TIPS FROM TUPPER.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume VI, Issue 10, 12 January 1871, Page 4

TIPS FROM TUPPER.

Entrust not thy secrets to the young, for doth not new wood split? Entrust them not to the old for doth not an old pump leak ? Accept not, amiable girl, the hand ofa youth who telleth thee he wishes to marry and settle : make him settle first, and let him marry thee afterwards. Flirty young damsel, treat not thy true lover like a bouquet ; do not carry him about awhile for show or sport and then pick him to pieces. The tear on thine eyelash young wife, may sparkle even as a diamond ; but play not that diamond too often, lest thou drive thine husband to his club. 1 The fast youth coutrihuteth to the Queen's taxes on alcohol, but misuseth tbe Queen's English ; he saith he was last night on the loose, but meaneth he was tight. Knowest thou not, my son, why Fortune is blind ? Tbat goddess often showereth her choicest gifts on such worthless aud contemptible persons that, could she behold them, she would Bcratch her eyes out •with vexation. Bushels of bosh are talked about bribery, for hath not every man, briber or bribee, his price ? But remember this, O, prudent youth, when thou buyest others, buy in the cheapest market, and when thou sellest thyself, sell in the dearest. O ! my son, if Solomon could not understand the contradictory character of women, how can silly folks like unto ourselves ? Do we not all admire retiring modesty iu the softer sex ? Nevertheless, are we not all captivated by a woman's cheek ? Young rnan, setting forth in life, pay proper attention to the fair sex, but beware of lapsing ioto such a one as Jeremy Diddler, for, anon, thou mayest find it much more pleasant to pay thy addresses than thy debts. Young girl of the period, remember that if thou wearest a tight boot thou wilt have a narrow understanding, and that if thou makest the waist of the body too small thou mayest make the waste of thy health too great. Pleasant it is, 0, my son, to increase thy tiD, but more pleasant it is to receive p lump of belle-metal in this wise : — Take unto thee a good wife, and from thy good father-iu-law take the good round sura of one thousand pounds on thy wedding day.