THE CIVIL SERVICE.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume VIII, Issue 47, 22 February 1873, Page 4

THE CIVIL SERVICE.

A contributor to the Auckland Weekly Herald writes as follows : — lf I we're asked whether, in selecting my calling in life, I would prefer to be Bill Sweetbreads, a journeytnan butcher, or Algernon Adolphus Fitzalgernon, an employee' in the wax; and wafer department of tbe Civil Service, I should decidedly declare my wish/ to be Bill Sweetbreads.' In, the one position should lbe a free and independent man, with permission to have a will of my own, and the privilege, of saying my say upon all matters political, social, or domestic. As a civil servant I should feel myself small and contemptible; a sort of hand-machine who must do my grinding according to pattern ; not allowed to complain, not allowed to ask for an increase of salary, not allowed to express my political opinions, not allowed to say that my employers were unfair or hard upon me under penalty of instant dismissal. Bill Sweetbreads, the journeyman, if he thinks the master butchers do not carry on their business fair and square, can speak right out and tell them, so without fear of consequences. He don't care about " new regulations." He can call a public meeting through the newspapers ; he may ventilate his grievances and make 'a straightforward attempt to have them redressed. If he don't like a thing he can say so. He can attend political meetings and express his sentiments upon the subject to be brought forward. Bill can start master butcher on his own account, or strike work, or ask for more pay and shorter hours ; and Bill, if he is iv the right,, and goes the right way about it, gets what he wants. But how fares it with Algernon Adolphus Fifzalgernou, of the wax and wafer department in the Civil Service ? He is allowed, up to the present time, to wear false shirt fronts at his breast, with mosaic studs ; wristbands with Brummagem couplings ; boots (not paid for) redolent of Day and Martin. And .this is the extent of his liberty. When he enters his office he has got to mark down to the minute the time of his arrival, and when he leaveß he must " memo." to the second the time of his departure. If he is wanted to work- all night for any number of nights he has got to work, and there is to be no extra pay. If Bill Sweetbreads were asked to do this he would say "Darn me if I do;" but Algeruon Adolphus Fitzalgernon must say nothing of the kind without getting his order to march. Bill Sweetbreads, when he has done his day's work, may chop wood, or draw water, or attend shop, or do anything he can get to supplement his weekly earnings; but Algernon Adolphus Fitzalgernon when he leaves his office, can only go and play billiards, or talk rot to a barmaid, or get into debt, and at the end of his time levant. He may " not accept or continue to hold or discbarge any paid office in connection with any banking, insurance, or mining company, or any building society, or any similar body whatever." If he is a musician or a draughtsman, a phrenologist, a linguist, or possesses any other exceptional qualifications, he may not in his spare hours impart them to others for fee or reward. Miserable, unhappy Fitzalgernon ! Happy and independent Bill Sweetbreads ! If Bill wants a holiday he goes to his employer and says, " Governor, or boss, or old horfi-e," or words to that effect, "I am i going to take the missus out for a blow next week if it wont be an inconvenience," j and, as a rule, Bill gets leave and takes his missus out and tbey have a blow. But, j "in cases of application for leave of j absence," the permanent head of Algernon I Adolphus Fitzalgernon's department has -4o report as to Algernon's general conduct j and tp say whether he has taken proper care of the wax under his charge, and whether he has given a satisfactory ac- I count of the wafers placed at his disposal. Algernor Fitzalgernon must not on any j account write to newspapers. This order may probably be kindly intended for his , own benefit— 7tbat he may not expose his bad spelling and ignorance of grammar. Algernon is expressly required and enjoined "'not to take any part io political affairs otherwise than by recording his ; vote at elections,*" when he is expected, as Algernon well knows, to vote in euch manner, as is required of him. Not only, is he so expected to vote; but so also is his father and hia brothers and his cousins even unto the thirtieth and fortieth degree of relationship. Poor, miserable Algernon ! Happy Bill Sweetbreads ! who attends a public meeting in his shirt sleeves, and moves that the candidate is a "fit and r proper" person to. tax , Adolphus ALlgefnor Fitzalgernon at so much in the pound, or to pass an Education Bill for Adolphus' children, and Adolphus mustn't say; a word ,T or he/ will The re-' .quested to j f- i: xJßßign'" , -..if /'hepj doesn't; get , theTsack right' ,offy^There are tb be (supplementary " "new A regulations," , issued vshoritlj-.; ; JTOi ii;j^oiM6^ga^^ tv^d6ld phua will poHsibly be required to salute the

head of his department wben he meets him in the street* carry parcels for the bead of | the department when told, and bring in the;; coal-scuttle., Adolphus will.be required to , obtain the. sanction "of the head of his department before he is permitted to enter the office with his bair oiled and perfumed; while Bill rSweetbreads, without any permission whatever anoints his locks with half a pound of his master's suet morning and evening. Presently Algernon will not be allowed to marry without the sanction of the head of his department, nor until he is in receipt of a certain annual amount of income, and he will be expected to give intimation when he is likely to become a parent after he has been permitted to become a husband. Only fancy Bill Sweetbreads submitting to anything like this ! But Algernon does, because he can wear false shirt fronts and studs, and links to his shirt sleeves, and can say to his brother clerk "my dear fellah " aDd " positively dem me;" and is permitted to chaff the girl at the pastrycook's, and "stick up" on credit ali that covers him. The difference between Bill Sweetbreads and Adolphus Algernon Fitzalgernon is that one is a man and the other a machine As I have given advice to children calculated for their good, so now I tender my advice to parents, and say to them, Bring up your boys to something — to pull a boat for hire, to drive a cab, to plough, to be a carpenter pr a blacksmith, to be an acrobat, to carry swill to feed swine, to mend old umbrellas, to be an electro-biologist or a conjurer, or to skate on rollers, to do the " under seven and over seven " on racecourses, to get up public companies, to black shoes, or turn mining broker, or to be a discoverer of new reefs, to be an electioneering agent, to travel for a new patent, to be a quack doctor, or a sceneshifter or a check-taker at a theatre, to do anything in fact that will bring brain and body iuto play, but never with your knowledge and consent, not even should he implore you on your death-bed — never — never — never, allow your son so far to lower yourself and himself as to become an employee in the Civil Service. If this be the last piece of wholesome advice I shall be permitted to give, and this advice is ' accepted and acted on by only one parent, I shall feel that I have lived and written for a purpose, that's what I shall feel.