MELBOURNE FROM AN AMERICAN WOOL BUYER'S POINT OF VIEW.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume VII, Issue 14, 16 January 1872, Page 4

MELBOURNE FROM AN AMERICAN WOOL BUYER'S POINT OF VIEW.

FIRST OP A SERIES OP PAPERS TO BE READ AT THE COOPER INSTITUTE, NE*W YORK. [The following skit appeared iv the Atistralasian of December 30. ~| Fellow-citizens, — I have been to Australia, and I have returned. I have been on a mission, and that mission was wool — 32 cent wool. I have got that wool — a good deal of it. They let us have it ; trust them for that. A big boss there in the wool trade said he didn't particularly want to sell it to us, but as we were evidently bent on getting it, and offered good money for it, he let us have it, '**' so that there should be no unpleasant feeling or animosity between the two great continents of Austria and America." My senior partner, I know, will swear a few when I tell him this, and express a wish our Melbourne friend hadn't been so confoundedly sentimental. There are serious misimpressions abroad here about Australia, encouraged, I think, by the missionaries who have preceded us. The inhabitants of Melbourne, where we lived mostly, are not black. Emphatically not. Indeed, there are a lot of particularly white men there I could name, but I want to avoid being iuvididious. I have brought a trunkful of photographs with me, in case my assertion should be disputed. Nor do they eat each other now — at least, not while we were there. They had better food to eat, and a balance to export. I don't think it is worth our while sending any more such missionaries there. The people are quite civilised enough. For our part, we may have thought before our arrival that, living as they do at the antipodes, they might not know very much. We hadn't been there a day, fellow-citizens, before it dawned on us this was an error, and before we were there a week we could see they were " up to the whole bag of tricks." There are two kinds of colonists — old colonists and other colonists. The old colonists get very drunk once a year — on the lst of July, the anniversary of their separation from New South Wales, and the commencement of the separate existence of Victoria, which, before 1851, was simply the district of Port Phillip. The other colonists take their liquor freely on that day also, and on numberless other occasions. The old colonists are a very estimable lot of fellows. The others are fast following in their footsteps. They are an hospitable people, the citizens of Melbourne, but I think they drink too much, and I told them so one night, very late, after dinner. We intended 'at first, by our example, to endeavor to restrain them in some degree in this respect, and to implant, if possible, habits of selfcontrol amongst them, but on reflection, we decided that such conduct on our part would be liable to be construed as presumptuous, as an interference, so to speak, at once unwarrantable and impertinent, with what appeared to be a *' domestic institution." We, therefore, concluded to take our " tots " like the others. We did so. They can't complain of us. We drank very fair. Embedded in this community we found a score or so of old Yanks. They had been there from 15 to 18 years. They have not deteriorated very much. They have introduced " props," can-oysters, baking powder, and John Collins there, and others means of alleviating the tedium of antipodean existence. They are not fossilised, but on the contrary, lively. Most of them are beloved, some even respected. Victoria is a great gold-prcducing colony, but we noticed the list of calls in the Melbourne Argus each morning was always outrageously out of proportion in length to the list of dividends. In this respect Victoria is not singular. That it is a pastoral conntry is evidenced by the wool we have brought with us. as also by the sheep's trotters and mutton broth, of which we were in no way stinted where we resided. There are also hot winds there, preserved meats, protection, and excellent colonial wines and beer. We could have bad as much of the latter beverages as we chose to drink, morning, noon, and night — for, as I said before, they are a hospitable people ; but we noticed they never drank them themselves, so we refrained from indulging. Talking of protection, they have a Treasurer there we ought to import. The framer of our tariff is a fool to him. The man who fixed the low wool duty limits at 32 cents can't hold a candle to him. His name is Berry — Graham Berry. Mr. Secretary Boutwell should have him over quick, because he might die young, being very clever. He is a teetotaller, but I have seen him intoxicated. Don't misunderstand me. It was on the occasion of a review of the local naval forces, when he was so inflated with his importance as to lose his mental balance. Some people |

