" SPECIAL TELEGRAMS."

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume VI, Issue 34, 9 February 1871, Page 4

" SPECIAL TELEGRAMS."

Punchinello in the following account of the battle of Sedan which it has received by cable from its special correspondent, " cruelly burlesques the sensational telegrams from the seat of war which abound in the English papers : — Ie was a still, calm night, the glorious moon was sailing through the sky ; the river was running water ; the clouds were cloudy ; the soldiers were soldiering. I stepped out of my tent and stumbled over Von Moltke. He took my arm and invited me to the tent of the Crown Prince. " Molty," said I, " what's your little game ? " " Penny ante," replied he. " Tres bien," added I. "You are a French spy. Ha! ha;" said he grasping my collar. Ho! ho!" * ' Dat ish goot,*' added I. " Then your'e Dutch," sighed he, dropping me like a hot pair of tongs. In the tent we found the Kiug, the Crown Prince, Gen. Steinmetz, Gen. Sheridan, and Gen. Forsyth. "Molty," said T, "introduce me to the King." " Bill," said he, " this is Jenkins." Then we went at the game. Bill is pretty good at it, but then he dosen't stand any chance beside Molty» The Crown Prince lost at least fourteen cents, and just as he had a splendid opportunity to retrieve his losses, in came an aide, who announced that the French had aquatted. " Where ? " cried Von Moltke. " At Sedan," replied the aide. "I know it," said Motley. "Bill, I told you they bad no horses for a regular carriage." Then we went out. The King invited me to sit in his carriage with Molty and Sheridan. We reached the scene of war. The moon shone ; the moutains were mountainous ; the trees were treey, and the soft September breeze was breezy. Bismarck came up and asked the King to let him cut behind. " Bis," said I, " take my seat ; I'll take a trip to the French camp." So I tripped over to the French camp, and found things somewhat mixed. The moon shone. Steadily the Prussian troops advanced ; and with a heroism worthy of a better cause, the French retreated. The Emperor wanted to die in the rear of his men. " Nap," said I, " you'd better get up, the Prussians are coming." "Jenkins," said he, "kiss me for my mother, I'm betrayed." " Why didu't you have more cheesepots ? " said I, "I'll surrender," said he, " get out a white flag." So I took one of Eugenie's old pockethandkerchiefs which I found in the tent, stuck it on the end of the sabre of the nephew of his uncle, put Nap in the carriage, jumped in myself, and drove to the Prussian camp. The moon shone; all nature smiled ; the rivers were rivery ; the Sedans were cherry. "Nap," said Bill, "is the game up." " Bill," said Nap, " you've scored the game. I leave my old clothes to the Regent. I hope she'll like the breeches." Then he treated to cigarettes, and we all went back to our game of penny ante. Nap wouldn't join us. He said he'd just been playing a game with crowns ante and he was busted. We'd hardly got the cards dealt, when Bill turned to Bis and asked, " I say, Bis, won't you run over and telegraph to the old woman something about our Fritz ? " "Let Jenkins go," said Bis. Of course I assented to the proposition. " Where the devil is Fritz ? " said Bill. " Oh, he's been sleeping for the last two hours said Moltke. " Never mind," said Bill, * c telegraph a victory by Fritz." So I telegraphed :U A great victory has been won by our Fritz. What great things have we done for ourselves j We'll t keep it up, old woman." (Signed) " Bill." When I reached the tent everybody was asleep. Nap was reclining gracefully on the breast of Bismarck, as affectionately as if they were Brothers-in-law The moon shone ; and the sky was skyey ; the hills were hilly ; and all nature was getting up.