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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XI, Issue 143, 8 June 1876, Page 4

We clip the following from an American : paper?:-r- Judge : ?.'« Have : you anything to 'offer' to the Court' before \sentei»ce i is r passed on you!'?" Prisoner: "No, Judge ; I had 10 dollars, but my lawyer took that." An Ohio individual lost a pocket:b'ook;Containing 25,000 {dollars,' and for Borne days wandered about ia a state of distractioo, till at length ao hooest man found and returnecl this valuable portfolio.: Grasping the hand of this, rara avis, tho Ohio man, whose voice trembled with emotion, volunteered to toss . the^ finder of - the ~ pocket-book for a glasß of ale. Chorus of ladies to comely" ourate ascending ladder to hang decorations — "Oh, MrfSweetlow, dp take care ! Don't go up fSo dangerous "! Do come down I: \Oh: I"— Rector : (sarcasm tically) i — " Really, Sweetlow, don't you think you had better let a married: man do that?" . „ Wheat says the Scientific American, is the proper grain to give hens which are kept for laying eggs j as < it, posseases albumem and lime for thesshell, end' fat for the yolk. Hens fed on Indian corn will fatten, but do not lay in winter, because there is no albumem in the corn. " Bet half ; a dollar I shall fall down ! Bet half a dollar I shall fall!" murmured an old chap as; loaded to the muzzle with forty-rod whisky, he was feeling his way down the street. t( Bet half a dol — " Just then the old boy's heels flew so high into the air that his head and sboulderß beat them back' to •the ground. Rising, to a sitting posture, he took up his hat, rubbed the back of his Lead and then said : " Won my money ! And it is the first bet I've won this winter 1" ■-; There is a gentleman who preaches on the Queen's Wharf every Sunday evening when the weather isfavorable. Last ni'ijht be did bo, but in tbo middle of hia discourse two of his hearers got up a discussion as to whether the Primitive Methodist or the Christian Isaaelite was the older body. After a lengthy conversation on the subject, they found that their views differed, and it was agreed that the best way to decide which was the older sect was to fight it out. This they did, and confusYon reiglie.d supreme. SergeantPrice happened to be hovering around, and he pounced on the combatants. One of them got away, but the other wao taken to the lock-up. The congregation deserted the preaober, and followed the sergeant and his prisoner to the policestation, yelling, and , hootiDg like demons.*— Po»t.J : r . .;.. , t j

Ai. D.utch^nir^d,|somewhere that money doubled itself by compound interest every fourteen years, if it wbs put carefully, away. and left untouched, the' gmleless' Hollander at once dug a 'hole inU^ceirar and biiVied 400 dollars, packed in a tea-kettla. This was fourteen years ago last Wednesday. On rtbat^dayrhe rose at four o'clock in the morning, - andt«i reßufrected " his oasb, _w|th the confident expectation that it had increased to 800 dollars. His disappointment! was -great; and when his friends interview him about matters of arithmetic now, he expresses the opin-iou«--"-Dem arithmetics are all a lie! "