get tight — trough vanity — this way, and some through liquor. I think the latter is the more honest way. It is the best for (rade. I prefer it. If we had him over, and put him in a place proportioned to his merits, he would keep steady. He would never have cause to be taken that way. There are five principal hotels in Melbourne— Meuzie's Hotel, Scott's Hotel, the Port Phillip Club Hotel, Tankard's Temperance Hotel, and Wintle's Hotel. We did not try either of the latter two. The other three are first-rate, though it is difficult to get anything to drink in one of them after 12 o'clock at night. Win tie does not run his hotel now. He is deceased ; but he was popular in his way, and his name is still kept up, same as with Astor House here. It is au exclusive place, and the rules about drinks are still more stringent than in the other hotel we have adverted to. They don't allow any, either before or after 12, except, indeed, in the event of your going to be hung, when they relax a little — the rules, I mean. There are severe penalties for selling liquor on Sundays, consequently we always got twice as much on tbat day as on any other. Travellers and lodgers have privileges. At a Way-side hostelry kept by a downey old chap, we saw on the mantelshelf this ticket — "Beds 6d. A deposit of the sum requested." You put down — if it be Sunday — 6J. beside the card, ancl immediately a nobbier (the local name for a tot) is put down also. You need not tell them as you go away not to trouble much about airing your bed. They would not put themselves out much about it. This is a wrinkle for a thirsty Maine man. lam compelled to the conclusion that God originally made these colonists upright, but, like ourselves, they have sought out many inventions. The two principal streets in Melbourne are Collins-street and Bourke-street. They are both exactly the same width and length, but white hats are sdol. in Collins-street and 4dol. only in Bourkestreet. Menzi6's Hotel is in the latter, Scott's in the former, also Burke and Wills' Monument. The memento is for the benefit of future travellers. Menzie's Hotel is in an elevated position ; the I street slopes up to it either way, but the gradient, though it appears serious when you are coming home late at night, is really not worth speaking of. Some nights it appeared really mountainous. Snakes abound in Victoria, also snake stories in the newspapers in the summer time. They are very dangerous — often fatal. Of course I don't mean the newspapers or the stories. We never, however, saw any snakes. There are none in Bourke-street or Collins-street, though a man who had beeu speculating unsuccessfully in Sandhurst stocks told us we would find plenty " under the verandah." We avoided that place. In conclusion, fellow- citizens, I will fondly treasure while life lasts, the memories of our visit to this isolated but not inexperienced people. They are members of the same great Anglo-Saxon family as we are, and our mother tongue is theirs. We cheerfully cast iv our lot with them during the months we sojourned there, aud contributed, to the best of our several abilities, to alleviate their position; aud proud am I now to think that we have had an opportunity of participating in their anxieties and sharing their privations in their distant homes, on the margin of an untamed aud almost untrodden continent.

A shrewd confectioner in Bangor has taught his parrot to say " pretty creature" to every lady who enters his shop, and his business rapidly increasing. A Frenchman cannot pronounce 'ship. 1 The word is 'sheep' in his mouth. Seeing an iron-clad, he said to a boy, " Ish dis a war sheep ?" "No," answered the boy, " it's a ram." A Yankee Yarn*. — Queen Victoria has always been noted for affably bowing without a momeut's cessation, in her state progress through the city. A London correspondent of the St. Louis Republican says this bowing is all deceit. " There is a curious contrivance attached to the seat of the royal carriage, by whose means the royal body is gently swayed as iv the act of bowiDg, while in reality the said body lolls comfortably and makes no exertion whatever." Some Yankee should invent a handshaking machine. Mr. Robert Campbell, the Colonial representative of his father, of Syduey wharf celebrity, has, during the past two years, become by far the largest holder of runs in New Zealand, having during that period added to his former runs — Belmore (Waitaki), and Sheenan's old run (Manuherika) — numerous runs in Olago, Canterbury, and Southland, and will, we believp, this season clip in all not under 500,000 sheep. The last rise in value upon wool, say 6d. a lb upon an average yield of 41bs, will thus represent for the year £50,000 of a profit upon last year's returns. Were this country held by him divided among 1000 hill farmers, every business man in the province would realise benefits, direct or indirect; whereas, as it is, this large sura goes home to England to enrich the estate of an absentee millionaire of vast wealth, who is making bis Colonial experience, gained of old, useful to him in thus speculating so successfully in runholding stock at a time when it was at its very lowest. — G. R. Argus.