Comments: Common and Caustic.

Maoriland Worker, Volume 2, Issue 25, 25 August 1911, Page 7

Comments: Common and Caustic.

By "CASSIUS GASIUS."

No, Socialists are not Reformers — they are Transformers! « * ■■'■■•"■ _,■■/ ■■.••■ A man named Fust, one, of a pair of tlweves, whom tho police bagged and banged into the nearest police station wliilo the other got away, explained to the magistrate that he supposed the police- had dealt with him on the principle of "Fust come, fust served." k * * Kennedy Mac isn't any worse than the pals he has left behind him in the Upper House. He was found out— that's all! * # * One-tenth of the United States Army deserts annually. Three cheers for Militarism! ■* * * "Oh, I am all a-sweat!" cried the enthusiastic young lady croquet player after an exciting game last Saturday. "Maud-olyne." said her mother, who ! moves in the best Wellington Sassiety, "'osses sweat, men perspire. Lydies only glow." / ■"■" ■■#■•■ * * ; .Heard in - Jbhnsonville railway car. — Captain Hall (referring to Bob Hoggs challenge to Major-General Godley) : "You are playing to the gallery, Mr. Hogg." Bob: "Quite true, Captain. That s the part of the house my class sit in— it's the cheapest. Only their exploiters can afford to go to the dress circle and'the stalls." *-. * * Just as the approach of Spring is heralded in the Old Land by the cawing of the carrion crows > so the approach of the election is heralded by the cawing of the piebald .Labor bleeders also out for carrion. On the present occasion they are winking the ether eye, and, cawing for unity, unit., UNITY! between persons of the moist diversified opinions. : ■.. ■ ' ■, •■■*■ ; ■ * ■.•"'* i One does not deny that they have political perception ; but it" is tho perception of the man in Scripture who siavv "nv~ M -..as trees walking." The ojf-ficer-chasers are in a pre-carey-ous cojiditiiom. * i .;-■■*.. * ■■■.*'■ ■ I From, the "Wanted" column, of tlie ' 'Yorkshire Post :—''Wa n ted, a female donkey.—Apply personally or by letter." No fear! Donkeys don't go looking for work. They leave that to Man.the Master Mind! j • '*- * • ■■■» Militarism drains a nation's lifeblood. *.* . * . "Can't you secure her acquittal on the ground that she is a kleptomaniac?" asked the prisoner's husband of the lawyer. "Fin afraid not," replied the attorney. "You have admitted"'that you are in very moderate circumstances!" j * * ■■*■ ': The children's bread depends not on the father's industry, but on the capitalist's opportunity to make a profit. The Socialist wants every child to be "the child of a noble man," but its consummation is delayed until pro;duction for profit is swept into hell. \ ■■ '. * * •■*" ■ ' Fat: "All the Socialist needs is a gift of gab." Pat:' "All the capitalist needs is a gift of grab." i * * * : Using one's influence to get one man into a job means using one's .influence to ket\p another man out of a job; Oh, what a beautiful system! «- * # Michael the Archangel tells the 171 readers of the "Weakly Herald" that he has discovered some hog-wash". Howkeen he is on the scent of his favourite dish! ** * . "Why'n thunder, did you kill, your brother Abel?" asked Adam in anger. "I will be perfectly frank with, you. dad," replied Cain. "The Serliont, who seems a sort of landlord rouad here, told mc ho was going to give mum notice to quit as he hadn't bargained on. there being two children in the family —so one of us had to go." -x- * * Wcs.tralian "Worker" says the London paper "Justice" now attributes the remark "We are all Socialists now" to Sir William Hareourt. "NOW attributes" is good. First time said remark was "attributed io Sir Willian is almost lost in antiquity. It was when. King Teddy (then Prince of Wales) did the showman part in the laving of tho memorial stone of some London County Council Workers' Homes. On that occasion the Princo of Paupers said : ''As Sir William ITarcourt says, 'We are all Socialists

now.' " It was looked upon as a smart "saying, too smart, to be uttered, by '« commoner, and. so.;.- the capita-list preen kept on attributing it, to H.R.H. One of our New Zea-lajtftl Labor leaders has been eloquently denouncing th« extravagance a.nd waste of the rich. ■Will som© fri ; e.Ti r d*^en ; d him a few pamphlets on Socialist Economics. Not"i the waste but ttao wealth of thio rich is the cause of the poVorty of the .jjooi , . ■X- * #- The pooir will be poor so long as the rich arc allowed to rob them, and a decrease in the r extravagance of the rich would increase, nob lessen, their poverty. Therefore, what Socialists havo got to do is not to teach the rich to bo less lavish in their expenditure, but to put an and to the robbery. * * * Says a capitalist scribe: "In the prosent alarming industrial and political conditions ... we have a forecast of what we may expect if the boycott, the Union label, and other unjust methods of the alleged representatives of Labor are not vigorously resisted . . . all'concessions seciro only to have sharpened the appetko of the agitators." Which is another way of saying that the appetite grows by what it feeds on. Give the Masterclass surplus value, and it cries for more, doesn't it ?