HOW TO GO TO SLEEP.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XI, Issue 39, 10 February 1876, Page 4

HOW TO GO TO SLEEP.

[max adei/er] My friend Butterwick had a fit of sleeplessness one night lately, and after vainly trying to lose himself in slumber he happened to remember that he once read in an almanao that a man could put himself to sleep by imagining that he saw a flock of sheep jumping over a fence, and by counting them as they jumped. He determined to try the experiment, and, closing his eyes, he fancied the sheep jumping, aud began to oount. He had reached his one hundred and fortieth sheep, and was beginning to. dose of, when Mrs. Butterwick suddenly said : "Joseph I" "Oh?" " I believe that yellow hen of ours wants to set." "Ob, don't bother me with such truck as that now 1 Shut up and go to Bleep*" .; '■',' ; Then Butterwick started his sheep again, and commenced to oount. He got op to one hundred and twenty, and was feeling as if be would drop off at any. moment, when, just aB one hundred and twenty-first -sheep was about to take that fence, one of the twins begen to cry. " Blame that child," he shouted at Mrs Butterwick; "why don't you tend to it and put it to sleep. Hush up, you little brat, or I'll spank you 1" When Mrs Butterwick had quieted it, Butterwick, although a little nervous and excited, concluded to try it on again. Turning on the imaginary mutton, he. began. Only sixty-four eheep had slid over the fence, when Butterwick's mother-in-law kuocked at the door, and asked if he was awake. When she learned that he was, sbe said she believed he bad forgotten to close tbe back shatters, and she thought sbe had heard burglars in the yard. Then Butterwick arose in wrath and went down to see about it. He ascertained that the shutters were clo.ed as usual, and sb .he returned to bed, he resolved that either that woman would leave- the house for good in the morning or else he would. However, he thought be might bb well give the almanac plan another trial, and setting the sheep in motion he began to count. This time he reached two hundred and forty, and would probably bave got to sleep before the three -tundreth sheep jumped, had • riot Mix's new. dog in tbe next yard, suddenly become homesick, and begun to express bis feelings in a series of prolonged and exasperating howls. Butterwick was mad. Dropping the sheep, he leaped [from bed and began to bombard Mix's new dog with boots, soap, cups, and every loose object be could lay his hands upon. He bit the animal at last with a plaster bust of Daniel Webster, and induoed the dog to retreat to the stable to think about home in silence. lt 'seemed almost ridiculous to resume those sheep again, but be determined to give the almanac man one more chance, so as they began to jump tbe fence he began to count, and after seeing the eighty-second sheep safely over, he was gliding into tbe land of dreams when Mrs Butterwick rolled out of bed nnd fell on . the floor witb such violence that Bbe waked both the twins and started them crying, while Butterwick's mother-in-law came down stairs, four steps at a time, to ask them if they felt that earthquake. The situation was too awful for words. Butterwick regarded it for a minute with speechless indignation, and then seizing a pillow be went over to the sofa in the back sitting-room and lay down on the lounge. He fell asleep in ten minutes without the assistance of the almanac, but he dreamed all night that he was being butted around the equator by a Cotswoolled rain, aod he woke in the morning with a terrific headache and a conviction that sheep are good enough for wool aud chops, but not worth a oent as a narcotic.