Miners' and Shearers' Conference.

Maoriland Worker, Volume 1, Issue 4, 15 December 1910, Page 9

Miners' and Shearers' Conference.

AN INTERLUDE

THE TRUTHFUL TALE OF

FOUR BOATS

It really wasn't the Recording Angel's fault. The general secretary made the suggestion—whether out of pure good nature or pure devilment no one knows. Anyway that was how the R. A. came to be found on the river with seventeen publicans and sinners, not counting three-year-old Jim. And Jim wasn't at all happy about it. No wonder ! When the suggestion was made in the luncheon adjournment several sinners claimed ability to handle one oar at a time; some thought they could manage even two. Most of them said they had been in a boat many times— probably the Mararoa. When the time came to man the four row-boats, it was difficult to find enough sinners ready to "step only in the middle of the boat," and thus leave enough water in the river to float the fleet. Most of them preferred to step on the gunwale and use up the water in a most wasteful way on the floor of the boat. But the quintessence of impossibility was reached when the Recording Angel called for eight tried and trusty oarsmen. Abraham, conducting his Dutch auction with the Lord for the production of fifty righteous men of Sodom., was not compelled to reduce his demands more rapidly! In the end some three or four moderately good rowers came forth, and off started the noble seventeen. Of the journey down the less said the better. Two of the boats made fair progress in the peculiar circumstances of the case. The remaining two insisted on regarding every jutting bank as a " port of call " —-a proceeding which naturally delayed their arrival. When the Park was reached the seventeen publicans and sinners gathered themselves together, looked into one another's eyes and inquired pointedly: " How will the boats get back to the boatman's shed ? Will he have to come down for them?" There was a sinister implication in the inquiry, which the general secretary chose to ignore. The silence that followed was dense enough to cut up in blocks, and sell for use at —Labour conferences ! The sinners strolled round the Park, but they had little heart for pleasuremaking. It was a sad world. They knew not what an hour might bring forth. Too soon they felt compelled to gather at the river once again. Alas, three of them were missing ! A gloom fell on the party. Were the three drowned? No, worse still—they had gone home in the tram ! With uneasy steps, usually in the wrong place, the fourteen spread themselves over the boats. Unfortunately, three declined to ship like ordinary mortals; they clambered over all the other boats in a vain attempt to reach their own in safety. A small measure of success was completely nullified by a temporary lapse of memory—a forgetting of the fact that three men sitting on one side of a wherry disturbs its equilibrium. One of the three tried to repair the error by stepping over the gunwale. It was a noble attempt to save his two companions—and himself ! Unfortunately itr is not given to every man to " wark on the water," and soon the. hero stood up to his waist in the river. The rest of the sinners collapsed in platoons, and lay on the bank crumpled up, and emitting strange sounds. At bjet a start home was made. The Recorcliiie; Angel took charge of those wjbtfj confessed their sins, and frankly themselves the worst crew of • all. There was no reason to doubt the accuracy of the confession ! The first of the three to " have a try " rowed with both rowlocks and oars wrong Avay about. The second had a fancy for a style of handling the oars more suitable for aeroplane progression, inasmuch as only one stroke in six was concerned with the water. The third—an observer of Nature —noticed that the current was against the boat, and therefore made the brilliant suggestion that the boat should be turned round, and rowed the other way about! But, after all, No. 3 was the best man, and but for him—well, there's no knowing when this boat-load would have reached home. At 6.30 p.m. the roll was called, and a sigh of relief ascended when it was found to be complete. The seventeen confessed they had never expected—or, indeed, deserved —so great good fortune. Note.—lt is understood that a suggestion will be made at the next meeting of the conference to offer up prayers for those in peril on the sea. A fellow-feeling makes us wondrous kind.