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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume III, Issue 285, 2 December 1868, Page 3

■r'& reporter,",!*, describing a theeting of a total abstinence society, said that they had ,-,A most . harmonious and pr ofitable " nieeting, arid retired from the hail full of *'gpiritß,'.;' J I am afraid you. will come to want,' said an old lady to a young gentleman. 'I have, come to that already,' was the reply j « I want your daughter-' The old lady opened her eyes. It was an apt answer of & young lady, yr}w, being asked where was her native places replied, "*I have none; lam the daughter of a Methodist minister^' A merchant of New York being asked : to define the meaning of experimental and - natural philosophy, said he considered the first to be. asking a man to discount a bill at a long date, and the second his refusing to clo & ''•""-" '; "'"' '\ '

Whatever may be the ,end of man, there can be no doubt, when we : see those long trains gracefully sweeping the floors and roads, that the end of a woman is— dust. A Lrce was ; produce 4 in Bannister* time under the title of % Fire and Water? * I predict its fate,' said he. ' What fate?' whispered the anxious author at bis side. * What fate V said Bannister j ' why, wliat can firg and water produce but a* hiss?' Thackeray said the drollest thing -b£ heard while in America and the most characteristically American, was the {remark of a New Yorker. *' Oh, Thave no objection to England, Mr Thackeray ,* the only thing I should be afraid of. would be to go out at night there, lest I might step off.' A merchant examining a hogshead of hardware, on comparing it with the in-? * voice, found it all right, except a hammer less than the invoice. ' Och ! don't be troubled,' said the Irish porter, 'sure the nagur took it to open the hogshead with.' The following is a scale of the average duration of auimal life from the most celebrated writers on natural hiatbryi-^-A tfare will live 10 years, cat 10, goat 8, ass 30, sheep 10, dog 14 to 20, ox 20, swine 25, pigeon 8, turtledove 25, partridge 25, raven 100, eagle 100, goose 150.