JINKS AT THE OPERA.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume VIII, Issue 10, 11 January 1873, Page 4

JINKS AT THE OPERA.

The following letter wes recently addressed to an Australian musical periodical : " Sir — As I know you are williu' to listen to any complaint a honest man has lo make, I thought Pd let. you know how scandalously I was deceived at the theatre. Bein' rather flush of money, I told my old woman Pd treat her to the play; to see a good murder and some dancin.' -We started earlyish — about seven o'clock, I think — so as to get there io plenty of time, and was at the doors as the clock was halfpast seven. I thought Pd treat the old woman and do it grand; to the Dress Circle I went after a lot of waitin.' They says, 'Ten bob each, please,' civil like; but I wasn't g'oin' to he done in that style, so I says, ' I want to go into the gallery, and I know it's only five there— l've done it lot's of times.' However, the people behind was a gettin' nisy, so I paid ten bob, and in we went. The place was all altered, and a lot of swells was there dressed up to the eyes. I thought it funny but didn't say any think. After a lot more waitin* a fellow got among the band, and bowed; and then they began the music. The conductor didn't fiddle (as he does at ali well-regulated houses), but began hittin' about the air with a little stick. I says, " he'll smash one of the foot lights directly;" and, at last, sure enough, he did. The band evidently thought they had done something wrong; but, after a little whack of his book, the fellow got quieter, and began beat in' the air again. After a little while the curtain drew up, and a lot of fellows began singin.' I knew there was somethin' wrong; so I holla'd out, " What play is it ? " A lot of idiots cried ont "S-s-s-h?" and "Turn him out!" and an obligin' young man, sittiu' next me, told me it was not a play at all, bus an opery, called "111 Then I found out how I'd been swindled. I couldn't understand a word of it; so I asks for a play bill, and they says they also sold books— lybrettys, they call them which was a shilling. I was so dumfoundered, I paid it like a lamb; and when. I read the English, part, which was all on one aide of the page. I. began to understand a little about it. A young man was in love with the primer, dormer, and a wicked villain— -a Couht—^was determined they shouldn't be married. They all bad a bit of a row, and the men drew their swords, and began , to fight. I thought there was something good coming at last; bat justlasjthe mqrder^a^goin/ to begin; •abme'-ffoFViettWwnH audience all flapped, and the actors came on, holdin.' each other by the hands as tho'

they were goin' to have a game at kiss-in-the-ring. After about 20 minutes they managed to get the curtain up again, and found a lot of gypsies clancin, and sii'gin,' and the young man — the lover — seated on a stool by the side of au ugly old gypsy, who seemed to he a favorite with th-* house. They sang a tune, theycaili'd it. tbe 'Anvil Chorus ;" and then they all went out, leavin' the young man and the old gyspy alone together. The wicked Coudt came in, and sang a tune, ' Aah Baarlano.' I knew'd it at once; and, of course, joined in chorus, as tbey do at the Cafe Chantant. Would you believe it, sir, they all hooted at ene, and cried, 'Turn him out!" I told them they waß all jealous — that I knew the tune, and they didn't.' Tbe primer dormer came in; and, just as the villain waa agcin' to seize ber, in rushed fche .young lover, with a lot of fellows with swords. They was al! just goin' to have a jolly fi<>bt, and I thought I, should at last enjoy myself, when the stupid fool behind the sceues let down the curtain again. There was half an hour before the curtain aj*aiu waa pulled vp — much too long, I thought — 'and (hen the next act began. After a lot of singin', which was not very edifyio', the young lover sang till be was black in tbe face, at which everybody clapped, and wanted him to do it again. Tbe time between the next act was awful lon*;; so after about twenty minutes watiu', I told the people I would treat them to a scng. I wanted to show 'em wbat an Englishmen could do against *the parleyvooing furriners. The last act was awful — the primer dormer squallin'on the stage, and the young lover answering her in she flies (this part they had over again); then the Count come on again and was dressed worse than any of his servants. They said he was Coalheaver, but he didn't look like one and. after a lot of nonsensp, mcst of them died, and the play was finished. Now, sir, don't you think this a swindle? There wasn't even a murder done on the stage, but only a lot of gquallin' and singin'; and yet, the School Board fellows want my Nancy (who is nine years old) to learn this sort of thing. They won't teach 'em plain sewin', and how to scrub a floor, and such like, which might be useful; but, instead, want to learn 'em to squall like this, and be a, general nuisance. I'm sorry I troubled you with such a long letter but I koow the grammar is all right, as I got a gentleman in the town to correct it; but the spellin', he snid, was original, so he let it alone. If you wants to do me a favor, please put it in the paper, nnd as I scorns to go under any aliasses, I will honestly give you my Christian name, and am, sir, yours obedient to command, Jim Jikks. N.B. — I've since found out my old woman has been doin' me, and knew it was a opery all the time; but she wanted to brag of it to Mrs. Thomson, who lives in our Right of Way."