THE WEEK.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XI, Issue 145, 10 June 1876, Page 2

THE WEEK.

Next Thursday. This is a theme upon which I fancy I could descant to any extent if I only happened to be in the right humor, for on that day will be opened the first session of a Parliament elected to deal with, one of the most ! important questions ' that has cropped. up since the passing of the Constitution Act. . Opened by Commission, and the members duly sworn in, the second scene in the first Act will be the election of a Speaker, and who it is that is to be proposed we all of us know now. The probability is that he wili be elected, but both he and the Government which supports him will have to listen to some hard sayings before be takes his seat in the Chair. I have an idea that I could mention the names of more ,than one member who will be pretty outspoken on the occasion, and who will not hesitate to apply various epithets which would find their equivalent in' the adjective "dirty" to the transaction by which the Government gets rid of a formidable opponent, and the Opposition loses a. powerful leader. But this slight breeze will be little more than the first breath of the squall which ushers in the storm that is likely to rage throughout the session. Whether it will blow the present portfolio holders from their seats and others into their places remains to be seen. I doubt it myself, although it is quite certain that they will get a terrible shaking. see that some misguided individuals who wanted to take a trip into the country by .rain have met with disappointment by putting their trust in a twopenny half-penny timepiece which from it's position in front of the Telegraph Office has come to be regarded as aa authority upon the progress of the hours as they flit by. Now, I have had many opportunities of observing the eccentric vagaries of that clock, and I have learnt to look upon it as one of the most notorious liars in the whole town. It may be that to a few fortunate individuals it has been given to understand its movements, and these from constant practice may by some mysterious process of calculation be able to arrive at its meaning, in the same way that a pretty little milliner alluded to by Albert -Smith in one of his novels comprehended the signs made by a little Dutch clock which ornamented

her room. " "When," she 'said, upon being asked by a visitor what was the time, " When the long band points to four, and the short hand to seven, and the clock strikes eleven, I know that it is a quarter past two." The calculation was ingenious though somewhat complicated, but it served her purpose well, and, besides, the proprietress of the chronological phenomenon, with the shilling or two per day that she earned, was- not in a position to buy a better or more reliable timekeeper. On the other hand, where, as in New Zealand, the owners of a G-overnmenfc clock deal I with millions every year, I think they 1 might spend a few pounds in purchasing such a timepiece as ; would tell at, a | glance what was the time of the day. Prom my experience— and it extends over several years — of the clock by which the departure of the down trains is supposed to be regulated in Nelson, I. wonld give this advice to those who depend upon its sense of truth and honor to secure their passages to the Waimea: — " Observe it carelully 'and compare it with your own watch for the space of one minute. If you find it has stopped, you will know exactly how much to rely upon it ; if it is going, regard it as a brazen-faced hypocrite whose chief delight is to lead you astray." In a few words that's my opinion of the clock upon the movements of which the punctuality of the trains depends. This is a wonderful place for children; I suppose there ia not another spot upon the face pf the earth in which a more rigid obedience, is accorded to the command "Be fruitful and multiply." I don't know that this is altogether an ;, original idea of my own, because it, or' something similar to it, must' haya '• occurred to everyone who is in the", habit of perambulating the streets at noon or at four o'clock, at which hours the various schools are dismissed, but it was brought to my mind by a piece of information I received yesterday to the effect that two new schools, had recently /been opened, xma. at Jthe Port ; and :the^; Trther in Toi-toi Valley, with the view of reducing the numbers attending the Saltwater Bridge and Hampden-street schools. But while at the" older establishments the attendance ;is as large as ever it was, that at the new ones is 75 at one and between 50 and GO at the other. Where on earth do all the youngsters come from? What are they ali going to do? , This latter, especially, is a question that has oftem suggested itself to. my mind, and I confess that I have never yet been able to find a satisfactory answer to it. Most of us, I suppose, have gloated over Sir Walter Scott's novel Ivan hoe once, some twice, some, perhaps, half a dozen times, so that to nearly all my readers the Ashby De La' Zouche tournament scene is familiar. They can remember how the fearless " Disinherited Knight unexpectedly made his appearance in the lists, rode boldly Tip to the tent of the hitherto un- J vanquished Bqis-Q-uilbert, and trapped his shield with the point of hisylance, thereby challenging him to mortal combat. "What a stir this occasioned ; how the spectators shuddered at the temerity of the unknown knight • bow 1 the ladies smiled approval and fluttered their dainty little handkerchiefs — all this is well known to each of us. Bt we live in a more prosaic and m'atterof fact age now, and all the romanpe : that surrounded the chivalrous deeds of 7 the knights of that far-away time has faded away, and given place to more practical considerations. Ahd so there are few in Nelson to-day who do not regard with seme interest an event that has created immense consternation in the ranks of the knights of the clever in this town. A stranger has made his appearance in the lists. It is true that the motto emblazoned on his shield is not "Desdichado," but it is one that comes home with much greater force to the many who have witnessed his advent on the scene. It is " Cheap -Vleat." The lance which he has placed in^ts rest is a very sharp-pointed one, and, even . should he himself be thrown in the contest, it must [inflict severe temporary, if not permanent, wounds ori his antagonists, and the beauty, ot the thing is that the lady spectators —in other words the housewives of Nelson — will clap their hands and wave their handkerchiefs all the time, utterly indifferent s as ;to .who should prove the winner in the long run, for they are sufficiently shrewd to know that they must, for the time at least, •benefit by the fight, whichever of , the champions proves successful. This -is, a very different sentiment to that which actuated the maidens who looked on at the field of Ashby de la Zouche, but T" question whether their interest in the, tourney was more keen, or their ap-* plause as, now one, now another, of tbe champions performed some heroic deed was more, genuine than that displayed by the matrons of Nelson wheA Sir Threepence a Pound with a flourish of ' trumpets announced his presence in Trafalgar-street, and declared war to the knife agaiust allcomers. I was a witness the. other evening at a children's party at which I happened to be present to a little scene that if I only had the pencil of an artist should ere many weeks grace the pages of Punch. And this would be the ex" planatory letter-press beneath the picture : — Evangeline (a pretty little* dot aged six years) : " Oh! . Adb.pbus do please dance ; this polka with me."— 7 Adolphus (seta, seven years): " Well, I . don't mind trying, but as I haven't danced lor,, nearly twelve months; I don't know how X shall get 'oh.*. 'V-My little pen and ink sketch has this advantage over those we see depictured in. Punch — it is not imaginary.. IV.

Holloway's Ointmbnt and Pills — More precious than gold — Diarrhea \, dysentery, and .choleraV\ are, through the summer's heat c irrj-ihg off tie- young.; as the winter's c >!*i destroyed,' the aged, I»i tho most acute casei, where intern *l medicines ca'unot be retained, thaV'greafest relief, wiltf imme li-itely result Ho itow i av. : 's soothing .Ointmeat over'" the7pbdora , en,7.The. 1 notion . should .be freq.ient and brisk*, to ernure tlie frite pene- N tr.ition of the uogueit. This will calm the excited peris' altio action, and eooth the pain. Both vomiting and gripinsr yield to it; when fruits or vegetables hwe originated the malady, it is preper to cleanse the bowels by . a moderate do*e of Holloway'a, Pills. before ? useing the Ointment. -' 1752