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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume VIII, Issue 187, 5 August 1873, Page 4

The tailor's revenge — Giving a customer fits. Recipe—Just before going to bed, eat two pig's feet and a cold apple pie. In less than an hour you will see a snake larger than a hawser, devouring light blue haired children which have just escaped from a monster with sorrel eyes and a red-hot overcoat. Marcus Clarke on Sir Gjborgb Bowen. — The Australian Sketch er of July contains this skit on our late Governor :—" My great-aunt's cousin, Miss Judy M'Cann, thus writes to me from the charming village of Roker's Gully, Murderer's Flat, Dead Man's Hole, and Howling Creek: — " We have reason to congratulate ourselves on having at last secured a Governor of suave manners. Sir George Bowen is really a pleasant man, and the inhabitants of the up-country districts are quite charmed with the politeness — not to say condescension which he exercises. At Roker's Gully, for instance, his Excellency made a speech after dinner to the Loyal and Royal Society of limited Wattledaubers, in which he said: — 'Mr President and Gentlemen™ -no, I will not call you Mr President and Gentlemen, I will call you My Dear Friends — My Heart is almost too full to allow ma to express my delight and surprise at the manner in which you have received me. My dear friend Thackeray, the author of * The Soob Papers ' (of tbe merits of which we bad heard in New Zealand), has written about the 'The Four Georges' He said nothing of Gporge the Fifth • but. I trust gentlemen — I noeau ray very dear friends, that the omission will not be taken as betokening any personal neglect on my part. Having devoted many years to the study of the science of Government, I have found in social reunions like these my heat relaxation. There is an old proverb, ' See Naples, aad die.' I say, 'See the United Wattledaubers' New Almshouses, and die !' Nay, my dear Mr Scantlewag, do not rise \ I look upon you as a brother. Mr Muddlehead, pive me your band-— you are one of Nature's noblemen ! I hope to see you at dinner as soon as any new gas-stove is in woiking order. Any day ! No ceremony ! Just drop in and take a cut of mutton ! God bless you ! Allow me to shake hands once more. Thank you, dear friends, thank you. O how true are the words of the Latin poets—forgive me for reminding you of therri — Verbum personale concordat cum norainativo numero^ genere, et persona '! Gentlemen, a — a toast, El persona, coupled with the names of the Uniterj Wattledaubers of Roker's Gully ! Sir Cxeorge Bowen is evidently an artfnl diplomatist, and knows how to tickle the midriffs of jou tig counries."

Kiss or Fight — An exchange tells n story of a country party thus : — A stalwart young rustic, who was known as a formidable operator in a " free fight,'' had just married a blooming aud beautiful country girl, ouly sixteen years of age, and the twain were at a porty where a number of young folks of both sexes were enjoying themselves in the good (?) old-fashioned pawn-paying style. Every girl in the room was called out and kissed except Mrs B— , the beautiful bride aforesaid, and although there was not a youngster who was not dying to kiss her, they were restrained by the presence of her herculean husband, who stood regarding the party with a look of sullen dissatisfaction. They mistook the cause of his anger, however, for suddenly rolling up his sleeves, he stepped into the middle of the room, and in a tone of voice tbat at once secured attention, said :— ' Gentlemen, I bave been noticing how things have beeu working for some time, and I ain't half satisfied. I don't want to raise a fuss, but — -" " What's the matter, John ? " inquired half-a-dozen voices. "What do you mean ? Have we done anything to hurt your feelings ?" "Yes, you have; all of you have hurt my feelings, aud I've got just, this to say about it : Here's every gal in the room been kissed mighty nigh a dozen times apiece, aod there's my wife, who I consider as likely as any of ' em, has not had a single one to-night, and I'll tell you now, if she don't get as many kisses the balance of lhe time as any gal iv the room, the man that slights her has got to fight — that's all. Now go ahead with your plays ! If Mrs B was slighted during the balance of the evening, we did not know if. Aa for ourselves, we know that John had no fault to find with us individually for any neglect on our part.