THE WEEK.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XI, Issue 105, 22 April 1876, Page 2

THE WEEK.

Eor a longtime past we have been calling out for rain, and we have had it afc last with a vengeance. Splendid for the farmers and gardeners, but not so good for holiday makers. Some of us will remember this Easter week for a long time, and not without good cause. Eor instance I met my friend Jones in Trafalgar-street the other day looking awfully heavy and stupid, and with eyes as full of water as when he got his first thrashing at school. " Well old man how are you?" I asked. " Shockid bad," was the reply, " I was dodkey edough to go to that confouded voludteer, review, and this is the codsequedce.'' I left him sneezing. Then I met another, and he had his hands pressed to his sides and his head bowed tb his knees, while he coughed a regular churchyarder for some minutes, and wound up by making some remarks about the Easter Monday review that I shouldn't have liked the commanding officer to hear. I have also seen the caterer who provided a lunch for the thousands of spectators who were to have been on the ground. He doesn't think much of Easter Monday reviews in wet weather. And I have heard that some of the volunteers do not speak in raptures about a ride in an open truck when it is pouring. And the wretched weather and the effect it produced on the temper drove some people out of the rain into the Court where the monotony of the pattering drops was relieved by a sound of "So many shillings and costs." Altogether it was not a satisfactory Easter Monday, and we must bargain for better weather on our next volunteer gala day. I always had a liking for travelling by train. There is something delightful in gliding along smoothly and swiftly, and it is a real pleasure to watch how the gigantic power of steam overcomes difficulties that but for it would be insurmountable. Some sueh reflections as these induced me to choose >the train as a means of conveyance to Wakefield and back on Easter Monday, and I liked my ride out very much. Coming back, however, was not such an easy matter. The train was a pretty long one, there being, I daresay, eighteen or twenty cars. But we came along merrily until when we got to Stoke, where I saw the leading engine removed far back to within fiye : -carriages of the end, and then I began to suspect that something was up. We got away again, travelled hard to make a dash at the hill from the level ground, but here it is so arrauged that there is a huge curve, just where the rise commences, which alone .is sufficient to check the speed. However, we got round, and commenced to toil up the hill. Past the -Waimea Road we went slowly and more slowly, and still more slowly, until the betting was even whether we continued to. move at all. Good natured men got out and sprinkled' gravel on the rails to make the wheels bite, but still the motion became slower and slower. I looked out just then and saw that our train looked very like the letter O, this curve being on the steepest part of the incline. The engines were beginning to get angry. Puff— puff— Pmrp-f-f-f-f-f-f went the Trout ; that was the engine in front. Puff— puff— Pupp-f-f-f-ff-f replied the Kingfish ; that was fche engine behind, but the more they puff — puff — Pupp-f---f-f-fed, the more the train wouldn't go, and at last it came to a dead standstill. It was awfully wrong of those volunteers, who were out on duty and were at that moment wearing the Government uniform, but it must be recorded that they let out a yell of derision as they witnessed the result of the transcendent skill that had designed this Government railway. Then that irreverent cornet-a-piston thafc, involuntarily as it were, commencd to play " Oh dear, what can the matter be?" it ought to have been ground into powder and sprinkled on the rails to assist the wheels. And as for tbat sarcastic bugler who so cruelly sounded the " Advance," he should have been

shoved into the flirnace, flesh andbones\ v and bugle too, 1 to help to get up steam. And all this time the train with its many open trucks full of men stuck fast, and 4 tlie fain poured down in,« Tnicketsful. Nothing for it now but to' s t let go the last five carriages, and this done, the Kingfish screamed to the Trout "Pull you lazy beggar, why don't you pull." And the Troufc screeched back to the Kingfish " You're another; why don't you shove." And then they performed a puff — puff-f-fiug duett, and after a while we began to find that we were leaving the last five carriages behind, and we slowly crawled to the top of the hill, where we waited till the hindmost engine went back and fetched oar . tail. And we all agreed that if there was another line anywhere else like unto the Nelson and Foxhill line, happy were the people who had to pay for it. I have heard people complain of being stuck up by agents for Insurance Companies, and asked all sorts of questions regarding the state of their health, the number of children they had, &c, and ] finally being bullied into insuring their \ lives sometimes against their will, but I met with an adventure last Saturday that was far more tryng. I was walking up Trafalgar-street, when I saw a medical man crossing the street, evidently with the intention of speaking to me. " I've been looking for you for some time,", he said as he held out his, hand, and fixed his eye upon mo in so searching a 'manner that I fairly quailed under it. "Indeed, 1 '! remarked,, feeling very uncomfortable without exactly knowiDg why. " Yes," he said, " I wanted to give you this," ! and he took from his pocket and placed in my hand a card, of which the following is a fac simile :— * ■' I NELSON LUNATIC, ASYLUM. | Admit Mr. «F." Tuesday Evening, Ap. 18, 1876. T r I started back in horror. " Oh, no, Doctor, anything but that. "What have I done, -what is there- in my mariner,^ that you should condemn me to so cruel a fate? And so soon too — Tuesday evening, 18th April, 1876. Dear Doctor, only say you are joking." " Indeed I am not," he replied rather!, crustily, "and I don't see why you" should object to being treated in ithe same manner as Mr , and Miss , and Mrs , to all of whom I have given similar orders.'' -"<ptooaV gracious, you don't say so I" I exclaimedj now most completely taken by surprise. " Why, it was only the day before yesterday I was talking to them, and they appeared to ~be all right then. Does this sort of thing come on suddenly? How long have you observed the symptoms in me ?" " What on earth is the man talking about ?" blurted out the now . astonished doctor. " Why, really I shall soon begin to think that j ought to have signed your committal to the Asylum instead of merely offering you a ticket of admission to an entertainment that is to be given there on the occasion of the opening of the new building." One moment previously I felt as though a landslip of about fourteen hundred tons had fallen on me. Now the load was removed as if by magic. " Entertainment ! Doctor ! Opening ! What, ain't I mad - after all ? Hobroosh ! Hurrah!" but he cut me short by muttering, as he walked off evidently much annoyed, "I don't know about mad. but I think you must be a fool." I was so overjoyed that I didn't mind what names he called me, but, dear reader, what do you say ? Wasn't the ; fright I experienced to a great extent justified by the circumstances ? IV'