DID YOU EVER STAND UMPIRE AT A FOOT FACE!

Nelson Evening Mail, 5 August 1872, Page 4

DID YOU EVER STAND UMPIRE AT A FOOT FACE !

(From Baily's Magazine^).

Gentle reader j — For it is only to a gentle reader that I would address my narrative — -did you: ever stand umpire at a foot race? Once it was my lot to:"do^so :;wkh great satisfaction to myself and ; everybody else ; ■bu'fc.£ that '^ was k -mile-race/ I' /pleasantly remember. A hundred yards' race is try your judgemenib and ypurj nerve, particularly ytiereaftero l iv^gsfate^^lfai-;, ■] occasion on '^.iuG^Wfei't^He^di^daltv^ndv^lie^delioiaoy^ - V'-'i- J '^g'W^gVhT«^.i.Viaif fe'. J :'y>A&;:^i: Ji-ifahYy.vX: '." '-■;''

of the position occurred to me one morning in the beginning of March, when driving to cover on tha turnpike road between Birmingham and Bromsgrove, I beheld before me at a certain celebrated level half mile, some 200 or 300 men from whose boisterous demeanour nnd peculiar garb, although distinguished by much variety of detail, I inferred they were of active habits, and moving: somewhat rapidly in the lower sphere of society. I had no desire to become intimate with them, and fully intended to pass them unheeded ; but I was frustrated. Forming across the road they summoned me to stop, enforcing their peremptory mandate by seizing my horse's head. Feeling that the odds in the event of a personal encounter were against me, I made a virtue of necessity and pulled up. Surprised, but retaining my natural politeness, I inquired the meaning of so uncivilised a proceeding. A gentleman iv a fur cap enlightened me at once, " Whoy, sur, we have gotten a bit of a ra-ace 'twixt a

Wolv'rampton mon and a Bnim'agem moD, and wanlsa humpiro : the Wolv'rampton men 'won't have a Brura'agem mon, and the Brum'agem men won't have a Wolv'rampton mon ; so we've 'greed to stop the first gen'leraan as comes along the road ; and you're the fust we've seed, aud yon'Jl have to do it." "It's all very fine," I. said ; "but it's out of my line altogether. I know nothing about such things, and foar I should not give satisfaction." " That be blowed," said furry cap, " any fool can tell who's fust. "Just so, my friend," said I,; "any fool can tell who's fust; but as I do not at present set myself down in that category, I may, notwithstanding the apparent simplicity of the transaction, disappoint you." "None o'yer patter, guvnor," said a thin, whitefaced fellow, who, I fancied, was from town. " Stow that ! " said half a dozen others; "you're right enough." "You ain't such a fool as you look." "You'll he right enough; j'ou ain't got nothing on it, and there ain't toime to square yer now." " Out you come." And amidst such flattering and encouraging remark?, I reluctantly descended from my trap, modestly assuring my motley frieuds that I would do my best. I took, or rather I was shoved into my post. "It's a hundred yards' race," said a gentleman who took upon himself the office of my instructor. "A cove down yonder '11 fire a pistol; and you've got to see who touches this 'ere string fust." " I understand," said 1 ; I understand ; thank you very much." "The Brum'agem mon's got a red handkerchief round his 'ed ; the Wolv'rampton mou's got a blue 'un." "Aye, I see ; very good." The pistol was fired, and off they went at a rattling hundred yards' pace. " Now blue ! " " now red ! " Now one's nose is half an inch first ; now the other's ; wrigglo, wriggle, bound, step out, wriggle wriggle again, and amid uproarious shouts of " Blue ! "— " Red ! red ! red ! "— " Blue ! blue ! " the string was borne away, and the goal was passed. One was first, I was sure of that, but red and blue passing and repassing each other in quick succession dozzled me, and, for my life, I could not say which. Had I been a man of firmness, by nature, or used to snch affairs by custom, I should have given my decision on the instant ; but, alas! I was neither. Conscientious withal, I took time to consider. We know what p|aee is paved with good intentions, and I was thinking of it-, and really meaning to be very just, when I was rudely roused by a push, and, "Now then ! — who's fust ? " from 50 voices, proceeding from as many bony jaws. " Let me consider," said I. " Oh, it wants no considering." ''Say red, or I'il fill yer eye up ! " " Blue, you fool ! say blue 3 " said a collier-looking man ; blue, or I'll crack yer nut ! " and so on, till quite bewildered, I bethought myself to say, "Dead heat!" — bethought myself, I say, and luckily I did no more. They read it in my eye. "None o' yer dead heats," said about a hundred, " or we'll kill yer ! None o' that, mind." I tried to smile benignly on my persecutors, but fancy I looked very like a ghost, and should have abandoned myself to. despair had. I known how to set about it, when suddenly a voice, friendly, but unmusical, whispered in my ear, "Mister ! I know you j you know me— l'm Ben Terry, Say red — that's Brum'agem; it's all right— rthere's 'nough on us 'ere to pull . yer through it. Get in the middle, on us, and say, red."' I looked at my friend, and trusted him — I would have embraced him, but I bad not time. So, following/his advice, I got behind him and shouted "Red !" with might and. main. " Red! "shouted Ben, echoing my, decision in a,most confirmatory tone. '*' Red, you ;*' ''V- [ ; * Any on yer ; want anythink ? "- As I was hoisted into! my vehicle, the little^crp^d; /was surging ; considerably, and ■t^hough^risaw a fight! or two, but haying else of ■ more importance on my mind, namely^ my own " safety, I :■ -drove: i/'fcwayyffSipfee'/'that. time I have avoided leyel hajftiil&^n my ' l .Wft'y''''ia JBoyißr.'--' /^^M-Q^'-K l^^'']