ODDS AND ENDS.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume X, Issue 215, 28 August 1875, Page 4

ODDS AND ENDS.

Mary E. Tillotson thus addresses the sex : — " This world has not yet produced her grandest specimens of the femab form. Petticoats have perverted her, dragged upon her spinal anatomy, disarranged her vital organs, and made ber truly a wretched remnant of a past glory. No earthly salvation for people whose women wear petticoats instead of pantaloooe, Ichabod 1" The Georgia negro has no more faith io banks. He lays all his money out in clothes and hair-oil, and the news of a bank suspension causes him lo exchim, " Bust away wid ye, but you can't hurt dese lavender pants." It is statistically computed that 100,000,000 nuts of various kinds are annually eaten in America. Which fact the New Orleans " Picayune" thinks may account for the prodigious number of colonels. An American paper remarks, that it is said " bloomers" are to be revived again in the spring, and that all the tall aud ungainly females ia tho country are to be transformed into plump and loveable little women. A newsboy, seated ou the post-office steps yesterday, counted his pennies over and remarked : — "Seventeen cents in all. That's five for the circus, three for peauuts, four for a sinking fund, four I owe to Jack, and there's oue left to support a widowed mother on until Saturday night." — Detroit Free Press. We are very much of the opinion of Charles Dickens after attending a seance. Having requeated the attendance of the spirit of Lindley Murray, he was informed that the spectre awaited his questioning. "Are you the spirit of Lindley Murray ?" asked the great author. ''I are," replied the incorporeal visitor. Mr Dickens was immediately convinced. So are we. We like to be accommodating and all that, but when we lend a pipe, then come tobacco, scratch a match for him, bold it over the combustible weed while he draws, we think it a piece of flagrant imposition oo generosity when he asks us to lead him 50 cents. At a recent wedding in Ohio, the minister was about to salute the bride, when she stayed him with "No, mister; I give up them vanities now !" The married ladies of a western city have forced a " Come Home Husband Club." It is about Bft long, and bas a brush at the end of it. The Spilling Mania in Boston. — It is terrible, this mania ! You are stopped upon the street and invited to spell pedler, or pedlar, or peddler, or some other word. Your wife wakes you up in the middle of the night to spell " sarcophagus j" your children hasten to the breakfast table to ask you to spell " corymb," and devote all thei? spare time to the dictionary ; your eldest boy comes home late at night in a weeping mood and explains it thus : " I went to see Mary (his sweetheart) this eveniag ; she met me at the door with ' Spell erysipelas, Tom ?' I spelt it with two 'is and no 'y,' and she said, 'Sir, our eogagemeut is at an cud; I caonot love more a bad speller.' Her lather, on being appealed to, says, •Give Tom one more trial. Spell consanguineous, sir.' I spelled it with four 'n's' and two 'is, and he bade me leave the house and never to be his son-in-law." Unless a Milwaukee girl can take a brick in each hand and make eight feet and four inches at a standing jump, she rarely gets admitted into the best society. «Do you want to kill the child ?" exclaimed a gentleman, as he saw a boy tip a baby out of its carriage on to the walk. "No, not quite," replied the boy; " but, if I can get him to bawl, mother will take care of him while I go and paddle in the ditch with Johnny Bracer/ A Cohoes (N.Y.) dentist killed a mau the other day in trying to pull out one of his teeth, and tbe citisens came very near mobbing him for it. Those citizens were a pack of fools. If they wanted to mob somebody, why the d'ekens didn't they mob tho man who was base enough to hang on to his toolh in that rascally way.— Louisville Courier Journal.