Untitled

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume V, Issue 185, 9 August 1870, Page 2

American epitaph on a locomotive — ■ " Collisions four or five she bore ; the signals were in vain ; grown old and rusted, her boiler busted, and smashed th' excursion train.'' " Silence in the court-room there," thundered a police magistrate the other morning ; " the court has already committed four prisoners without being able to hear a word of their testimony." A country schoolmaster thus describes a money-lender : — He serves you in the present tense ; he lends you in the conditional mood ; keeps you in the subjunctive ; and ruins you in the future. The following hit at the water-cure was made by Charles Lamb, and none but himself could have made so quaint a conceit. "It is," said he, " neither new nor wonderful, for it is as old as the deluge, which, in my opinion, killed more than it cured." A 'Press Association telegram says the Pall Mall Gazette is published under extraordinary difficulties at present. Information was lately received at the Home Office that the Fenians, resenting the articles in that journal in favor of the Coercion Bill, had determined to , destroy the premises on which the paper is printed. Since then the police have thought it necessary to guard the office on all sides, fourteen or fifteen constables being engaged in this duty.— Leeds Mercury, April 23.