusiastic, and the gentleman in question was not slow to proclaim the virtues of the Turkish Baths. Meeting I his friend, Hamiora (Samuel) Ngaropi, a Wfsleyan Native Minister, stationed in the WaikatOj be easily persuaded the reverend gentleman to accompany him to Mr Sykes' establish- ! ment. Hamiora did not express bis surprise at what he saw there — a Maori is rarely surprised at anything, and would at the setting in of the millennium with unqutckehed pulse. While undergoing the "sweating" process Hamiora entered into a theological discussion with his Mentor, and, drawing upon his ample store of Scripture imagery, said " the whole concern reminded him of the Pool of Siloam, where the angel was wont to ' trouble toe waters,' and the people rushed to be healed." As Mr Sykes, and bis attendant genius, "John," had been troubling the waters for Hamiora's especial benefit, by the medium of the douche, his delicate compliment miy be safely divided between them, unless, indeed, Hamiora has mistaken "the color of the angel. On adjourning to the frigidarium, Hamiora, turbaned'and sheeted, was directed to a couch on which to repose, and where, inhaling the fumes of his favorite pipe — with a cup of genuine Mocha, on a dainty salver eteaaiing at his elbow — a beam of tranquil joy stole over his tattoed vUaga which would have excited the eavy of a Chinese opium-eater.- He summed up the whole affair as Kapai t tine pai rawa! ((he highest torm of Maori , approval) — it had renewed bis youth and taken ten years off his age. Leaving the establish' ment, to quote his own phraseology, "a new creature," Hamiora gambolled down the street as frisky as a kitten. While "cavortio' around," in order to reduce the wonderful elasticity of body which he felt, he fell in, as luck would have it, with a fellow-conntryman, the wull-koown Ngatimahanga chief, 'J'e JRewiti Waikato, of Whatawhata, to whom he communicated with au infinity of pantomimic gestures, the startling intelligence that be bad just come out of Paradise, up the street. Rewiti's gieat brown eyes dilated with amazement, and after sundry snorts aud exclamations of Auwe I he just " went ior" Mr Sykes's premises with seven leagued boots. One of the visitors at the baths interpreted to Mr Sykes, Eewiti's desire to be put into the " hot piuoe " where Hamiora had just been rejuvenated, and his wish was duly gratified. A short half hours' sojourn there convinced Kewiti that though the spirit was willing the flesh was weak, und that be was a completely steamed and "cooked" as if he bad been in a Maori hangi. But here an embarrassiug difficulty arose. Rewili was nearly innocent of any knowledge of English, and "John" was wholly so of Maori. However, "one touch of nature makes the wbole world kin j" Rewiti, after " fly-catchieg " for a few moments, at last gasped out, " E hoa I too much the hot ! too much — he hangi Maori tenet. Tena tnkua, ki puta ahau ki waho.'* [" This is a regular Maori oveu ; Ist me out for goodness sake."] A ruy of intelligence suddenly illumined " John's'' honest countenance, and after performing a variety of "dumb motions," he courteously requested the old gentleman "to come with him to the sudatorium." With a mystified expression upon his features, the ancient party instinctively followed his guide and thus that lesson on the common origin cf languages was successfully achieved ! Rewiti retired into private life, atter the ordeal, in a state of ecstacy — his verdict being that o( Hmnitnora, Kapai I tino pai rawa I Wbe ha returns to his hainga, invested with the new-found dignity which belongs to a Maori who has had a Turkish Bath, many an evening will be bjguiled, according to native custom, by bis recital to gaping listeners of a full, true, and very particular account of its mysteries. As the Turkish Bath has sucb a miraculously soothing effect upon tha native temperament, would it

not be well — happy thought !— -if the Native department made an eudeavor to "run in" T&wbiao or Manuwhiri, as the speediest method of placing us en rapgprt with the Kingite parly. Trn»t department has already laid out £30 in " milk punch " to Maori chiefs: (see Parliamentary Blue* book), and money laid out in " bath orders" among leading Hauhau chiefs, would be much more judiciously expended than in the dispensation of " milk pinch." A word to the wise sufficient. Who knows but that yet Mr Sykes may yet divide the honors — as the pacifactor of the native race, and the discoverer of the true solution of. the native difficulty with the great "medicine man," Sir Donald McLean ?

There has been in circulation lately (say a the Mount Alexander Mail) a remarkabh story respecting a wealthy gentleman who was a citisen of Castletnaioe. Some time since a person in a neighbouring township died, leaving a quantity of old lumber in his domicile, aud no heir or next of kin to take possession of them. The whole fell into the hands of the Curator of Intestate Estates, who quickly released upon the , goods. The gentleman referred to attended the sale, and finding there three ordinary looking boxes of tools of a description he fancied (being an optican by trade), he bid for them ; some dealers, however, ran him up, so that he had to pay for one box £4, another £2, and a third £1. On opening ih« largest and dearest box the contents were found to be bo worthlees that he directed one of his assistants to throw it out or make an " old clothea" box of it. At the same time he overturned it and threw all its contents on the floor. Ono'eadjusting the box a small secret drawer was discovered, and curiosity tempted this gentleman to examine it, when to his surprise he found a packet of deeds and Crown grants carefully stowed away, representing the title of the deceased man to property in Carlton estimated to be worth from £1500 to £2000. Communication was opened with the Curator of Intestate Estates through a solicitor notifying that a valuable discovery had been made, but without revealing its nature. In a day or two the gentleman was surprised bya visit from the officer of tha Crown, who demanded to know what was the discovery, bat the finder was too wary to be caught like that, and referred the visitor to his solicitor. After some negiation, the purchaser of the box remarked — "If you give me £200 provided my discoVery realizes to you £1000, or proportionately less if it does not bring so much, I will give the requisite information." This was agreed to, aud the deeds were at once handed over to the astonished curator. Tha £200 was then paid, nnd subseqnently the property sold, realising considerably more than the estimated valne. The adage that truth is stranger than fiction receives an emphatic confirmation in a story received via Monte Video by the last mail. Corrienter, a tbriviog town on the banks of the Parana, near its junction with the Paraguay, has been the scene of a tragedy, thrilling enough to have satisfied the udmirers of a transpontine>melodrama. At 10 o'clock on the evening of July 8, there was a peremptory i knock at the door of a rich citizen. Hardly had he answered the summons, and started back at the sight of two men in masks, when he fell dead, transpierced by a poignard. Rushing into the house over his corpse, the assailants met h'is daughter, a pretty girl of fifteen. They seized her, tied her band and foot, and threatened her with instant doom unless she told them where her father concealed his treasure. The poor girl pave up the secret, aud the miscreants left her to go the place indicated. As soon as she was alone, she succeeded by powerful efforts in wrenching the bands off her limbs, stole to the drawer where her father kept bis firearms, took a revolver, followed the assassins and blew out the brains of both. Bushing into the street, she sought the aid of the magistrate of the district, aud the local Police Superintendent. Neither, was at home, and the girl raised a hue-and-cry among the neighbors who came with her to the eceae of bloodshed, They were filled with terror aud shrank from the sight. At last, one bolder than the rest tore the masks off the countenances of the murderers and would-be robbers, when, lo ! the climax of emotion was reached — they were recognised as the Magistrate and the Police Officer, who had been absent from home ! To worn-out authors who vainly cudgel their brains for originality ; to barren play-wrights madly searching for a plot with fresh situations; lo people generally whose business it is to make their ueighbors' flesh creep, and who feel that they have exhausted their devices, worse counsel could be given than — try the Argentine Confederation.