A HUMOROUS WITNESS.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume VIII, Issue 85, 8 April 1873, Page 4

A HUMOROUS WITNESS.

: j We clip the following amusing sketch from an exchange :— " , -/ ; ; | The next case called^bn' showed some one to be remarkably thick; J the'^ witness ;6r- the "counsel^ Tf ; -"'wia&' rj iiot ,iin-% pbrtant as to -Wh'a't rihie":- action was ; abpcft,:' but the witnese i liad I given :hii eyidejnce r ih', chief, and was being examined b^qne of 'the. ligh'ts;..of^tbe>bar. •; wiU^e^^the,' man came^from the ■Emerald Isle; <buti was ; ■ B§t:sojj£ee^a! : hVlbbke^^ hismouthJindiQated firmue ■.^ereVn^tl'tbjjbeib^at^ ;-::f^un^|*|Nj^^^!pß^

in a; very straightforward' manner,, and the few I sHall ask you I "hope will be as direct.-' ('■'"■, V Witness : Always supposing "you. /put; 'em straight. „;,;■ ' Counsel : You are a Ronian , Catholic ? ' Witness': 1 - Am I? -' ' : '' :: ' ;■: ' Counsel : Are you not ? ' Witness : You say lam I > [ Counsel : Come, .sir, answer — what's your religion' ? , . Witness : The true religion. (Laughter.) Counsel : What religion is that ? , -J \ Witness : My religion. ' . Counsel: And what's your religion ? Witness : My mother's religion ! Counsel; And what's your mother's religion ?■-■ ■■'■■■■ ■ - Witness : She took whisky in her. tay. (Roars of laughter.) ■'[ ■. ! Counsel : Come, now, I'll find you out, cunning as you are. You bless yourself, don't you ? Witness : When I'm done, with you I think I ought. „'.., ' ,' A Counsel : What place of worship do you go to ? ... Witness : The most convainyant. Counsel : But of what persuasion are you ? : . " Witness : My persuasion" "is;: .that you won't find it out. (Laughter.)' : s- f .-- Counsel : What is your belief ? Witness : . My belief is that youf arei puzzled. h (More laughter>) ■'■: ;] - Counsel r-Doyou confess-? K ~ JiX -- Witness : Not to you. . Counsel : Come, now I have you. Whom would you send for if you were going to die ? • „ Witness : Dr Growlin. . ■• Counsel : Not for the priest ? ii Witness: I- must get a messenger. .; ~ f Counsel ': Confound youf-q.uibbltngßJi Tell me, then, what your opinions are — your conscientious opinions, I mean.: Witness: They, are the same as my. landlord's. (Continued laughter.) , Counsel": And what are your landlord's opinions ? ; '' •• '■'--''■ :•' - '•■-'! ; - <1 -' ■■'• Witness -: Faith ! his opinion is that I won't pay him the last half-year's rint, and I'm of the. same, \ opinion; myself.' (Boars of ' laughter, during w'hich the counsel scratched his .horsehair.). , Counsel : I .iosisit, sir, upon yoj'r answering me at once; are you a Koman Catholic? .:•..'.::,{. ii'. Witness ': I am. (More laughter in which the Court joined) ",""'""'•- ",| ■• Counsel : And pray, sir, why did you. not tell me before, and not waste jthe time of the court in the way you have ?

i Witness : Becauße y.pa^bev-er. axed me. . 1; •,-'-:-r ''..;...i : .-.'. Witness : Jpdade you didn't. I appeal to them pentlenieir there' [the reporters]. ; You said I was a great many things, but ; till now :jou never sxed me. ; You began ! . w^tblpMling crossiqu'estions;: and I bate : you by giving crooked answers, thinking I would cut' my" cldth by' your pattern, i , snd if the coat, when made^didfnotcfittye, ; Bay it was your fault atodpnb'jb mine. , \ s Counsel ;:« You' :can sit -- i f 'Witness : Thank t ye, sir, an', I hope wr i n^ajy ti^eat ye feel iJisppsed foe , i another bit of a set-to. . ! Counsel : Silence, sir, and go to your j place.! ,-'^.4 -n >I.f.f,^ - •■•• ■■ -•■•■-.